I don’t completely remember the train of thought, maybe it was the post looking back at 2014, but I realized something interesting today, last year was the first since the divorce that I didn’t remember my wedding anniversary. I’ve been divorced for over three years but that date was such a big deal for so long that it was second nature.
It’s ironic, I know, for a guy but I never forgot an anniversary or Cat’s birthday, even when things weren’t going well with her. I’m terrible, terrible with dates I should remember, I know this, so when we got married I made a serious effort to drill the numbers into my brain. I came up with little rhymes so they were easier to recall, I used every trick I could think of and it worked, I never missed one. There was even a debate a few years in as to our exact anniversary, she was actually a day off and it became a running joke every year. “Are you sure it isn’t tomorrow?”
Nine months after our divorce, six months after Cat got remarried, our old anniversary rolled around. For the first time in ten years it didn’t really mean anything but I still remembered it. She was at her new place with her new family and I was home alone. I sent Cat a silly text about it then proceeded to drink myself silly.
The next year I was deployed and going through a fairly tumultuous situation, a week later I’d be out of the military, but I still remembered. I didn’t send her a text, I was overseas, but I drank myself silly before getting up at 5 am the next morning for work. That was pretty much the norm at the time but I tipped her a salute.
The following year, I was a civilian but remembered and celebrated by drinking myself silly. I didn’t bother sending her a message, she didn’t send me one either. In fact, now that I’m thinking about it, she never sent me any messages, silly or not, on our old anniversary. She’d already moved on, I suppose. She had new dates marked on her calendar.
Last year… I didn’t remember. It didn’t occur to me at all. The date rolled around the same as it does every year but it was just another day. Actually, looking back through the posts, I had just returned from a trip to see Ann, Cat was the last thing on my mind. It’s been almost six months and I just now realized that it just passed without notice.
I suppose it’s a good thing, that old part of my life is fading away, but it also makes me a little sad. It’s not that I’m nostalgic for my marriage, the divorce was one of the best decisions we (she) made, but it signifies the fading of that whole decade of my life. The good and the bad. It’s the past getting further and further away in the rear view.
I should probably also find some new dates to focus on since there won’t be any more weddings in my future. Different anniversaries, probably, but no more marriages for me.