Just Another Night


So, I have a bunch of stuff I should probably write about, I’ve even started several posts, but I just had an interesting experience and I want to write about it.

Tonight was my first philosophy class.  Woohoo, I know.  It’s really cool that I got back into school.  Anyway, the class didn’t start until late so I didn’t get back home until late.

I pulled into my parking spot about ten o’clock at night.  As I walked toward the apartment building I noticed that there was a light on in the car beside mine.  It wasn’t a big light, it was almost invisible from outside the car, it was one of the little ones for the back seat in a sedan, but it was definitely on.

Now, I don’t know where you grew up, so what I’m about to say might sound weird, but in my home town if you see something like that you make sure to say something about it.  Where I’m from, a dead car battery is, no shit, a life or death situation.  And with the cold temperatures, someone leaving their headlights on (or dome lights, or whatever) can kill a battery way faster than you might think.  Sometimes it only takes ten minutes and the car won’t start.

But where I live now it’s definitely not a life or death situation.

I hesitated, I’ll admit it.  It was late at night, I didn’t know those neighbors, and most modern cars have circuits that will turn off lights before the battery dies.

((A quick side note: the reason I don’t know these neighbors is because they’re renters that just moved in.  That unit has a really high turn over rate.))

I only hesitated for a moment though.

Now, nobody likes having a stranger show up on their doorstep after 10 o’clock at night.  I know that.  I also know what’s worse than having a stranger show up after 10 o’clock is having a big, strange, white dude with a shaved head and tattoos show up.  (What made it slightly easier for me was I’d just come from class and was dressed nicely, a polo shirt instead of my usual black T.)

Another relevant detail, while we live in a gated apartment complex the neighborhood outside gets pretty sketchy when the sun goes down.  We all lock our doors.

So, with all that in mind, I struck a pose as submissive and apologetic as I could and knocked on the neighbor’s door.  This is America, I assume everyone has a gun.  And, honestly, I’m one of the most easy going dudes you’ll ever meet but if I was home with my family and some stranger knocked on the door after 10 I’d be tempted to answer with gun behind my back.  So, as the person knocking, I want to try and put whoever answers the door to ease as quick as I can.

A very cautious, young, black woman answered.  Now, I knew that the reinforced screen door (“bad” neighborhood) was locked because I tried to open it so I could knock when I realized they didn’t have a door bell, so I wasn’t surprised when she opened the inner door but made no motion towards the outer door.  Smart woman.

From her body language I’m sure she was alone.

I quickly apologized for interrupting her evening and explained that there was a light on in her car.  She looked like she was still in shock over having a white dude on her porch, either that or she thought I was trying to pull something over on her, so I ended up explaining the car-light-battery thing a couple times.

It was a very quick conversation.  When I was sure she understood what I was talking about I said good night and turned to leave.

I was listening for it, she didn’t leave her apartment to check the car until I was halfway to my place.  She wasn’t going to step outside until she was sure I wasn’t anywhere near her door.  Smart girl.

Now, part of me found this whole thing totally ridiculous and at the same time totally justifiable.  It’s almost hard to explain.

I was trying to do this family a favor… but I was scared I might get shot for being a strange dude knocking at night… and she’s scared because there’s a strange dude knocking at night.  (The Luis C.K. joke comes to mind, “Men are the worst thing that ever happened to women.”)

For both of our safety we have to do this established dance.  I make sure I leave at least an arms length between me and the door so I’m not in their face immediately, keep my hands visible, communicate clearly and make no moves that might be taken as too assertive or aggressive.  For her part, keeping a locked door between me and her, making sure she didn’t leave any openings or vulnerabilities, waiting for me to leave before opening the door, etc.

I mean, those are the kinds of practical precautions that I would teach my son or daughter – for both sides of the situation.  I did what I could to keep a potentially tense situation from escalating, she answered the door but took practical precautions.  It makes sense.

And yet, at the same time, it’s really kind of ridiculous that a two second favor requires that dance.  It seems silly but I can’t think of an easy alternative.  Ridiculous but justifiable.

Just had to share.

 

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Sorry Devon


About two weeks ago I got a very nice email from a reader through my Contact page:

Hi There,
I happened across your blog yesterday and have been reading voraciously
ever since….what can I say it’s been a slow couple of days 😉 I wanted to
compliment you on
1. the quality of your writing. I have been by turns, inclined toward
introspection, brought to tears, laughed uproariously, aroused to raunchy
musings, and impressed by your taste in music! Well played Sir, well played.
2. Your ability to bare your soul, and ask yourself the difficult questions.
3. Your genuine love and appreciation for women despite the difficult
situations you’ve been through.
So, that is all. I feel like some odd sort of groupie now, but wanted to
share my appreciation.
Best of luck with, erm life I suppose?
Devon

So, that gave me a big smile.  I don’t write specifically for an audience, I write because I love to and need to, but it’s always, always nice to hear from someone who enjoyed reading.  I’d also wondered why my stats had jumped so high for one day.

Unfortunately, the email got lost in my inbox until recently.

I replied… or I tried to.

Hey Devon,

Apologies for the slow reply.  Somehow I missed the contact email from
WordPress until I was cleaning out my inbox today.

First off, thanks for reading and then writing to me.  When I started the
blog it was just a confidante, I didn’t really see any benefit except for
having an outlet to vent my feelings.  But over time I’ve come to
appreciate the community of writers and readers out there.  It seems almost
silly in this day of 140 character tweets, but being able to write in-depth
posts is such an important aspect of reaching real connection with people.
There isn’t really a short cut to building that rapport.

That said, it’s a lot of work to keep up with a blog, so it’s always a
boost to hear from someone who’s enjoyed it.  That’s what keeps us going.
I’m so glad that you liked what you read, I’ll attempt to keep it up and
hopefully you’ll enjoy future posts as much.

-Johnny

PS: And don’t be a stranger.  There’s a lot of cool people and good writers
that hang out in this digital dive bar.  Grab a seat, join the
conversation.  You never know what might come of it.

For some reason my reply was returned as “Undeliverable”.

So, Devon, if you’re reading this I did try to reply and I do appreciate hearing from you.  If you’re still around, hit me up again.

Worrisome Flags


Those of you who’ve been reading for a while know I’m a very sex positive, open minded, equality promoting kind of guy.  That might seem contradictory to some of the BDSM behaviors I’ve picked up over the years but it’s not, and that’s something that took me some time to learn and be comfortable with.  My goal has always been to give my partner a good time, bondage, dominance, and everything else are just tools in my tool box for giving her what she wants.  I get out of it what she gets out of it.  It’s never been about me or my desires, it’s about what I can do for her.  Makes sense?

Now, I know that my perspective is not universal to BDSM, nor is it exclusive.  There’s a very wide range of types of people and situations in the BDSM community, most of which are perfectly healthy but others that are a bit too extreme for me.  As long as it’s consensual (emphasis on consensual), than I try not to judge.  To each their own.  But sometimes I see situations that look far from healthy.  That’s one of the reasons I encourage women who are interested in the BDSM scene to find an experienced woman with similar interests to show her the ropes, help keep her safe.  There are definitely some people (guys mostly) that get into the BDSM scene to “validate” abusive relationships and interests, they aren’t “abusive” they’re “kinky”… but abuse is abuse and should be pursued legally no matter where it shows up.

Okay, so you’ve got a very thorough explanation of where I fall on the kink spectrum.  I’m exactly as kinky as my partner and only go as far as she enjoys.  Her having a good time is what’s arousing to me.  She is always the priority, even if she’s tied up and getting spanked (because that’s what she wants, not what I want).

You also know that I’ve been dipping into the Craigslist world to see if I can find a playmate for the months leading up to my move later this year.

Well, last week I got this email response to one of my posts (lightly edited to protect anonymity):

Hello! We are a FWB couple that have been together for XXXX years.  She is a nasty Asian mixed cum slut that is into being dominated and bondage. Both DDF, disease free.  I would like to share her with you for the remaining time you are here.

Our email address is: XXXX

Bob and Sierra

 

Yeah, hopefully you anticipate some of the issues I have with that message, because there’s nothing in here that sounds good to me.

First, you don’t call someone that you’ve been together with for XXXX years a nasty cum slut.  Now, I know there are plenty of people who get off on being called things like that.  I don’t have a problem with these kind of put downs if they’re part of consensual fun between two adults… But that’s something unique to their relationship, not with strangers on the internet.

Let me put it like this, if my partner wanted to be called a “c$m guzzling, sl*tty bitch” I could call her that behind closed doors, just like tying her up or spanking her, because that’s what gets her going.  HOWEVER, and this is a big HOWEVER, I would never call her that to someone else, especially a stranger.  Respecting her wishes, giving her what she wants, not a problem… but showing her disrespect in public is NOT cool (unless it’s somehow explicitly tied into our game, like at a “munch” or something where people understand the dynamic).  Already, the disrespect the writer is showing his “partner” is a total turn off.

Second, he’s writing, not her.  My whole philosophy is female-centric, giving her what she wants is what gets me going.  That she isn’t writing already makes this whole thing borderline already.  Why is he writing instead of her?  Maybe she’s not into this side of their relationship, maybe she doesn’t have a choice, maybe she’s not being given much choice?  Or maybe this is part of their dynamic, more owner-object than partnership.  But still, none of that appeals to me either.

Third, as if the first two weren’t enough (they were), the line “I would like to share her with you…”.  Further emphasizing that this is about him, not her.  He would like to share her… like she were a pair of lucky socks or some tupperware containers.  That attitude disgusts me.

Now, before I go any further, I’m not judging people that are into those kinds of behaviors.  Different kink for different folks.  I’m just talking about this specific email and the things I see in it that bother me.

If she were emailing me about how she wants to get used in the bedroom, that would be one thing.  Or if both of them were messaging me, that would be something else.  Or if he’d started out respectfully and we had some dialogue before he got explicit.  But him putting her down, emailing to offer her?  That’s different.

Pretty much everything I see in this email is flag toward an unhealthy BDSM relationship.  Well, actually they aren’t even in a relationship, he says they’re just FWB.  And, as a FWB, he’s comfortable offering to share her with strangers online, all while showing complete disregard for her.  Her only worth to him is as an object to use… and share, apparently.  And that I’m not cool with.  At all.

Black Friday


Okay, I’m still on break but some stories just need to be written down (I’m still grumpy but getting laid helps).

**

I hate consumerism, I hate shopping, I hate big crowds of people, so Black Friday is the worst day of the year for me.  Most years I make an effort to not even step outside that day; it’s like a tornado, I just hide in my apartment and wait for it to pass.  However, the crazy store hours came in awfully handy this week.

Since Stephanie I’d done zero playing, dating, looking.  Nothing.  For months.  I’m still not up for anything serious mentally or physically, and I’m still moving sometime next year, but the last couple weeks I’ve been running a lot more to get ready for a race… and running really pumps up the libido.  While I might not be up for dating, I was definitely up for some f***ing. Continue reading

Bad Dreams


If you’re a softy like me when it comes to family and children, I’d advise you to skip this post.

When I dream my brain goes to some crazy places.  Most of the time I can trace back the epic stories to some catalyst during the day.  When I did Walking Dead binges my dreams would start off with some predictable zombie scenario but then spin out into these crazy places.  But almost always I can pin point the inspiration.

The few times I can’t are usually the nightmares.  Unlike the epic adventures, these almost seem to stem from some otherworldly influence.  Some dark force creeps into the room and implants the seeds of those bottomless dreams.  Corridors of horror that only lead to more corridors, endless doors into the blackest of the black.

Last night was one of those. Continue reading

The Unfinished Line


I thought I’d give everyone a glimpse into how my brain works today.

This afternoon I was walking my pup I saw something that piqued my curiosity.  A Mercedes.  Just seeing a car wouldn’t mean much, this is a wealthy town, but what happened next was weird.  It stopped.

While the town I live in has a lot of millionaires, or at least their vacation houses, I live in the bad neighborhood.  Like a lot of nice places they managed to single out a neighborhood for all the druggies, broke people, and anyone they don’t want mixing with the blue bloods.  The park, across the creek from my apartment, has to have the homeless population routinely rousted.  On the other side of my building is a halfway house. Continue reading

The Cover Process


Over the years I’ve put up a few dozen comics and cartoons on this site.  They’re fun, they’re quick, and they amuse me greatly.  I’m not a terrific artist by any means, barely a decent cartoonist, but I’ve got a few skills.

And sometimes I use those skills to create covers for the stories I’m writing.  It’s a motivational thing, makes it easier to get through the project if I have some vision of what it could look like when I’m done.
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A couple weeks ago I mentioned something new I’m doing, an erotica-noir-satire that’s all around dirty, sleazy and fun.  I’ve also worked out a draft cover for it and thought I would share my process for creating them.  It’s not fast, it’s actually a pretty big pain in the butt, and I’m sure there are easier ways, but this is what works best for me (so far).  And this is one of the more straightforward covers I’ve done.

Continue reading

New Project


Regular readers know that I also moonlight as a writer.  I’ve got a couple novel length projects, some shorter stuff, some kids stories.  None of them are ‘finished’, they all need some serious editing, but I’m getting better at it.

On writing s

Anyway, I finished a first draft of a novel last month and I’ve been kind of wishy washy over what I should do next.  I’m doing NaNoWriMo again this year, which starts in November.  According to the rules we’re supposed to start a new project on the first day and finish the draft by the end of the month, equaling 50K words.  I’ve done a couple before, they’re fun.

But the dilemma is, what do I do in the interim?  I don’t want to start some serious project that might not be done before NaNo, but I also don’t want to waste the time by not writing. Continue reading

Chasing the Green Dragon


My dog has a few strange traits, one of which is her abhorrence of loud vehicles.  I’m pretty sure that in her head volume = evil, the louder it is the worse it is.

Among the many devils that plague my neighborhood are motorcycles, moving vans, and the worse of the worst, garbage trucks.  These must be defeated at all costs.

In dog logic, the only way to rid the world of loud evil is by being even louder.  Yes, that’s right, the punishment for being noisy is to be bombarded with more noise.  Ie. barking.  Barking as loud as possible with every inch of power in her 25 lb frame. Continue reading

Sunday Morning Craziness


I have a wonderful, wonderful dog.  Mostly.  She’s definitely a personality.  Most of the time we get along great, but one of her less endearing traits is her punctuality.  You see, during the week we go for our morning walk before I leave for work, which is really early in the morning.  This means that on the weekend she expects us to keep this schedule.  No matter what.

So, every Saturday and Sunday morning I’m woken at an ungodly hour by a whining, insistent, nuzzling nose.  She does not care how late I was up the night before, nor how many alcoholic beverages were consumed, nor how hungover and exhausted I am.  When it’s time to go, it’s time to go, and I’ve learned the hard way not to ignore my doggy alarm clock. Continue reading