Ever since I got back from my trip I’ve been ridiculously horny. As such, I’ve found myself drifting more and more toward my old hunting grounds, the place where the darkest shadows meet, the seediest of players gather, the place that always makes me feel like I need to take an antiseptic shower… Craig’s List.
I’m only half kidding. Yes, CL has been a favorite of mine for a long time but it’s not (always) as bad as I make it sound. At least not for guys. Usually. Sure, like an old hotel room, you might not want to go poking around with a UV light, but at least it’s cheap and easy. Continue reading
This morning I kind of gave Ann an ultimatum. I felt like we were in relationship limbo and couldn’t stand it anymore. I told her I wanted to figure out a way to move forward, I was sitting at the negotiating table and needed to know whether she was going to sit down or walk away. She agreed to talk about it over the phone this evening. She wrote A short list of desires about what she wants and what she needs. At the end of the post you can see her internal tug-of-war over the our discussion.
All day I was sweating, I knew what was going to happen.
Ann was going to do the right thing and dump me.
I totally deserved it. If you read her post My Biggest Heart Break, you’ll know that just before their marriage her ex dumped her, they got back together but she was devastated and she never looked at him the same. She regretted not listening to her gut and leaving him then, she never wanted to make that mistake again. Continue reading
One of the things on our “To Do” list for my visit with Ann was to have the relationship talk. Yeah… I wasn’t really looking forward to that one.
Ann and I have a problem, none of the general relationship statuses work for the two of us. Monogamous, non monogamous, polyamorous, etc. No matter what we tried someone was going to start chaffing.
Open – At our distance, open makes sense and that’s what Ann needs right now. I’m fine with open but Ann was really hurt when I went out during our open phase, which was why we switched to closed until my August visit.
Closed – A closed relationship at a distance? Yeah, that could be problematic. I can do closed but Ann just got out of a rough, 15 year marriage and needs her freedom.
Uneven – Ann open, me closed. During my marriage, I was cheated on several times. I need an honest, up front and even relationship. Continue reading
Alright, so you’ve sent the girl of your dreams a photo of your cock (The Art of Seduction pt 1). You’ve sent her an amazing first email (The Art of Seduction pt 2). You’ve gotten dressed and ready for your first date (The Art of Seduction pt 3).
Now it’s time to pick a location. There are a couple good reasons that you should choose the location instead of letting your date.
First, it’s always better to choose a place closer to where she lives. That way if things go really well the two of you end up at her place because it’s closer. Her place is better because you really don’t want her to see the pile of “happy socks” by your bed, the toilet that hasn’t been scrubbed in years, the pile of pizza boxes by the door, the overflowing recycle bin full of beer bottles, and the dishes that are growing rare strains of bacteria in your sink. Those kinds of things will definitely kill the mood.
Secondly, chicks like it when you show initiative. By picking the location she thinks you’re a little more assertive, more driven, and opinionated than you actually are. If you tell your date that you don’t care where you go she will probably think that you’re a lazy, slacking, un-opinionated loser… unless you’re suave like me and say something like “No, babe. I don’t care where we go as long as I get to spend that time with you.” Shit like that makes chicks wet.
Ok, so it’s a good idea for you to pick the location, but how do you chose? Continue reading
So, the other day I got hit on… I think.
I was at one of the writing groups that I attend and this younger woman was paying a lot of attention to me. She was smiling, angling her body toward me and kept trying to engage me in conversation. She was fairly attractive, wore a low cut top that displayed a large amount of cleavage and had a few tasteful tattoos.
I basically ignored her. I mean, I participated in the conversation, I was polite but didn’t engage her back. It was a writing group, we were there to write, not talk.
In fact, I didn’t realize she was being flirty with me until I was driving home.
Fast forward a couple of days.
I think it happened again with a different woman at a different writing group meeting. Continue reading
Recently, I find myself in a bit of a sticky situation.
I’m an extremely controlled, private person. I compartmentalize my life, personal, work, writing, family, etc… each has it’s own clearly defined place, extremely specific and isolated. The parts don’t mix, there’s no overlap. And I almost never discuss personal things in public, or even in private usually. Private thoughts stay private.
The reason that I started blogging was so that I could express, discuss and write about all those inner most thoughts and feelings safely and honestly. I made this blog as anonymous as possible so that I could say absolutely anything without worrying that anyone in my real life might find out about it. There are no links between my real life and this blog.
But things have changed over the last few months. Continue reading
I was chatting with Ann today and lamented the fact that there isn’t really a “horny” emoticon. Winks are all cute but I wanted one that was a little hornier than that. Where’s the one with “come fuck me” eyes? Or gives a steamy, “I want to fuck you” look?
So, I decided to make my own… Yeah, it wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be. In fact, it turned into a bit of a process. A long process that resulted in the following (I get carried away when I’m having fun):
Oooh Continue reading
Are all of you readers (all two of you) tired of me being starry-eyed over Ann yet? It’s basically been a week of constant posts about Ann (Yup, every post except for Naked Thursday). She’s amazing and it’s really easy to just write sappy post after sappy post.
And yet… I’m feeling a little disgusted with myself. Usually this nausea comes from reading other people’s smoochy-cute blogs, this is worse since I’m writing it.
Right now, I feel like I’m at risk of going all soft and fuzzy if I don’t write something moderately offensive (Have you ever heard of a Brazilian Flapjack?). I mean, my street cred has got to be rapidly dropping with each amorous word. My testosterone levels are probably falling, my balls are probably receding and my manliness might be justifiably questioned after the Nicholas-Sparks-like posts I’ve been putting up.
Something must be done.
This is like the Global Warming of my blogging world. The balance of the Johnny Id Universe has been thrown off and something drastic must be done to right the scales. Continue reading
I’ve had so much fun with Julie, she’s fantastic. She’s been featured on several posts so far; Julie Fucks Me, A Funny Conversation, Long Distance Friends With Be, Phone Sex.
She’s a blast.
I’ll let you in on a secret, when I use humor to describe situations with a person it’s because I’m feeling things that I have a hard time facing directly. It’s easier to use humor to deflect a feeling than it is to get serious with myself and be honest. Kind of like “Oh, I’m falling for Julie, ha ha.” Trying to treat it like a joke or something, so it doesn’t come across as serious as it is. I want to be honest, but I also don’t want to sound all grinning and dopey. It would ruin my manly image.
Over the past year or so I’ve been on many dates, but none really went anywhere interesting. Most of them, it was as much my decision as hers to stop seeing each other. There’s just too many things you can spot early in a relationship that send up red flags and you know they won’t work. I’m not one of those people that needs to be in a relationship, I’m comfortable with myself and don’t need someone else to prop me up or define me. I’m not looking for a one night stand, been there and done that, I’m looking for something serious.
So, I’ve pretty much been single for the past year. Happily. Happy, healthy, and unattached. Continue reading
Personally, I’m a little torn on the concept of a dating site exclusively for Christians.
On one hand, I see a business profiting off a religion. They found a niche, an unexploited market, and built the business off it.
Can you quote scripture? Did you come from a good, quality Christian upbringing? Have we got the dating site for you…
Now, all dating sites that charge money are exploiting single, lonely people and their hope to find a lasting relationship. But a dating site that exploits a specific group of people seems pretty creepy to me. Especially when their tagline is “Find God’s match for you.” What gives them the right to claim “God” is on their side? Do they have some direct line to the heavens? If so, why the fuck are they wasting it on finding dates? What about the starving kids in Africa? Or world peace?
Don’t believe in evolution? Or sex before Marriage? Have we got the dating site for you…
How is their site that much closer to God than a regular dating site? Most of those you can search with filters to find the right “religious preference”. But that’s not good enough, they need a whole site dedicated to a single religious group. Wouldn’t want to bump proverbial elbows with the blasphemers.
Don’t want to go to hell? Don’t believe in contraception or sex education? Have we got the dating site for you…