Invitation to discuss Manliness

Yesterday I read a good post from Scott K on the blog Atheists on Fishing, Let’s Talk About Manliness pt 1.   In one part he wrote about how there are groups of Men’s Rights Activists (MRA or meninists) that troll the internet preaching borderline anti-feminist (I’m being polite here) comments, memes, and stories.  I’ve seen some of those myself and have next to no respect for them.

Overall, it’s a good post and I’d recommend giving it a read.

Anyway, I ended up in a back and forth with one of the people who commented, Curiosetta.  Rather than go back and forth on a third party’s blog, and since Curiosetta does not have a blog (at least not a public one that I can find), I offered to have a chat here.  I was traveling but I’m back and have a weekend to spend going on and on about those tricky, hard to reach, big important questions about life

So, Curiosetta, here is the soapbox.  Mi casa es su casa.  Hop on and get wild, let us all know what you think.  What are your opinions, ideas, what are your proposals?  And maybe you can start by telling us a little about yourself?

Lone Saturday Night

I’m trying really hard not to be bummed out tonight.  It’s not working.  It’s been a long, emotional week with lots of ups and downs.  On any other Friday or Saturday night after a rough week I’d have a couple glasses of wine or a couple beers to dull the edges but this week I decided to abstain.  Completely.

The unfortunate side effect of abstaining is that I’m really, really bored.  I’m bummed out and bored.  I got a ton of errands done today, kept myself pretty busy, but it’s early evening and I have run out of things to occupy my time.  Sure, I could go out… but what evening activity on the weekend doesn’t involve copious amounts of alcohol?  I can even here the band playing at the bar down the block from here.  Ah, the sirens call.

So, I’m sitting in my apartment, alone, listening to my dog huff in her sleep and playing around on the internet.  I hate playing around on the internet.  It makes me feel like I’m a bored, bummed out loser with absolutely no life.  Which only reinforces the fact that I don’t have much of a life right now.

I mean, how much can I masturbate in a single night before I go blind?

Bummed, bored, and blind.

Cat and too much history

I’ve written a bit about the open marriage with Cat and how it was the best two years of the marriage.  Well, whenever I write about it I get the inevitable question;

“If it was so great, why did you end up getting divorced?”

That’s a great question, it really is, and not one that is simple to answer.

During the open period Cat and I might have been able to get along, trust each other again, be happy and healthy, but ultimately our shared history was too much to overcome.

When you first meet someone they’re like a blank canvas, full of potential, one big mystery.  Each experience with that person adds something to the canvas.  Nothing is ever removed from the painting, good or bad, it’s there forever. You can’t take back memories. When you have mostly positive experiences the collage is bright and colorful.  When you have mostly bad experiences the collage is darker.

collage s Continue reading

The Open Marriage – Cat 2

Continued from Cat pt 1.

So, Cat and I were on opposite coasts and had decided to have an open marriage.  It wasn’t my idea, it wasn’t what I wanted, but I didn’t feel like I had much choice in the matter.

The first few months on the new coast were really difficult for me.  I was thousands of miles away from my daughter and broken emotionally, financially and mentally.  As bad as it would have been anyway, it was worse because Cat now had “permission” to date other guys and was having a great time back in Georgia.  I knew because every time we talked on the phone there was a different male voice in the background.

After a couple months though, I kind of got my mental shit together.  I couldn’t just sit around feeling sorry for myself, I needed to try and move forward with my life.  I started working out, drinking less and taking better care of myself.  I began to feel a little better.  Feeling better made me more confident.  Confidence and the working out started to turn some female heads. Continue reading

Romance and media

I had a long talk with my mom the other night. My parents had just returned from an extended weekend trip to a very small town on the coast.  We talked about a lot of things and came around to the difficulty my mom had finding a paperback to read on the long road trip back home.

There were plenty of books for my mom to choose from but apparently small town life leads to lonely hearts and most of the books were romance novels.  My mom is more of a crime thriller woman. She was amazed at how many romance novels there were and that they were so popular.

Her opinion, why would she read about romance when she already has love in her life? Continue reading

Visiting Ann: the Ex and more sex

**I recently returned from spending ten fantastic days with Ann St Vincent.  These posts about the visit aren’t going to be in any specific order, there is too much to write on too many topics.  So, don’t look at these like one long story, they are more like post cards or snap shots from a fantastic trip.**

One of the things about visiting Ann that might have been really awkward was meeting her ex-husband.

Ann set up a good schedule beforehand but at least once we would be picking up or dropping off her son with the ex.  Sure, I could have made an excuse and bowed out but the purpose of the trip was to see how well Ann and I got along with each other in our normal lives, meeting the people in her life was one part of that. He might be her ex but he’s also the father of her son and will obviously play some role in her life for the foreseeable future. We needed to know if we could get along. Continue reading

A little bit about sex pt 2

I hadn’t planned on writing a part two but a couple readers seemed interesting in reading more, and one of them posed some interesting questions.  So, I decided to write some more and see where it went.

In the last post I talked about some of the physical and mental aspects of sex, but what about everything that leads up to the actual act?  What are turn ons?  What are ways to seduce your spouse/partner (you should always be trying to seduce your partner)?  How do you make them feel special?

I haven’t consciously thought about those things in a while, they’re things that we just do, not necessarily things that we put much thought into.  Or, at least, I don’t.  Most of this post will be pretty subjective, every person is different.

To me, one of the most important parts of a healthy sex life is making your partner feel appreciated.  It’s such a simple, small thing, but it has a huge impact on having a happy, healthy relationship.  A happy, healthy relationship is key to having a happy, healthy sex life.  What’s good for the goose is good for the gander, or vice versa, if you know what I’ll mean. Continue reading

Father’s Wisdom pt 2

I used to seriously wonder if I was adopted.

When I was IQ tested at a young age my mother refused to tell me the score.  The only reason I asked about it, personally I didn’t much care, was because one of my close friends at the time used to run around declaring he was a genius because he had an IQ of 145.  My mom said I was in the top percentiles with him but the actual number wasn’t important.  I’m not sure if she did that to protect my ego or his.

I’m a fairly intellectual guy (and egotistical), excellent at problem solving and logic, and no one else in my family is in the same intellectual categories as me.  I’m the first college graduate and by far the most successful of anyone in my family.  I remember when I was a teenager looking at my parents and feeling kind of ashamed by their lack of success and drive… and wondering where the hell my brains came from because obviously my parents weren’t that smart.

It took many years and far more life experience before I learned to appreciate the type of intelligence my parents have. Continue reading

Show me the money!

Today I’m going to talk about two things that I almost never talk about here, money and politics, because I heard a story on the radio that really irritated me.  I mean, things never piss me off, right?  It’s so out of the ordinary.

On NPR they were discussing the Obama administration’s comments on ways to raise money for highway repairs.  One of the possible “fixes” is to open up interstate highways to be tolled.  The Washington Post article.

Apparently, no one has any money to pay for road repairs.  The costs have increased beyond the money that has been raised by “traditional” means.  Traditionally, these were covered by taxes on gas purchases, but those have been declining as cars get more efficient (according to the article, anyway).  The tolls would theoretically pay for repairing roads, passing on the costs to the people who use the roads.

Now, this really, really pissed me off. Continue reading

Life, stress, and love

(Just an interesting note, I thought I knew where this post was going, but I didn’t.  Half way through, I had an “Oh, my god…” moment.)

ying yang s

The last two weeks have been really rough for me, in case any of you hadn’t noticed.

I am not a fan of stress.  I can handle stress fine in small doses, at regular intervals, with a chance to get my equilibrium back between the intervals.  When I get constantly bombarded with stress I tend to shut down, get kind of depressed, and require some serious down time before I can get back to normal.  I know all of this about myself, so I try to manage my stress very carefully.

The last two weeks have been absolutely insane at work.  I knew it was going to be bad, I tried to be prepared for it, but it has been two weeks of constant, never ending problems.  One after the other, all day, every day.  I would be busy all day at work, then get texts, emails, and calls for half the night, get very little sleep, and repeat it all the next day.  Over and over.  Every day the stress built on the stress from the day before, accumulating, because I didn’t have any time to decompress.

Day after day after day… for the last two weeks.  I felt like I was coming apart at the seams.

I like to think of my mindset in three basic ways; up, down, and somewhere in the middle.  I’m almost never down, but I’ve definitely had more than a few down days over the past two weeks.

Today marked the end of the worst of it.  I’m well over the top of the ridge, it should be all down hill from here.  My schedule has drastically lightened up, it feels like so much pressure has been released.

I survived.  I feel insanely relieved right now.

And do you know what else I really appreciate right now?  Actually, I should say, who I really appreciate right now?  Ann. Continue reading