Search Terms pt 2


I put up the first post earlier, are all of you ready for the second of my “Search Terms: What kind of creep are you” posts?  Are you as excited about this as I am?  Probably not, but then I’m not all that excited either.  Scared?  Creeped out?  Really curious?  Most definitely.

search terms 2 s Continue reading

Results – Tits vs. Ass


I genuinely don’t care about my stats.  I write purely for my own pleasure, this is my safe place to vent and have fun, and if my posts amuse other people that’s just a fringe benefit.  So, this “Tits vs. Ass” experiment was purely for entertainment purposes.

In case you didn’t notice yesterday, Ann and I had a bet going.  She thought if I posted a picture of my ass I would get as many hits as she did when she posted her tits.  She was surprised when I decided to test out the theory, and we made it interesting by betting a guest post on the other’s blog.  If I was right, and I got fewer hits, than I could post whatever I want on her blog.  If she was right, and I got as many or more hits, she could put up whatever she wanted on mine.

So, yesterday, I posted a photo of my ass.  My first ever nudie pic posted on this site.

Normally, I only check my stats for amusement, but yesterday I was glued to my phone.  “How many hits has my ass gotten so far?”  I must have checked my stats every hour, on the hour.  I took a bunch of screen shots and send them to Ann.  I was obsessed with the data.  It was a fun distraction.  “Am I going to win the bet?” Continue reading

Yes, that’s my ass


johnny ass

Ann and I were having a conversation about the popularity of her blog the other day.  I kept telling her that she’s practically a celebrity, she said it was only because she showed her tits.  They are pretty amazing.

The conversation went something like this:

Me: Yeah, and [your tits] are extraordinary.  Mine wouldn’t generate much traffic.  😉

Ann: Your ass would.

Me: ROFL.  Maybe I should test that theory.

Continue reading

Strange sex scene


I’m a rabid reader, I always have a couple books going.  Normally, what I’ll do is check out the free books listed on Amazon in whatever genre I’m feeling like reading.  Of course, free books are of questionable quality sometimes, but that can be half the fun.

Yesterday though, I read a strange sex scene that actually really creeped me out.  I’m not going to call out the author or book here because I’m sure the writer put a lot of blood, sweat, and tears into writing it.  She’s a self-published author and I think this is her only book, so she deserves a lot of credit for putting herself out there.

The book is about America after some crazy nuclear attacks that wipe out huge portions of the states.  The survivors are running around, trying to find food and group together, and fight the crazy-violent-types that come out of the woodwork.  There are some really strange themes that run through the book, military branches, patriotic, magic, weird sexual stuff, and man vs. nature stuff too.

Anyway, this sex scene. Continue reading

Naked Thursday #12


For all of you noobs, you can read the explanation and previous posts on the Naked Thursday page.

There are some things that are good to do on Naked Thursdays, other things are not so good.

Naked alligator wrestling

One of the things that isn’t so good to do on Naked Thursdays is taking Alligator Wrestling lessons.

Maybe you always dreamed of dry lizard skin sliding between your legs, or running your scrotum over the bumpy ridges but it’s probably not a good idea.  Hmmm… dry, bumpy lizard skin rubbing against my balls…

Wait, yeah, no.  Bad idea.  Especially since alligators are usually fed by dangling chunks of chicken in their cage…  Yeah, the dangling pieces of meat hanging in front of their tooth-filled maws…  Meat that’s just waiting to be chomped into…   Depending on your ball-size you’d either be a tempting appetizer or a walking buffet. Continue reading

Mojo-jojo-jojo


Geez, this last week I’ve just felt… off.  Like something’s missing.

For the past week I’ve just been kind of moping around my apartment, bored and lonely and horny.  Not necessarily in that order.

I haven’t even been writing much, most of my recent posts were all written in the whirlwind after my five days with Ann and then scheduled to go up in order.  Since then, I’ve hardly been inspired.

Sigh…

Ann and I are back to our long, long, long distance relationship but that can’t be causing these problems.  I refuse to believe this is some kind of mopey, sad-puppy-dog-eyes, lonely-heart syndrome caused by missing Ann.  No way.  It’s simply not possible.  I haven’t been capable of those kind of sappy, co-dependent attachment issues for the past decade.  I’m not a teenager anymore, I have far too much control over myself to go all heart-eyed over a woman.  It’s just not possible.  No.  Fucking.  Way.

So, really there’s only one other possible alternative: Continue reading

The Birds and the Bees pt 1


My parents and I never really did the whole “birds and bees” conversation.  As a family, we didn’t really talk about anything awkward, intimate, or personal, instead we wandered around the house in individual bubbles and tried to convince ourselves that nothing awkward, or intimate, or personal existed in the first place.  Our parents led the family, quite convincingly, into pretending that everything was always perfect, normal, and anything else wasn’t worth acknowledging.

And Mom would always say, “You know you can talk to us about anything, right?”

No, Mom, we can’t.

Whenever one of us kids would ask an awkward or personal question, our Dad would refer us to Mom, who would do the equivalent of putting her fingers in her ears and briskly walk from the room saying “LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!” to cover any of our voice that made it past her fingers.  Then she would hide in her room for three days and come out pretending that nothing had ever been said.  That was how we dealt with awkwardness in my family.  Avoidance and selective memory.  Apparently, this is the New England method of problem solving.

Two specific and related memories come to mind when I think of my parents and the “sex” (taboo) conversation. Continue reading

The Leibster Blog Award


Recently, I received the Liebster Blog Award from Desirious and I’m truly fascinated by the prospect.   This award breaks up my normal monotonous life filled with sexcapades and debauchery, so a big thank you to Desirious.  If you haven’t checked out her blog, it’s a fun one and you definitely should.  Apologies for the delay, Desirious it’s been a really busy week, which I’ll be posting about soon.

liebster-award1

 

I’d like to start with a short acceptance speech.

First off, I’d like to thank my Mother.  If she had been a half-way reasonable human being, slightly understanding, mildly accommodating, than I wouldn’t have had to come up with a sense of humor to survive my childhood.  I would like to thank my ex-wife for teaching me a mastery in the arts of manipulation.  She was so amazing at it that most women seem like amateurs in comparison.  Additionally, I would like to thank the inventor of the internet, Al Gore, for providing me this amazing capability to spread my mental illnesses throughout the unsuspecting masses around the world.

ID Award Continue reading

Sex and Marriage are for Procreation?


One of the new trends in the homophobic, fundamental, conservative groups around the US is to use “procreation” as a justification to avoid giving homosexuals the right to marry.  They claim that Marriage is purely about procreation and since homosexuals cannot procreate they should not be allowed to marry.

That’s the biggest piece of BS I’ve heard in a long time.  And yet the argument has somehow made it to the US Supreme Court.

What does marriage have to do with procreation?  Absolutely nothing.  Justices, you heard it here first.

What?  Yeah, you read it.  Marriage and procreation are two totally different things, completely and utterly unrelated.

I’m not an expert on marriage vows, but I pretty sure there’s nothing in there that says “And I will impregnate you with my sperm.  The spermatozoa will travel from my penis into your uterus and fertilize your eggs.  Our chromosomes will join together and that egg will grow and multiply for the next 9 months until a child is born of our union.”

Marriage = Procreation?  That is stupid on so many levels. Continue reading

Talk Clean to Me


When I’m bored I check the WordPress posts tagged with “sex”, I can usually find something amusing, entertaining, or offensive.

I recently found this blog, Sierra Parker, that seems to be dedicated to promoting male chastity to increase intimacy in relationships.

This sounded unique, which made it interesting, so I checked it out.

It looks like the author’s theory is that some men are so focused on the physical aspect of sex that they don’t experience any other kind of intimacy in a relationship.  So, if he becomes chaste he’ll have to focus on everything else instead of himself.  She encourages physical closeness, even being sexual with your partner, but discourages the male orgasm.

She even mentions chastity belts that make arousal painful for men so that they avoid even thinking about sex or masturbation.

This is an interesting theory and might actually help some relationships.  I could see guys that are so focused on getting their rocks off they don’t learn to enjoy the other aspects of a good relationship.

sexy-doctor-kI’m pretty sure Sierra Parker looks like this.

But the problem was, reading her blog was getting me all hot under the collar.  Despite using more clinical terms like ejaculation, penis, clitoris, vagina, she was describing sex tips. Continue reading