Men and Breakups


Last month I mentioned an interesting article I’d read recently.  At the time I didn’t feel like going into it so it was just the preface to a Friday Night Music post.

An excerpt:

The post I was going to originally do was based on this article, “Why Break Ups Hurt More For Women.”

For those too lazy to read the article, it describes how men and women react differently to break ups.  According to the study, women are hurt far more when a relationship ends, then they eventually recover and are generally stronger for the experience.  Compared to men, men are hurt less after the break up but never recover, just move on.

Just reading that summary, you should have some idea where I’m going with this.  I kind of feel like the article and the study missed something.  The title says break ups hurt more for women… but they recover… and are stronger afterwards, men are just kind of a footnote but it says they never get over it.  To me, that begs the question how break ups (some study said we average three by our thirties) affect men long term.  According to the study women would get stronger and stronger, it seems to follow then that men would get weaker and weaker… which is fascinating in many ways.  But they never follow up on that.

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Thursday is Friday Night Music – Women that Rock


I had a rough day and wanted to do something fun, and maybe a little bit different, so I decided to do more music tonight.  With the conversations earlier this week I decided to specialize the music selections provided.  Women that rock.  Hell yeah.

I’m a huge fan of female vocalists in all genres and before anyone complains, I’ve had to severely limit the selection because there are just way, way, way, way too many bad ass bands to include them all.  Feel free to make recommendations in the comments, I’ll try to make sure they’re included in further posts.

I also decided to do something a little different this week and provide some new recommendations in the second section.  I pulled a few of my favorites and dug around on some sites to find some modern bands that are definitely worth checking out.

Part 1 – Relatively older stuff that’s still awesome.  And by older I’m limiting myself to rock bands 90’s and later.  If you want to skip these because you’re already familiar with the bands, feel free, but definitely check out the newer recommendations in part 2. Continue reading

A One Sided Debate


Since it seems Curiosetta is unwilling to participate in a discussion, I guess I’ll just post my rebuttal.

First, I’d like to just take a moment and explain why the comments that sparked all this pissed me off so much.  There are some crazy people with extreme views that go around and snipe at people online, usually hiding behind anonymity.  Those trolls are annoying but most readers can look at those comments and see that they’re just crazy and extreme and disregard them.  Those types of trolls don’t bother me, they’re more sad than anything else.

No, the people that bug me are the ones with extreme views that are smart enough to incorporate legitimate issues with bullshit misinformation or ridiculousness.  These people piss me off because when you question them they fall back on the nugget of legitimacy.

I’ll give you an fake example.  “Texting and driving is extremely dangerous.  Only uneducated idiots from Colorado text and drive.”

If someone argues against the inflammatory (and stupid) ‘uneducated idiots from Colorado’ part, the original commentor can pull out stats about how dangerous texting and driving is and obviously anyone who disagrees with them is pro-death.  They’re essentially relying on one part of their argument being close to inarguable to lend legitimacy to their whole statement. Continue reading

Invitation to discuss Manliness


Yesterday I read a good post from Scott K on the blog Atheists on Fishing, Let’s Talk About Manliness pt 1.   In one part he wrote about how there are groups of Men’s Rights Activists (MRA or meninists) that troll the internet preaching borderline anti-feminist (I’m being polite here) comments, memes, and stories.  I’ve seen some of those myself and have next to no respect for them.

Overall, it’s a good post and I’d recommend giving it a read.

Anyway, I ended up in a back and forth with one of the people who commented, Curiosetta.  Rather than go back and forth on a third party’s blog, and since Curiosetta does not have a blog (at least not a public one that I can find), I offered to have a chat here.  I was traveling but I’m back and have a weekend to spend going on and on about those tricky, hard to reach, big important questions about life

So, Curiosetta, here is the soapbox.  Mi casa es su casa.  Hop on and get wild, let us all know what you think.  What are your opinions, ideas, what are your proposals?  And maybe you can start by telling us a little about yourself?

Observed first date


So, I’m at the coffee shop where I normally go to write and I find myself distracted by the patrons.  This shop is never busy, that’s why I come here.  Today, there are two people in particular drawing my attention.

Have you ever seen a couple that are obviously on their first date?  Yeah…

This particular couple irritates me. I really want to walk up to this chick, shake her, and tell her to go home and lose his number.

I’ve mentioned to you readers a few times that I’m pretty good at reading people and situations, and what I see this afternoon is so irksome that it’s distracting me. Continue reading

Post Visiting Ann: The relationship talk


One of the things on our “To Do” list for my visit with Ann was to have the relationship talk.  Yeah… I wasn’t really looking forward to that one.

Ann and I have a problem, none of the general relationship statuses work for the two of us.  Monogamous, non monogamous, polyamorous, etc. No matter what we tried someone was going to start chaffing.

Open – At our distance, open makes sense and that’s what Ann needs right now.  I’m fine with open but Ann was really hurt when I went out during our open phase, which was why we switched to closed until my August visit.

Closed – A closed relationship at a distance?  Yeah, that could be problematic.  I can do closed but Ann just got out of a rough, 15 year marriage and needs her freedom.

Uneven – Ann open, me closed.  During my marriage, I was cheated on several times.  I need an honest, up front and even relationship. Continue reading

Cat and too much history


I’ve written a bit about the open marriage with Cat and how it was the best two years of the marriage.  Well, whenever I write about it I get the inevitable question;

“If it was so great, why did you end up getting divorced?”

That’s a great question, it really is, and not one that is simple to answer.

During the open period Cat and I might have been able to get along, trust each other again, be happy and healthy, but ultimately our shared history was too much to overcome.

When you first meet someone they’re like a blank canvas, full of potential, one big mystery.  Each experience with that person adds something to the canvas.  Nothing is ever removed from the painting, good or bad, it’s there forever. You can’t take back memories. When you have mostly positive experiences the collage is bright and colorful.  When you have mostly bad experiences the collage is darker.

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Pen names


Fair warning, there’s some shit in here that might come off as sexist.  That’s not necessarily my intent, but I am writing generalizations about many female authors I’ve read.  If that shit pisses you off, keep reading and then leave me a nasty comment.  Nasty comments make me hard.

I just finished a fairly light-hearted book about zombies.  I love zombie books and this one had a promotion or something going where it was free, so I picked it up.

The book was pretty decent.  It did follow a fairly generic story line without any big twists or surprises, but it was entertaining enough that I finished it and considered buying the sequel ($2.99, nope).  What surprised me though, was that I was totally convinced the author was a woman, but when I hit the author page at the back there was a male name.  That threw me for a loop, there was no way this book was written by a dude.

First, I thought maybe this guy had just read WAY too many books written by women, their techniques just rubbed off on him… but then I thought about it some more and realized it was far more likely that the book was actually written by a woman but one who chose a male pen-name.  It would also explain why there was no photo on the author page, even though everything else about the book was fairly high quality. Continue reading

Father’s Wisdom pt 1


This blog is sometimes paints a fairly one-sided portrait of me.  You see, writing tends to show my softer, thoughtful, more introspective side.  My more manly side doesn’t come through very often because of the topics I generally talk about here, emotions, sex, relationships, thinking, joking, etc.  But I am definitely no metrosexual, or even much of an intellectual, I literally grew up in the woods and was named after a Mountain Man that my Dad idolized.  I did write one previous post on Manly Attributes on blogger, which lays out some of my views.

So, I thought today I would spend a little time talking about my perspective on manhood.  These come almost directly from my Dad, who’s wisdom on the topic I appreciate more and more as the years go by.  Some of this might come across as sexist, or even cheesy and old fashioned, but PC or not here we go:

a man s Continue reading

A little bit about sex


This post is a lot about me and my views on sex.  I’m not writing any of this to try and build myself up or put anyone down, I’m just trying to give another perspective and/or get people (mostly guys) thinking about how they approach sex.

I read a post a little earlier about a woman’s frustration over inadequate male sexual performance.  She said that most of the time the man cums and the sex is over, no matter how close (or far) the woman is from orgasm, rolls over and falls asleep.  This is not an uncommon situation based on many of the posts I’ve read.

The problem tends to be that many men place all the importance of sex on the orgasm (to a lesser degree on her having one as well, it’s an ego boost).  Wham, bam, thank you, ma’am.  To a degree, in certain circumstances, I can understand this.  If you’ve been in a long term relationship for a while, busy lives, stressed, work too much, maybe throw in a couple kids, and only have limited time and energy for sex, I can see focusing on the orgasm a bit (even still, it should be mutual).  Sometimes, quickies are a lot of fun too.  Git-er-done, as  Larry the cable guy would say. Continue reading