Visiting Ann: a cock block and a party pt 2

**I recently returned from spending ten fantastic days with Ann St Vincent.  These posts about the visit aren’t going to be in any specific order, there is too much to write on too many topics.  So, don’t look at these like one long story, they are more like post cards or snap shots from a fantastic trip.**

Continued from A cock block and a party pt 1.

When you’re in love even mundane tasks can be a lot of fun.  As we shopped for her party, Ann and I laughed, flirted, and practically skipped around the grocery store, hand in hand.

Ann made choosing cheeses sexy. She’d be shopping, sorting through items, and give me a steamy look.  Yeah, just you wait until we’re behind closed doors.

As we shopped, every once and a while I stopped her, pulled her closer to me, and wrapped my arms around her.  Our lips would meet briefly, our hips pressed together.

Over and over.  Aisle after aisle.

Yeah, we were the lovey-dovey couple, getting all cutesy in public, that pisses off all the single people.  Well, too bad for them.  I only had ten days with Ann and I was absolutely going to make the most of it. Continue reading

A Truly Loving Relationship

This is something I’ve been working on for weeks.  The concepts are difficult to articulate but I think it’s finally come together.

There are three different concepts that are inextricably intertwined in relationships in our society.  The terminologies might be different, but the ideas and points are all very similar… and all very wrong.  The misconceptions around these points ruin many relationships and blind us to opportunities that might lead to a happier life.



Most people don’t realize that possession plays such a large role in our romantic lives.  We don’t consciously think, “She moved in with me, that pussy is mine now,” but subconsciously that’s exactly what we think.  It’s what we expect.  In a serious relationship we believe that we own our significant other and that they own us.  This is even more obvious during marriage ceremonies where two partners vow their body, their mind and their lives to be together… forever.  That partner has “rights” to their spouse’s body.  If that spouse cheats, the other partner reacts like a first grader that just had their toy taken away; “No!  That’s mine!  I don’t wanna share!”

Jealousy is the direct result of feeling ownership over another human being, not wanting to share.

possession s Continue reading

New Relationship Category

One of the most frustrating things about being a divorced, single guy is being asked my relationship status.  If any of you readers are “single” and/or “divorced” then you probably know what I mean.  Just saying “single” or “divorced” is depressing.  I have those two options, and they’re both terrible.

single - divorced

If I tell people I’m divorced, I get one of two reactions; “What the fuck is wrong with you that caused a divorce” or pity, “Oooh, you poor broken man.”

A) There’s nothing wrong with me, my ex and I grew apart and amicably divorced.  We have a great friendship and communicate regularly.

B) The divorce getting finalized was one of the best days of my life.  I had this new opportunity to explore life and start new relationships.

So, not fucked up, and not broken.

What about calling myself “single”? Continue reading

Can Men and Women be friends? Online?

A couple weeks ago I read a post from a fellow blogger, Ann St. Vincent.  She’d written a post about a new guy she was seeing (Giant #3).  There were a couple things that were said in the post that tweaked my antennae.  A couple statements about the guy weren’t adding up and I had some theories as to why.

Fighting my better instincts, I decided to inject myself into the situation.

Ha!  As if I have better instincts!  That would have been a good joke for April fools, too late now though.

So, I sent an unsolicited email to Ann.  It pointed out the inconsistencies that I saw in the guy’s behavior and possible explanations.  Honestly, I figured she’d read it, think I was some weird creep, and delete it without replying.

To my surprise, within a couple hours I had a very nice response from Ann.  She already had some sense of what was going on with him and some of the things I pointed out in the message resonated with her.  Recently, she wrote another post about him, My Giant Says Thank You, and quoted some of my email.  Pretty cool.

After that first email we spent the rest of the day emailing back and forth, talking about relationships, dating, and blogging.  It turns out that Ann is a very smart, attentive, funny, articulate and interesting woman.  She read all of my older posts on Id’s Redbook, I read all of her posts on Ann St. Vincent, and we went back and forth discussing posts.  As a talented writer and interested reader she had a lot of good feedback on posts I’d written.  We both blog, she’s got a kid, I’ve got a kid, we’re both divorced, so there was a lot to talk about.

It was really nice and totally unexpected.  I had no idea when I sent that email that I would meet this cool woman.  I’d read some of her posts, but that doesn’t always paint an accurate picture of the writer.  If anything, she is way, way cooler than I would have guessed. Continue reading