A Little Tease


This afternoon I was at a coffee shop with a friend.  It’s a weekly thing we do, just to get together.

This week, at the table next to us was a beautiful, older woman.  Where we were, in that area, right outside the college, there are always a ton of young, hot women around.   Granted, she was a bit older than the usual college crowd but nothing that far out of the ordinary.  Both me and the friend are single but that’s not why we go there, it’s just a convenient location, it does make for fun scenery though.

This woman was one of those almost ageless types.  The kind where you have to give a generous range when trying to guess an age.  I’d have to say, somewhere between mid-40’s and early-60’s.  Seriously, it could be anywhere in those two decades.  Mature but hot and in terrific shape.

So, I kept half an eye on her while she was there.  I try and go for “appreciative of a beautiful woman” and polite rather than “leering” but it’s hard to judge one’s own behavior.  PG on the outside, whatever NC17 stuff is going on inside my head.

About half an hour after she arrived she opened up some boxes she brought with her.  I thought maybe she’d just finished some shopping and was looking at her purchases but then she started setting things up.  Some speakers, a little projector, a laptop.

She had even less technical know-how than I have, so I ended up helping her.  All the while I wondered why anyone would be setting up speakers and a projector in the middle of a coffee shop, but I put that question aside while helping her find outlets and the right cords.

Best guess, this woman was a little younger than my mom, probably early to mid 50’s, blonde, leggy, and attractive as hell.  She was wearing this sun dress that clung to every curve, and she had some nice curves.

We chatted a little bit, she was really nice.  I was tempted to put some moves on until I found out what she was doing…

With permission from the owners, she was showing an educational film about the wonders of having child birth at home… and those of use in that area of the coffee shop were warned that the film was quite graphic…

In a coffee shop.  At four o’clock on a week day.

Yeah, that’s a quick libido killer.

Me and my friend made some quick goodbyes and beat feet out of there.

Too bad, I liked her.  There’s just no way I could sleep with a woman who goes around to coffee shops and shows movies like that.  Nothing against the movies themselves, or the ideas behind them, but that’s just too much for me.

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The cost of sex


When my last FWB, Jane, broke things off so she could do some “real” dating, I was happy for her but torn for myself.  I’m only going to be in my current location for about six months before moving a few thousand miles for work.  I’d already decided that dating was off the table, it would have just complicated things, but I didn’t want to be entirely celibate either.  So, should I get  back into the search for a new FWB or just lay off until after the move?

I was lucky with Jane, despite how short the fling was.  She was exactly what I was looking for, someone who knew what they wanted, were comfortable with the conditions, and was a ton of fun.

Knowing I was unlikely to get that lucky again, I decided to just wait until after the move.  It sucks but seemed like the best option for the time being.

Well, it’s gone surprisingly well so far.

Last night I was bopping around the apartment, getting some spring cleaning done with a spring in my step, whistling a tune and thinking that life was pretty good.  Looking back, I’ve gotten more positive improvement done in my life in the last two weeks than in the last six months.  Seriously.  I got myself enrolled in classes for my Masters, my apartment has never been cleaner, and I’ve even picked up the slack in my workout routine.

I’ve lost ten pounds in two weeks.  No shit.  And I feel great.  I’m less stressed, I’m happier, it’s like going on anti-depressants without the side effects.

All this got me thinking, was dating holding me back all these years?  Was the time, effort and money put into getting sex and looking for relationships actually detrimental to my quality of life?

The answer wasn’t obvious so I decided to meditate on it.  Here’s what I’ve come up with:

Dating is a lot like going to the mall every day with a particular purchase in mind, but it’s never in stock.  Some days you see something that looks promising but it turns out to be the opposite but most days there isn’t even anything close.  It’s frustrating, it’s depressing, and generally going to the mall that day wasn’t worth the time or effort.  It’s like having a goal that is constantly frustrated and isn’t really achievable.

In other words:  Fuck yes, dating was detrimental to my life.

Why should I get back into that turgid pool after the move?  Why risk all the positives that I’ve gained?  Why bother when I’m happier without it?

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That’s when I decided I needed to write this post.  But not just that, I wanted to do some research to see if I could back up my opinions with facts.  I know I’m not the only one that’s decided he’s better off without dating.

Well, it’s surprisingly difficult to find studies on how many people stop dating and it’s affects on their mental health.  Most of the results were click bait titles like “Stop dating men in their 30’s who pop their collar” or other bullshit like that.

But I also found a few articles like this one:  http://elitedaily.com/dating/im-guy-stopped-dating-found-next-best-thing/954714/

The search also led me to a large online group of men who’ve also decided to give up dating.  While it didn’t have much in the way of statistics it had a lot of opinion pieces from guys who’ve come to the same conclusion as I have.  It’s called Men Going Their Own Way.  While some of their articles are a little weird, there were also some that I found quite interesting.  It’s always good to get a variety of opinions.

And that’s when I had something of a Eureka moment.  Over and over in the articles I was seeing the same things, the same stories, the same frustrations.  Men are truly f***ed in modern American society.  No wonder so many of them just decide to stop playing the game.

It’s not just dating, it’s society that puts a ridiculous amount of pressure on men to be successful, to fill certain roles, to shoulder the burdens of the world while being constantly harassed about not doing enough.  And we’re constantly told that we’re not good enough.

How is that fair?  It’s not.

Things have got to change and fast.

And you know who is the only presidential candidate standing up for men’s rights?  Who understands the difficulties and doesn’t put up with all the political-correctness bullshit?  Who isn’t afraid to point out when a woman is being a B****?

You guessed it.

Make America Great Again.

Follow up email


Okay, I couldn’t help myself.  That shouldn’t surprise all of you.  I replied to the weird email that I talked about in the previous post.  The message was just too off the wall, I needed to know more.  Turns out the story gets even stranger.

In the first email, dude basically offers me the use of his nympho sub for the summer.  Yeah.   There was nothing about the message that interested me at all, rather the attitude the dude had was really bothersome, which is what the last post was about.

But I couldn’t just leave it there,  I wrote back a quick, two line message.  Basically a “tell me more”.  I didn’t really want to engage with him but I was curious about him and the situation.  Call me an amateur sociologist.

We’re going with Bob and Sierra for names, for now.  According to him, long term “FWB” with a big kinky streak.

This was his response (edited for anonymity):

“Sierra is my sub, she calls me her Master.  She’s early 40’s, (irrelevant details).  I’m early 50’s, (irrelevant details).  She’s into all kinds of kink, especially playing with multiple guys.  We’re DDF and tested often.  We are hoping to share her while you’re in the area as long as you’re discrete and can host.  You sounded like someone who would appreciate the opportunity.”

Alright, on the surface there are some oddities but there were a couple details that really stood out.  Specifically, they’re both decades older than me, have been playing together for four years… but can’t host and emphasize being discrete…

What the fuck?  This screams “we’re two adults cheating on our significant others and looking for somewhere to hook up”.  Probably tired of making out in cars or paying for hotel rooms.  But this dude acts like he’s trying to do me a favor?

For those of you who don’t know me so well… I’m an extraordinarily private person.  I’m a hermit in training and don’t waste my time on most people.  Sure, Bob doesn’t know that… but what kind of unreasonable douchebag is he?  Not only treating Sierra like shit, he’s probably cheating on a wife or long time partner, and he’s willing to offer his mistress’ orifices to a stranger just to have a place to fuck her.

My response (edited for anonymity):

“Bob, I appreciate your offer but felt that I should outline my own positions before we go any further.  I don’t play with couples or groups unless I’m very comfortable with them beforehand, and I’m certainly not interested in being anyone’s third wheel.  If (Sierra) wants to meet with me, see if we get along, that would be a good first step.  If Sierra and I click maybe down the line I’d be open to adding others.  But it would only be in stages and accommodating all of our comfort levels.

“Second, your concern for ‘discrete’ partners and inability to host implies to me that you’re both involved with others and this is some side situation, which I’m not okay with.  If that isn’t the case, please set me straight.”

Yeah, I was more polite than I needed to be, but I’m a polite kind of guy and I was still curious what info I could get from him.

His reply was unsurprising:

“Yes, we are, as you put it, ‘involved’ with other people but we’ve been together for (years) and have never had any drama.  Sierra only plays with me, so if you’re suggesting time with just her than there is nothing else to really discuss.  Good luck with your search.”

Yeah, that put pretty much all my questions to rest.

There are so many douche bags out there.  I’m quite sincere when I tell people that I’m glad I’m not a woman in the dating scene these days, I couldn’t stand it.

Hot Lunch


I know it’s a bit of a click-bait title but I couldn’t help it.  (And, sorry Sassygirl40, no smut yet.  Just haven’t been feeling it recently.)

It’s been a while since I’ve written anything here.  I’ve been busy adulting.  I’m getting ready for the impending move and taking care of a bunch of things.  Even got my taxes done before the deadline, pretty good for someone like me who always puts everything off to the last minute.

Anyway, as today represents the end of a very long and mostly productive week I took myself out to lunch at Subway.  Big spender, I know.  But one of the things that I love about the Subway near where I work is that it’s always staffed by hot women.  Shallow, probably, but it makes the whole experience a little nicer.

Today, there was an absolutely gorgeous redhead serving me, totally my type.  Athletic but still with curves, some tasteful tattoos, pretty but down to earth.  She looked like the type that probably played Roller Derby on the weekends, or at least had some friends that did.  That she had a great smile and got my jokes were just icing on the cake.

And a wedding ring.

Too bad.

I really wanted to take her aside and ask her where I could meet someone just like her.  Maybe ask her if she had a twin sister that was single, or failing that maybe a best friend.  And I probably would have said something if the place hadn’t gotten busy.  Well, that and I wasn’t sure if it would come off as weird.

Maybe next time.

Dipping in my… toes


Ever since I got back from my trip I’ve been ridiculously horny.  As such, I’ve found myself drifting more and more toward my old hunting grounds, the place where the darkest shadows meet, the seediest of players gather, the place that always makes me feel like I need to take an antiseptic shower…  Craig’s List.

I’m only half kidding.  Yes, CL has been a favorite of mine for a long time but it’s not (always) as bad as I make it sound.  At least not for guys.  Usually.  Sure, like an old hotel room, you might not want to go poking around with a UV light, but at least it’s cheap and easy. Continue reading

Home again, home again


Almost as soon as I heard about the craziness back home (mentioned in the previous post, Off to a bad start) I was looking for plane tickets.  Thankfully, work has been light so far this year and getting two weeks off after the holidays wasn’t such a hard sell to my bosses.

I haven’t written much about Jane, my recent FWB, I’ll have to catch up on that later, but we’d been seeing each other since Thanksgiving (which was only about a month, in hindsight).  A few days before the trip I got a text that would normally send a chill down my spine, “We need to talk.”   Continue reading

Endings and endings


It’s a kind of hard to write much about the breakup with Stephanie, like most of our relationship it was pretty unremarkable.  I suppose that’s a good thing but it does complicate writing about it.

When I first met Stephanie and we started going out I knew I was going to break her heart.  While we’re the same age, she was far less experienced than me in relationships.  She still harbored fairy tale dreams.  It was interesting because on a superficial level she’s far more successful, good professional job, connections, but behind closed doors it was like she was 17 instead of in her thirties.  I’m not going to go into her personal life here but she had some familial issues at a young age that delayed her sexual/romantic life.  Think forty year old virgin but not quite as bad. Continue reading

I can be an asshole sometimes


I often tell people I’m an asshole, it’s surprising how few people believe that.  I might not be one all the time but I have flashes just like everyone else.

This evening I was having dinner with Stephanie.  She was talking about how videos were more and more common, cameras everywhere.  In some ways that’s pretty awesome, the ability to hold everyone accountable for their actions and record meaningful events.  On the other hand it’s a terrifying, 1984-esque concept.  It led to the following conversation.

Stephanie: “Someday soon we’re all going to be recorded 24/7, all accountability all the time.”

Me: “No way, uh uh.  I’ll move to a tiny cabin in the middle of nowhere if we ever reach a situation even close to that.”

(That’s not an uncommon comment from me, I often talk about how I’d rather be a hermit than live in a society I don’t like.  Which is more and more likely every day.)

Stephanie gave me a sly look: “You always picture yourself alone in that cabin or do you see someone else with you?”

I thought about that for a moment before giving her the honest answer:  “Nope, all alone.”

That pretty much ended our almost romantic evening.  No regrets.

Stephanie


I haven’t written much about Stephanie other than briefly mentioning her in other posts.  There hasn’t been much to write about, really.  And I don’t really know what to say about her.  I’m struggling a bit and that’s unusual for me.

First off, there’s nothing wrong with her and I don’t mean this as a criticism of her.  If anything, the lackluster “relationship” is more a reflection on me.  She’s a successful woman, close to my age, easy to get along with, nice, has good friends and is interested in many of the things I am.  She’s not perfect but on paper she’s a good match for me.  However, what looks good on paper doesn’t always play out that way in real life.

Again, that’s more my fault than hers.

I met Stephanie at pretty much exactly the wrong time.  Over the last couple years I’ve had too many ups and downs, I’m exhausted.  I’m jaded.  I’m cynical.  I’m overwhelmed.  I’m so emotionally detached right now that I have zero interest in being in a relationship.  At all.  Period.  With anyone.   Sex doesn’t even interest me right now because of all the things that come with it.

She asked about how my parents were doing after my grandma died.  I told her.  She wanted to send them a little care package.  I just shrugged that off, I don’t want to have anyone I’m casually dating involved with my family, but that’s the type of person she is.

The other night she sent a brief “good night” text around dinner time.  Now, knowing her as I do, I’m sure she was going to dinner with a friend.  I didn’t ask because I didn’t really care.  A short while later a though occurred to me, she could be cheating.  It was a brief thought, more of an internal joke than anything else, but my response to that thought was remarkable.  I laughed.  There were no flashes of jealousy, no disappointment, or anything like that.  I thought if it turned out she was cheating that would be funny.  It was be an interesting twist to the situation.  She isn’t, she isn’t the type, but it would be funny if she was.

Yeah, you could say I’m detached.  I’m not sure if this is a temporary situation or the new normal but at the moment it’s kind of liberating.  I don’t care.  I could just as easily be single at the moment, and that might even be preferable.

The Writing Bug


Inspiration is a strange thing.  A week ago I finished the first draft of my latest fiction project.  Yay, go me.  My regular pattern is to immediately start the next project.  You see, it’s really difficult, almost impossible, to edit something you’ve just written.  It’s too close, everything seems right because you just wrote it.  It’s more effective to finish the next project then go back to edit the previous one, it’s easier to see the errors and things that need to be changed.

So, as soon as I was done I started brainstorming the next project.  I already had a couple ideas bouncing around but nothing that jumped out.  I’ve found it’s better not to try and force a project that I’m not feeling at the moment, so I kept looking. Continue reading