Men and Breakups

Last month I mentioned an interesting article I’d read recently.  At the time I didn’t feel like going into it so it was just the preface to a Friday Night Music post.

An excerpt:

The post I was going to originally do was based on this article, “Why Break Ups Hurt More For Women.”

For those too lazy to read the article, it describes how men and women react differently to break ups.  According to the study, women are hurt far more when a relationship ends, then they eventually recover and are generally stronger for the experience.  Compared to men, men are hurt less after the break up but never recover, just move on.

Just reading that summary, you should have some idea where I’m going with this.  I kind of feel like the article and the study missed something.  The title says break ups hurt more for women… but they recover… and are stronger afterwards, men are just kind of a footnote but it says they never get over it.  To me, that begs the question how break ups (some study said we average three by our thirties) affect men long term.  According to the study women would get stronger and stronger, it seems to follow then that men would get weaker and weaker… which is fascinating in many ways.  But they never follow up on that.

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Endings and endings

It’s a kind of hard to write much about the breakup with Stephanie, like most of our relationship it was pretty unremarkable.  I suppose that’s a good thing but it does complicate writing about it.

When I first met Stephanie and we started going out I knew I was going to break her heart.  While we’re the same age, she was far less experienced than me in relationships.  She still harbored fairy tale dreams.  It was interesting because on a superficial level she’s far more successful, good professional job, connections, but behind closed doors it was like she was 17 instead of in her thirties.  I’m not going to go into her personal life here but she had some familial issues at a young age that delayed her sexual/romantic life.  Think forty year old virgin but not quite as bad. Continue reading

Sucky Week

Well, for it being a short week with a long holiday weekend it’s somehow turned into something utterly crap-tastic.  One of those weeks that you wish would end but somehow you aren’t optimistic that the next week will be any better.

I got screwed over by the property managers I hired to take care of the townhouse that Cat and I still own thousands of miles away.  They needed over three grand for mysterious repairs, denied sending me the necessary paperwork, declared it all an emergency, and now won’t even answer my emails.  After I sent the money, of course.  Money that I didn’t really have to spare.  I’m sure it’s just a crappy agent and not a scam, I’ve worked with them for over five years, but it’s got me tearing my hair out at the roots -and I didn’t have that much hair to begin with. Continue reading

Shelly’s Broken Heart

I’ve talked about Shelly a couple of times (Shelly’s Leaving).  She’s the worker that came in under me at my last firm, I took her under my wing and she became my replacement when I left.  I was attracted to her but the circumstances never worked out for us to be anything more than friends and coworkers.

She left the area about six months ago with her fiance to move closer to his home.  This was somewhat stressful for her because she didn’t know anyone in the area except for his family.  She was nervous about the move but I encouraged her, she was so talented and driven that she wouldn’t have a problem getting a job anywhere.  I was right, she applied a couple places and had a good paying job within weeks of moving to a totally new place.  Even with the poor economy, it didn’t surprise me that she was already successful.  It was a big step outside her comfort zone, but if that’s what her fiance wanted then she wanted to make him happy.  They’d been together for about two years, engaged for a while, and planning on getting married later this year.

I never really understood the whole engagement.  She’s this bright, driven, ambitious, beautiful young woman and he’s a lazy, underachieving, overweight, heavy-drinking, good-time kind of guy.  Now, I can understand why she would date him, he was a fun, funny guy that was always a good time to be around.  She’s a little more introverted, a little more straight laced, so I can see why he would be a fun guy for her to date.  However, anything more than a fun time seemed extremely unlikely to work out in the long run. Continue reading