Follow up email


Okay, I couldn’t help myself.  That shouldn’t surprise all of you.  I replied to the weird email that I talked about in the previous post.  The message was just too off the wall, I needed to know more.  Turns out the story gets even stranger.

In the first email, dude basically offers me the use of his nympho sub for the summer.  Yeah.   There was nothing about the message that interested me at all, rather the attitude the dude had was really bothersome, which is what the last post was about.

But I couldn’t just leave it there,  I wrote back a quick, two line message.  Basically a “tell me more”.  I didn’t really want to engage with him but I was curious about him and the situation.  Call me an amateur sociologist.

We’re going with Bob and Sierra for names, for now.  According to him, long term “FWB” with a big kinky streak.

This was his response (edited for anonymity):

“Sierra is my sub, she calls me her Master.  She’s early 40’s, (irrelevant details).  I’m early 50’s, (irrelevant details).  She’s into all kinds of kink, especially playing with multiple guys.  We’re DDF and tested often.  We are hoping to share her while you’re in the area as long as you’re discrete and can host.  You sounded like someone who would appreciate the opportunity.”

Alright, on the surface there are some oddities but there were a couple details that really stood out.  Specifically, they’re both decades older than me, have been playing together for four years… but can’t host and emphasize being discrete…

What the fuck?  This screams “we’re two adults cheating on our significant others and looking for somewhere to hook up”.  Probably tired of making out in cars or paying for hotel rooms.  But this dude acts like he’s trying to do me a favor?

For those of you who don’t know me so well… I’m an extraordinarily private person.  I’m a hermit in training and don’t waste my time on most people.  Sure, Bob doesn’t know that… but what kind of unreasonable douchebag is he?  Not only treating Sierra like shit, he’s probably cheating on a wife or long time partner, and he’s willing to offer his mistress’ orifices to a stranger just to have a place to fuck her.

My response (edited for anonymity):

“Bob, I appreciate your offer but felt that I should outline my own positions before we go any further.  I don’t play with couples or groups unless I’m very comfortable with them beforehand, and I’m certainly not interested in being anyone’s third wheel.  If (Sierra) wants to meet with me, see if we get along, that would be a good first step.  If Sierra and I click maybe down the line I’d be open to adding others.  But it would only be in stages and accommodating all of our comfort levels.

“Second, your concern for ‘discrete’ partners and inability to host implies to me that you’re both involved with others and this is some side situation, which I’m not okay with.  If that isn’t the case, please set me straight.”

Yeah, I was more polite than I needed to be, but I’m a polite kind of guy and I was still curious what info I could get from him.

His reply was unsurprising:

“Yes, we are, as you put it, ‘involved’ with other people but we’ve been together for (years) and have never had any drama.  Sierra only plays with me, so if you’re suggesting time with just her than there is nothing else to really discuss.  Good luck with your search.”

Yeah, that put pretty much all my questions to rest.

There are so many douche bags out there.  I’m quite sincere when I tell people that I’m glad I’m not a woman in the dating scene these days, I couldn’t stand it.

Worrisome Flags


Those of you who’ve been reading for a while know I’m a very sex positive, open minded, equality promoting kind of guy.  That might seem contradictory to some of the BDSM behaviors I’ve picked up over the years but it’s not, and that’s something that took me some time to learn and be comfortable with.  My goal has always been to give my partner a good time, bondage, dominance, and everything else are just tools in my tool box for giving her what she wants.  I get out of it what she gets out of it.  It’s never been about me or my desires, it’s about what I can do for her.  Makes sense?

Now, I know that my perspective is not universal to BDSM, nor is it exclusive.  There’s a very wide range of types of people and situations in the BDSM community, most of which are perfectly healthy but others that are a bit too extreme for me.  As long as it’s consensual (emphasis on consensual), than I try not to judge.  To each their own.  But sometimes I see situations that look far from healthy.  That’s one of the reasons I encourage women who are interested in the BDSM scene to find an experienced woman with similar interests to show her the ropes, help keep her safe.  There are definitely some people (guys mostly) that get into the BDSM scene to “validate” abusive relationships and interests, they aren’t “abusive” they’re “kinky”… but abuse is abuse and should be pursued legally no matter where it shows up.

Okay, so you’ve got a very thorough explanation of where I fall on the kink spectrum.  I’m exactly as kinky as my partner and only go as far as she enjoys.  Her having a good time is what’s arousing to me.  She is always the priority, even if she’s tied up and getting spanked (because that’s what she wants, not what I want).

You also know that I’ve been dipping into the Craigslist world to see if I can find a playmate for the months leading up to my move later this year.

Well, last week I got this email response to one of my posts (lightly edited to protect anonymity):

Hello! We are a FWB couple that have been together for XXXX years.  She is a nasty Asian mixed cum slut that is into being dominated and bondage. Both DDF, disease free.  I would like to share her with you for the remaining time you are here.

Our email address is: XXXX

Bob and Sierra

 

Yeah, hopefully you anticipate some of the issues I have with that message, because there’s nothing in here that sounds good to me.

First, you don’t call someone that you’ve been together with for XXXX years a nasty cum slut.  Now, I know there are plenty of people who get off on being called things like that.  I don’t have a problem with these kind of put downs if they’re part of consensual fun between two adults… But that’s something unique to their relationship, not with strangers on the internet.

Let me put it like this, if my partner wanted to be called a “c$m guzzling, sl*tty bitch” I could call her that behind closed doors, just like tying her up or spanking her, because that’s what gets her going.  HOWEVER, and this is a big HOWEVER, I would never call her that to someone else, especially a stranger.  Respecting her wishes, giving her what she wants, not a problem… but showing her disrespect in public is NOT cool (unless it’s somehow explicitly tied into our game, like at a “munch” or something where people understand the dynamic).  Already, the disrespect the writer is showing his “partner” is a total turn off.

Second, he’s writing, not her.  My whole philosophy is female-centric, giving her what she wants is what gets me going.  That she isn’t writing already makes this whole thing borderline already.  Why is he writing instead of her?  Maybe she’s not into this side of their relationship, maybe she doesn’t have a choice, maybe she’s not being given much choice?  Or maybe this is part of their dynamic, more owner-object than partnership.  But still, none of that appeals to me either.

Third, as if the first two weren’t enough (they were), the line “I would like to share her with you…”.  Further emphasizing that this is about him, not her.  He would like to share her… like she were a pair of lucky socks or some tupperware containers.  That attitude disgusts me.

Now, before I go any further, I’m not judging people that are into those kinds of behaviors.  Different kink for different folks.  I’m just talking about this specific email and the things I see in it that bother me.

If she were emailing me about how she wants to get used in the bedroom, that would be one thing.  Or if both of them were messaging me, that would be something else.  Or if he’d started out respectfully and we had some dialogue before he got explicit.  But him putting her down, emailing to offer her?  That’s different.

Pretty much everything I see in this email is flag toward an unhealthy BDSM relationship.  Well, actually they aren’t even in a relationship, he says they’re just FWB.  And, as a FWB, he’s comfortable offering to share her with strangers online, all while showing complete disregard for her.  Her only worth to him is as an object to use… and share, apparently.  And that I’m not cool with.  At all.

Dipping in my… toes


Ever since I got back from my trip I’ve been ridiculously horny.  As such, I’ve found myself drifting more and more toward my old hunting grounds, the place where the darkest shadows meet, the seediest of players gather, the place that always makes me feel like I need to take an antiseptic shower…  Craig’s List.

I’m only half kidding.  Yes, CL has been a favorite of mine for a long time but it’s not (always) as bad as I make it sound.  At least not for guys.  Usually.  Sure, like an old hotel room, you might not want to go poking around with a UV light, but at least it’s cheap and easy. Continue reading

Black Friday


Okay, I’m still on break but some stories just need to be written down (I’m still grumpy but getting laid helps).

**

I hate consumerism, I hate shopping, I hate big crowds of people, so Black Friday is the worst day of the year for me.  Most years I make an effort to not even step outside that day; it’s like a tornado, I just hide in my apartment and wait for it to pass.  However, the crazy store hours came in awfully handy this week.

Since Stephanie I’d done zero playing, dating, looking.  Nothing.  For months.  I’m still not up for anything serious mentally or physically, and I’m still moving sometime next year, but the last couple weeks I’ve been running a lot more to get ready for a race… and running really pumps up the libido.  While I might not be up for dating, I was definitely up for some f***ing. Continue reading

Australia: The worst day


The Australia trip wasn’t all roses and sunshine, or ropes and sex.  What should have been the absolute best morning of the trip, after the threesome, was actually the worst.

We’d had two bottles of wine which might have been why I tossed and turned all night.  When I don’t sleep my brain doesn’t do well.  By the time Vivian’s alarm clock went off I was already feeling rough mentally.  I just wanted to be spend all day in bed, preferably asleep on a pair of beautiful boobs.  Too bad Vivian had to work.

Then I got on my phone and the morning went from bad to worse. Continue reading

Australia: The fetish club pt 3


Fetish club pt 1

Fetish club pt 2

We made the rounds at the fetish club, saying good night everyone that Vivian and F knew. There were even a few people I recognized as we were leaving.  There was a couple that I’d met a little earlier at D’s house and C was tying a woman on stage.  A few days earlier she’d let me watch as Sharn tied her.  I waved as we were walking out but C didn’t seem to recognize me without my clothes on.

I could tell Vivian was worn out, she’d been going non-stop all day and it was past midnight.   Mentally, I made a note, when we get home she needs a break before we fall asleep.

As we were walking out of the club I did a cartoon style double-take.  A pretty woman in a sexy Santa outfit was under one of the suspension points on the main floor of the club.  She lifted her skirt, revealing a rope harness, then suspended herself from the point.  In a neat acrobatic feat she flipped upside down and started tying her own legs.  It was impressive. Continue reading