When it rains… pt 2


(You can read part one here.  Quick summary: I slept with my best friend, Stephanie, while she was visiting, might have messed up that relationship.)

After I broke up with Stephanie last year I realized I wasn’t in a place for relationships.  Mentally, emotionally… with the impending move and everything, I just couldn’t do it.

But I didn’t want to be celibate either.

Enter Jane. Continue reading

When it rains… pt 1


So, I’m not entirely sure how it happened but in a few short weeks my life went from simple, easy, and predictable to something very different.

I’m really tempted at this point to copy and paste some of the text conversations to illustrate what’s going on… but I’m not sure anyone would believe me.  Without understanding the backstory and the ladies involved, I wouldn’t believe it either.

Let’s rewind a few weeks and lay it all out in order. Continue reading

Conversations to avoid with your FWB


Just in case you were wondering, yesterday’s post was an April Fools joke.  Though apparently “I’m voting for he-who-shall-not-be-named” was a popular one yesterday, and you all know me too well, because I didn’t get any freaked out responses.

I mean, c’mon, I won’t even name the guy here because he doesn’t need any more free publicity.  He’s either he-who-shall-not-be-named or maybe-anti-christ, which is a little ironic because so much of the Republican base is composed of fundamentalists.

The only reason I bring this up, other than to point out yesterday’s joke, is to talk about conversations you should avoid with your FWB.  Or, in my case, ex-FWB.

Jane and I have maintained the friendship part of our FWB arrangement even though we stopped having the benefits.

What’s kind of amusing though, is how little we know sometimes about the people we have casual relationships with.  I mean, I thought I knew her pretty well, but when the conversation turned to politics last week I was in for a surprise.

He-who-shall-not-be-named was in the headlines for some of his usual ridiculousness.  I made a joke at his expense.

Her response?  “Yeah, but he’s still better than the other options.”

I did the whole comical double take, mouth hanging open.  Whaaaaaa?  Are you kidding me?

To clarify a little bit on why I was shocked; Jane is a minority, she’s young, she’s educated, she’s very open minded in certain areas.  In my mind, none of those things are associated with you know who’s supporters.  However, she’s also religious.  Now, I’d never really thought about her faith in any serious terms because, well, we were very kinky FWBs for a while, she’s divorced, and she doesn’t really talk about her Church.  But apparently, it plays a much larger role than I suspected.

The conversation went on for a while and her argument boiled down to “Well, who else is there?”  And, to a small degree, I can empathize with her situation.  I mean, I have a hard time imagining ever being a Republican, but if I was I’d be pretty f***ing disappointed with the current options too.

Cruz is a a sniveling little, back stabbing, lying, greasy wannabe who’ll do and say whatever it takes to get ahead, no matter how despicable.  If you google “most hated man in washington” the first page is all articles about Cruz.  And that’s what his contemporaries have to say about him.  You think he’s going to be able to convince all those same people to vote for anything he proposes if, god forbid, he becomes the leader of the free world?  How is he going to get anything done?  And even if he does, he’s so fundamentalist his ideas are terrifying.

Kasich seems like a mostly reasonable dude but nobody thinks he’s got a chance in hell.  Bush or Rubio would have been half decent candidates, for Republicans anyway, but they were shot down fast.

So, who does that leave?  I mean, the Republicans are truly screwed this election cycle.  There are no good options and even the “least worst” are terrible.  The pundits wonder how maybe-anti-christ can shake off the massive blunders that would have killed any other campaign but the reason is simple, who else have they got?

The conversation with Jane was actually quite interesting.  We agreed on most points, we’re just different parties.  That might have bothered me if I thought he-who-shall-not-be-named had a chance in hell of winning.  Sure, he’s at the top of the polls in his races but that really doesn’t mean shit these days, especially considering a large percentage of his “base”, Republicans, are just as against him as the Democrats are.  What other candidate has a #NeverXXX that’s trending among his own party.

I’ve got some liberal friends that are terrified of the guy, but I just laugh.  He doesn’t have a chance in hell, and I’m not just talking about the polls that show he’ll lose no matter who the democratic candidate is (stats).  He’s too divisive, even for a Republican.

Look at it like this, pretend for a second that the US hasn’t been trending more liberal over the last decade and just look at the population breakdown (reference).  More than half the US adult population is women.  He has a 71% unfavorable opinion among women, so already he’s got a major handicap.  Sure, some will hold their nose and vote for him anyway but we’re not done yet.  40% of the US adult population is composed of minorities.  Who polls poorly among minorities?  You guessed it.  There are around 80 million millenials in the US, most of which lean liberal.  That’s where Sanders has been getting most of his votes.  They overwhelmingly poll in favor of the democrats.  Who does that leave?  Middle aged, white, male, lower middle class, republicans.  That’s a tiny, tiny slice of the cross section of the US population.

The bottom line is that He-who-shall-not-be-named is part of a party with a base that’s already dwindling and he’s gone so far to alienate those that remain he’s just shooting himself in the foot.  His slice of the American pie shrinks every time he opens his mouth.  He’s a joke and doesn’t seem to be aware of it yet.

That said, now I know not to bring up politics or religion with future FWBs.  It’s a good thing me and Jane aren’t fooling around anymore, I don’t think I could bring myself to sleep with someone who’s on the wrong side of my politics.  Actually, I could but I’d probably be conflicted about it afterwards.  Maybe.

The cost of sex


When my last FWB, Jane, broke things off so she could do some “real” dating, I was happy for her but torn for myself.  I’m only going to be in my current location for about six months before moving a few thousand miles for work.  I’d already decided that dating was off the table, it would have just complicated things, but I didn’t want to be entirely celibate either.  So, should I get  back into the search for a new FWB or just lay off until after the move?

I was lucky with Jane, despite how short the fling was.  She was exactly what I was looking for, someone who knew what they wanted, were comfortable with the conditions, and was a ton of fun.

Knowing I was unlikely to get that lucky again, I decided to just wait until after the move.  It sucks but seemed like the best option for the time being.

Well, it’s gone surprisingly well so far.

Last night I was bopping around the apartment, getting some spring cleaning done with a spring in my step, whistling a tune and thinking that life was pretty good.  Looking back, I’ve gotten more positive improvement done in my life in the last two weeks than in the last six months.  Seriously.  I got myself enrolled in classes for my Masters, my apartment has never been cleaner, and I’ve even picked up the slack in my workout routine.

I’ve lost ten pounds in two weeks.  No shit.  And I feel great.  I’m less stressed, I’m happier, it’s like going on anti-depressants without the side effects.

All this got me thinking, was dating holding me back all these years?  Was the time, effort and money put into getting sex and looking for relationships actually detrimental to my quality of life?

The answer wasn’t obvious so I decided to meditate on it.  Here’s what I’ve come up with:

Dating is a lot like going to the mall every day with a particular purchase in mind, but it’s never in stock.  Some days you see something that looks promising but it turns out to be the opposite but most days there isn’t even anything close.  It’s frustrating, it’s depressing, and generally going to the mall that day wasn’t worth the time or effort.  It’s like having a goal that is constantly frustrated and isn’t really achievable.

In other words:  Fuck yes, dating was detrimental to my life.

Why should I get back into that turgid pool after the move?  Why risk all the positives that I’ve gained?  Why bother when I’m happier without it?

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That’s when I decided I needed to write this post.  But not just that, I wanted to do some research to see if I could back up my opinions with facts.  I know I’m not the only one that’s decided he’s better off without dating.

Well, it’s surprisingly difficult to find studies on how many people stop dating and it’s affects on their mental health.  Most of the results were click bait titles like “Stop dating men in their 30’s who pop their collar” or other bullshit like that.

But I also found a few articles like this one:  http://elitedaily.com/dating/im-guy-stopped-dating-found-next-best-thing/954714/

The search also led me to a large online group of men who’ve also decided to give up dating.  While it didn’t have much in the way of statistics it had a lot of opinion pieces from guys who’ve come to the same conclusion as I have.  It’s called Men Going Their Own Way.  While some of their articles are a little weird, there were also some that I found quite interesting.  It’s always good to get a variety of opinions.

And that’s when I had something of a Eureka moment.  Over and over in the articles I was seeing the same things, the same stories, the same frustrations.  Men are truly f***ed in modern American society.  No wonder so many of them just decide to stop playing the game.

It’s not just dating, it’s society that puts a ridiculous amount of pressure on men to be successful, to fill certain roles, to shoulder the burdens of the world while being constantly harassed about not doing enough.  And we’re constantly told that we’re not good enough.

How is that fair?  It’s not.

Things have got to change and fast.

And you know who is the only presidential candidate standing up for men’s rights?  Who understands the difficulties and doesn’t put up with all the political-correctness bullshit?  Who isn’t afraid to point out when a woman is being a B****?

You guessed it.

Make America Great Again.

Could have been bad


So, I got a call from Cat the other day that was quite unexpected and could have gone very badly if our divorced relationship weren’t as good.

Before I get to what was said, I’d like to talk a little bit about her current husband.  I’ve been calling him Captain Awesome (CA), entirely unironically, for a while in my draft posts but for various reasons they weren’t posted.  He’s seriously an awesome dude and anyone who’s watched Chuck will get the reference. The kind of guy who’s so perfect you  want to hate him but is such a good dude you just can’t.  CA is tall, pretty in a way that sends women of all ages into a tizzy (seriously), successful, smart, has a bad ass job that more than compensates for his prettiness, and is exceptionally good with the kids.  Not only all that but he’s gone above and beyond when it comes to making sure I’m involved with the family, as well as being cool with me and Cat’s strange-but-friendly divorce.  I couldn’t have asked for a better dude to get added to the family and help watch over my kid.

Okay, on to the story.

Cat doesn’t typically call me, she’s far more of a texter or she’ll send a facebook update, so when I saw her name on the caller ID I was a little concerned.  What she said surprised me though.

“Sooooo, CA was just on the computer.  He noticed that your profile pic on Skype is not something kid friendly.  Do you know what it is?”

Ummm… okay.  I only use skype to talk to our daughter and to my mother, neither of which happens as often as it should, but the last time I’d been on the profile pic was an astronaut penguin or something ridiculous like that.  It was one of their default options.

But when I logged into my account I didn’t see a penguin, I saw a large cock that had just cum all over the hand holding it.  Yeah… not my style.  Not the kind of thing I’d have put for ANY profile pic, let alone one used to communicate with family.  And… it wasn’t my cock.  I was hacked.  Why, who knows?  At least there wasn’t anything too bad they could have gotten.

Thankfully, whoever hacked my account didn’t bother to change the password.  I was able to get in, change the photo and get a new password.

I told Cat, “Yeah, I didn’t put that up.”

She said that’s what she’d thought.  Apparently, when CA had shown her the image she’d laughed and remarked that it wasn’t mine.  As in, she looked at the photo on my profile and said that it wasn’t my cock.  We were married for ten years.

We both laughed at that.

Just take a second to wallow in the ridiculousness of the situation.  My ex-wife’s current husband found a cock shot for my profile pic and shows her, she laughs and tells him it’s not mine, then calls me so I can change it.  We’re not only cool with that, it’s quite humorous.

This is one of the reasons why I’m extremely appreciative of the relationship that Cat and I and Captain Awesome have.  What could have been an extremely awkward, uncomfortable, angry situation wasn’t any of those things.  It was like a very strange adult joke that we were all in on.

I just hope my mom didn’t see it, that conversation would be far less amusing.

Domesticity


I had a dream last night that got me thinking and a little nostalgic this morning.  Not in some “the old days were so great” kind of way, but there are things I used to have that I do miss.

In the dream I was staying at a very isolated, backwoods motel in the middle of the woods.  It was an old place that looked like it hadn’t been updated in forever with an attached restaurant.  At first I was investigating some weirdness in the area but “fell” for one of the young women working at the place (it was family run, she was probably in her early 20’s), she was one of those people who you’re just instantly comfortable with and the dream shifted to focus on her.  She was sexy but the dream wasn’t sexual, if that makes sense.  We spent a lot of time in the restaurant and in the dining area, talking, walking together, touching.

I could go into more detail, the rest of the dream was pretty strange and might make a good story someday, but when I woke up it was the comfort level with the woman that I really stuck with me. Continue reading

It’s that time of year again…


The less than great news today is that both of my new CL friends flaked out.  It happens, though usually I’m pretty good at picking out which ones will and which ones won’t.  Not a particularly big deal either way, a massive dose of quality time and online porn has calmed my libido down since I got back.  I’ve returned to normal, my merely average level of horniness.  Which is probably better in the long run since I make questionable decisions otherwise.

And like every cloud, this one has a silver lining…  Once again, I can willfully ignore the worst holiday of the year.

Valentines Day.

It’s like my nemesis.  It might only come around once a year but it pretty much ruins the entire month.  It’s a lose-lose, if you’re in a relationship you have to do the whole buy-her-love dance, and if you’re single than you have to deal with being bombarded with images of “love” and happy couples for weeks and weeks.  The whole mass media industry suddenly goes fucking crazy for couples and “showing” (buying) our overwhelming love for our lifetime match.

I have to stop here or I’m going to get even more angry than usual.  It’s best for me to just avoid the whole topic.

And this year I can safely do that without it affecting my sex life.  Thank the gods.

So, for the rest of you enjoying the safety of spending Valentine’s Day alone, have a good one.  Don’t forget to stock up on the wine.

(Notice I didn’t mention the Super Bowl?  Yeah, I’m not really a fan of football either.  What can I say, February is pretty much a crap month all around.)

Dipping in my… toes


Ever since I got back from my trip I’ve been ridiculously horny.  As such, I’ve found myself drifting more and more toward my old hunting grounds, the place where the darkest shadows meet, the seediest of players gather, the place that always makes me feel like I need to take an antiseptic shower…  Craig’s List.

I’m only half kidding.  Yes, CL has been a favorite of mine for a long time but it’s not (always) as bad as I make it sound.  At least not for guys.  Usually.  Sure, like an old hotel room, you might not want to go poking around with a UV light, but at least it’s cheap and easy. Continue reading

Home again, home again


Almost as soon as I heard about the craziness back home (mentioned in the previous post, Off to a bad start) I was looking for plane tickets.  Thankfully, work has been light so far this year and getting two weeks off after the holidays wasn’t such a hard sell to my bosses.

I haven’t written much about Jane, my recent FWB, I’ll have to catch up on that later, but we’d been seeing each other since Thanksgiving (which was only about a month, in hindsight).  A few days before the trip I got a text that would normally send a chill down my spine, “We need to talk.”   Continue reading

In a Rant of a Mood


As usual, the news today pissed me off.  Specifically, the Kentucky County Clerk.  First, she refused to issue marriage licenses to same sex couples because it went against her religious beliefs.  This got her in trouble because that’s illegal since the Supreme Court ruling, and the court ordered her to start issuing them.  Now, rather than doing her job, she decided to not issue any at all to try and avoid the ruling.

Really?  Are we back in Kindergarten?  That’s like the little kid that pouts when you tell her she can’t just eat the chicken nuggets, she has to eat her vegetables too.  So, she gets pissy and refuses to eat anything.

The Clerk and her friends are arguing that they are exercising their first amendment rights.

That’s bullshit. Continue reading