Conversations to avoid with your FWB


Just in case you were wondering, yesterday’s post was an April Fools joke.  Though apparently “I’m voting for he-who-shall-not-be-named” was a popular one yesterday, and you all know me too well, because I didn’t get any freaked out responses.

I mean, c’mon, I won’t even name the guy here because he doesn’t need any more free publicity.  He’s either he-who-shall-not-be-named or maybe-anti-christ, which is a little ironic because so much of the Republican base is composed of fundamentalists.

The only reason I bring this up, other than to point out yesterday’s joke, is to talk about conversations you should avoid with your FWB.  Or, in my case, ex-FWB.

Jane and I have maintained the friendship part of our FWB arrangement even though we stopped having the benefits.

What’s kind of amusing though, is how little we know sometimes about the people we have casual relationships with.  I mean, I thought I knew her pretty well, but when the conversation turned to politics last week I was in for a surprise.

He-who-shall-not-be-named was in the headlines for some of his usual ridiculousness.  I made a joke at his expense.

Her response?  “Yeah, but he’s still better than the other options.”

I did the whole comical double take, mouth hanging open.  Whaaaaaa?  Are you kidding me?

To clarify a little bit on why I was shocked; Jane is a minority, she’s young, she’s educated, she’s very open minded in certain areas.  In my mind, none of those things are associated with you know who’s supporters.  However, she’s also religious.  Now, I’d never really thought about her faith in any serious terms because, well, we were very kinky FWBs for a while, she’s divorced, and she doesn’t really talk about her Church.  But apparently, it plays a much larger role than I suspected.

The conversation went on for a while and her argument boiled down to “Well, who else is there?”  And, to a small degree, I can empathize with her situation.  I mean, I have a hard time imagining ever being a Republican, but if I was I’d be pretty f***ing disappointed with the current options too.

Cruz is a a sniveling little, back stabbing, lying, greasy wannabe who’ll do and say whatever it takes to get ahead, no matter how despicable.  If you google “most hated man in washington” the first page is all articles about Cruz.  And that’s what his contemporaries have to say about him.  You think he’s going to be able to convince all those same people to vote for anything he proposes if, god forbid, he becomes the leader of the free world?  How is he going to get anything done?  And even if he does, he’s so fundamentalist his ideas are terrifying.

Kasich seems like a mostly reasonable dude but nobody thinks he’s got a chance in hell.  Bush or Rubio would have been half decent candidates, for Republicans anyway, but they were shot down fast.

So, who does that leave?  I mean, the Republicans are truly screwed this election cycle.  There are no good options and even the “least worst” are terrible.  The pundits wonder how maybe-anti-christ can shake off the massive blunders that would have killed any other campaign but the reason is simple, who else have they got?

The conversation with Jane was actually quite interesting.  We agreed on most points, we’re just different parties.  That might have bothered me if I thought he-who-shall-not-be-named had a chance in hell of winning.  Sure, he’s at the top of the polls in his races but that really doesn’t mean shit these days, especially considering a large percentage of his “base”, Republicans, are just as against him as the Democrats are.  What other candidate has a #NeverXXX that’s trending among his own party.

I’ve got some liberal friends that are terrified of the guy, but I just laugh.  He doesn’t have a chance in hell, and I’m not just talking about the polls that show he’ll lose no matter who the democratic candidate is (stats).  He’s too divisive, even for a Republican.

Look at it like this, pretend for a second that the US hasn’t been trending more liberal over the last decade and just look at the population breakdown (reference).  More than half the US adult population is women.  He has a 71% unfavorable opinion among women, so already he’s got a major handicap.  Sure, some will hold their nose and vote for him anyway but we’re not done yet.  40% of the US adult population is composed of minorities.  Who polls poorly among minorities?  You guessed it.  There are around 80 million millenials in the US, most of which lean liberal.  That’s where Sanders has been getting most of his votes.  They overwhelmingly poll in favor of the democrats.  Who does that leave?  Middle aged, white, male, lower middle class, republicans.  That’s a tiny, tiny slice of the cross section of the US population.

The bottom line is that He-who-shall-not-be-named is part of a party with a base that’s already dwindling and he’s gone so far to alienate those that remain he’s just shooting himself in the foot.  His slice of the American pie shrinks every time he opens his mouth.  He’s a joke and doesn’t seem to be aware of it yet.

That said, now I know not to bring up politics or religion with future FWBs.  It’s a good thing me and Jane aren’t fooling around anymore, I don’t think I could bring myself to sleep with someone who’s on the wrong side of my politics.  Actually, I could but I’d probably be conflicted about it afterwards.  Maybe.

The cost of sex


When my last FWB, Jane, broke things off so she could do some “real” dating, I was happy for her but torn for myself.  I’m only going to be in my current location for about six months before moving a few thousand miles for work.  I’d already decided that dating was off the table, it would have just complicated things, but I didn’t want to be entirely celibate either.  So, should I get  back into the search for a new FWB or just lay off until after the move?

I was lucky with Jane, despite how short the fling was.  She was exactly what I was looking for, someone who knew what they wanted, were comfortable with the conditions, and was a ton of fun.

Knowing I was unlikely to get that lucky again, I decided to just wait until after the move.  It sucks but seemed like the best option for the time being.

Well, it’s gone surprisingly well so far.

Last night I was bopping around the apartment, getting some spring cleaning done with a spring in my step, whistling a tune and thinking that life was pretty good.  Looking back, I’ve gotten more positive improvement done in my life in the last two weeks than in the last six months.  Seriously.  I got myself enrolled in classes for my Masters, my apartment has never been cleaner, and I’ve even picked up the slack in my workout routine.

I’ve lost ten pounds in two weeks.  No shit.  And I feel great.  I’m less stressed, I’m happier, it’s like going on anti-depressants without the side effects.

All this got me thinking, was dating holding me back all these years?  Was the time, effort and money put into getting sex and looking for relationships actually detrimental to my quality of life?

The answer wasn’t obvious so I decided to meditate on it.  Here’s what I’ve come up with:

Dating is a lot like going to the mall every day with a particular purchase in mind, but it’s never in stock.  Some days you see something that looks promising but it turns out to be the opposite but most days there isn’t even anything close.  It’s frustrating, it’s depressing, and generally going to the mall that day wasn’t worth the time or effort.  It’s like having a goal that is constantly frustrated and isn’t really achievable.

In other words:  Fuck yes, dating was detrimental to my life.

Why should I get back into that turgid pool after the move?  Why risk all the positives that I’ve gained?  Why bother when I’m happier without it?

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That’s when I decided I needed to write this post.  But not just that, I wanted to do some research to see if I could back up my opinions with facts.  I know I’m not the only one that’s decided he’s better off without dating.

Well, it’s surprisingly difficult to find studies on how many people stop dating and it’s affects on their mental health.  Most of the results were click bait titles like “Stop dating men in their 30’s who pop their collar” or other bullshit like that.

But I also found a few articles like this one:  http://elitedaily.com/dating/im-guy-stopped-dating-found-next-best-thing/954714/

The search also led me to a large online group of men who’ve also decided to give up dating.  While it didn’t have much in the way of statistics it had a lot of opinion pieces from guys who’ve come to the same conclusion as I have.  It’s called Men Going Their Own Way.  While some of their articles are a little weird, there were also some that I found quite interesting.  It’s always good to get a variety of opinions.

And that’s when I had something of a Eureka moment.  Over and over in the articles I was seeing the same things, the same stories, the same frustrations.  Men are truly f***ed in modern American society.  No wonder so many of them just decide to stop playing the game.

It’s not just dating, it’s society that puts a ridiculous amount of pressure on men to be successful, to fill certain roles, to shoulder the burdens of the world while being constantly harassed about not doing enough.  And we’re constantly told that we’re not good enough.

How is that fair?  It’s not.

Things have got to change and fast.

And you know who is the only presidential candidate standing up for men’s rights?  Who understands the difficulties and doesn’t put up with all the political-correctness bullshit?  Who isn’t afraid to point out when a woman is being a B****?

You guessed it.

Make America Great Again.

Fantasies


Yeah, I’m going to talk about masturbation and fantasies for a minute. If that’s not our cup of tea you can go back to watching The View, or whatever it was you were doing before.

Alright, so this morning I was having some “me” time. This was not out of the ordinary, even when I’m getting some I still find myself needing quality time… with myself. Anyway, as I was perusing my well loved memories for inspiration I went through the usuals and just wasn’t feeling them. I stretched back further, going over past escapades until I found one that appealed to me. Bada bing, bada boom, I’m sure you don’t need details. Continue reading

TEOTWAWKI


I read an article today that was interesting, it was about how over sensitized some people have become, especially in colleges.  Teachers have been fired, Universities embarrassed, and many are still struggling over how to handle it.  Essentially, anything can be seen as offensive or uncomfortable to somebody.  What’s fine for one student/reader/etc. will be bothersome to another.  They’ve talked about making important writings and courses optional because someone might be bothered by it.

There are plenty of examples in the article:

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2015/09/the-coddling-of-the-american-mind/399356/

Now, while that seems a little scary and strange, I realized it tied into one of my other theories about how the internet will lead to TEOTWAWKI (The End Of The World As We Know It, for non-survivalist reality tv show types.  C’mon, I know you laugh at Doomsday Preppers).  I joke about social media and smartphones being signs of the Apocalypse but this is a bit more serious. Continue reading

Drunk and a little confused


I’m somewhat intoxicated but I’ll try to keep my handwriting legible.  We’ll see how that goes.

It has come to my attention recently that I have made a glaring error in my blogging, leading some readers to be confused as to who I am.  Now, I’m normally a very private person and refuse to share many details about my life, but this air of mystery has left one big question unanswered.

Am I a skinhead?

White power skinheads are members of a white supremacist and antisemitic offshoot of the skinhead subculture.[1][2][3][4] Many of them are affiliated with white nationalist organizations. (Wikipedia)

Continue reading

In a Rant of a Mood


As usual, the news today pissed me off.  Specifically, the Kentucky County Clerk.  First, she refused to issue marriage licenses to same sex couples because it went against her religious beliefs.  This got her in trouble because that’s illegal since the Supreme Court ruling, and the court ordered her to start issuing them.  Now, rather than doing her job, she decided to not issue any at all to try and avoid the ruling.

Really?  Are we back in Kindergarten?  That’s like the little kid that pouts when you tell her she can’t just eat the chicken nuggets, she has to eat her vegetables too.  So, she gets pissy and refuses to eat anything.

The Clerk and her friends are arguing that they are exercising their first amendment rights.

That’s bullshit. Continue reading

Fame and Anonymity


Anyone who’s read for a while knows how little I like social media.  As much benefit as they might have (Arab spring), they are just as often used by not-so-nice people to recruit others to their cause (every -ist you can think of).  Those are extreme examples, the outliers if you will, but the everyday stuff is often just as poisonous.  Social media is like the land of narcissism, promoting those that are ridiculous or ridiculously attractive, encouraging everyone to shout louder and louder to gain attention.

That shit scares me.  I can’t imagine being a kid growing up in all this immediate gratification, pleading for attention, and daily bombardment of bullshit.  I’ll just give you one example before getting off that particular soap box.  Just pretend for a moment you’re a fourteen year old girl on social media, the more revealing the outfit, the more risque, the more attention they’re going to get.  Good and bad.  Lovers and haters and bullies and trolls and friends and men with less than pure intentions.  And how well are teenagers equipped to deal with that?  They’re already wired to have less self control, raging hormones, and are more likely to have emotional swings.  But it’s “cool” to be on social media, right?  Hop on the bandwagon.

And everything on the internet lasts forever. Continue reading

Apologies and Forgiveness


I wasn’t going to comment on the Ashley Madison leak, I didn’t give two shits about it.  Married folks signing up for a website to cheat… not the most sympathetic victims.  If forced to provide a statement it would have looked something like this:

(Nelson from The Simpsons)

However, as a few of the more celebrity users have started providing responses to their leaked use of the website it brought up a couple thoughts.

As a society we have this fascination with tearing down successful, recognizable people.  The bigger they are the harder they fall… the harsher the criticism and laughter from the masses.  What makes a story even more juicy is when the person is famous for their values and beliefs, then it’s brought to light that their actions are completely contradictory to the image they try to portray.  Two of the big names are high profile Christians. Continue reading

A Dangerous Precedent?


It seems like every time I check my news feed I see half a dozen articles that piss me off.  I should really just stop reading the news, it always puts me in a bad mood.

Today I read a piece on the Huffington Post, “Why the Boy Scouts new policy on gays sets a dangerous precedent.”  Article.

Before I go into the wrongness of the article I’ll give you a little background on myself.  I was an active member in boy scouts for many years, during that time (fifteen years or so ago) were the first debates about homosexuals in scouting.  I came down firmly on the side of gay rights.  It was too early then, the changes were shot down.  Many boy scout troops are also sponsored by religious organizations, mainly Christian, something else I was not a fan of, but that was the driving force behind the ban on homosexuals in the organization.

However… I think the BSA (Boy Scouts of America) just made a step in the right direction and opinion pieces like the one in the Huffington Post are steps in the wrong direction. Continue reading

Conservative Hypocrisy


I read an article today that irked me.  This happens most days, which is why that cabin in the middle of nowhere seems more and more hospitable.

The article is an “idea” piece for the Time website: “Orthodox Christians Must Now Learn to Live As Exiles in Our Own Country“.  Essentially the piece is about how marriage and societal views have shifted away from the writer’s values, as though he and those like him are somehow now an impacted minority. Continue reading