Sorry Devon

About two weeks ago I got a very nice email from a reader through my Contact page:

Hi There,
I happened across your blog yesterday and have been reading voraciously
ever since….what can I say it’s been a slow couple of days ūüėČ I wanted to
compliment you on
1. the quality of your writing. I have been by turns, inclined toward
introspection, brought to tears, laughed uproariously, aroused to raunchy
musings, and impressed by your taste in music! Well played Sir, well played.
2. Your ability to bare your soul, and ask yourself the difficult questions.
3. Your genuine love and appreciation for women despite the difficult
situations you’ve been through.
So, that is all. I feel like some odd sort of groupie now, but wanted to
share my appreciation.
Best of luck with, erm life I suppose?

So, that gave me a big smile. ¬†I don’t write specifically for an audience, I write because I love to and need to, but it’s always, always nice to hear from someone who enjoyed reading. ¬†I’d also wondered why my stats had jumped so high for one day.

Unfortunately, the email got lost in my inbox until recently.

I replied… or I tried to.

Hey Devon,

Apologies for the slow reply.  Somehow I missed the contact email from
WordPress until I was cleaning out my inbox today.

First off, thanks for reading and then writing to me.  When I started the
blog it was just a confidante, I didn’t really see any benefit except for
having an outlet to vent my feelings.¬† But over time I’ve come to
appreciate the community of writers and readers out there.  It seems almost
silly in this day of 140 character tweets, but being able to write in-depth
posts is such an important aspect of reaching real connection with people.
There isn’t really a short cut to building that rapport.

That said, it’s a lot of work to keep up with a blog, so it’s always a
boost to hear from someone who’s enjoyed it.¬† That’s what keeps us going.
I’m so glad that you liked what you read, I’ll attempt to keep it up and
hopefully you’ll enjoy future posts as much.


PS: And don’t be a stranger.¬† There’s a lot of cool people and good writers
that hang out in this digital dive bar.  Grab a seat, join the
conversation.  You never know what might come of it.

For some reason my reply was returned as “Undeliverable”.

So, Devon, if you’re reading this I did try to reply and I do appreciate hearing from you. ¬†If you’re still around, hit me up again.

Follow up email

Okay, I couldn’t help myself. ¬†That shouldn’t surprise all of you. ¬†I replied to the weird email that I talked about in the previous post. ¬†The message was just too off the wall, I needed to know more. ¬†Turns out the story gets even stranger.

In the first email, dude basically offers me the use of his nympho sub for the summer.  Yeah.   There was nothing about the message that interested me at all, rather the attitude the dude had was really bothersome, which is what the last post was about.

But I couldn’t just leave it there, ¬†I wrote back a quick, two line message. ¬†Basically a “tell me more”. ¬†I didn’t really want to engage with him but I was curious about him and the situation. ¬†Call me an amateur sociologist.

We’re going with Bob and Sierra for names, for now. ¬†According to him, long term “FWB” with a big kinky streak.

This was his response (edited for anonymity):

“Sierra is my sub, she calls me her Master. ¬†She’s early 40’s, (irrelevant details). ¬†I’m early 50’s, (irrelevant details). ¬†She’s into all kinds of kink, especially playing with multiple guys. ¬†We’re DDF and tested often. ¬†We are hoping to share her while you’re in the area as long as you’re discrete and can host. ¬†You sounded like someone who would appreciate the opportunity.”

Alright, on the surface there are some oddities but there were a couple details that really stood out. ¬†Specifically, they’re both decades older than me, have been playing together for four years… but can’t host and emphasize being discrete…

What the fuck? ¬†This screams “we’re two adults cheating on our significant others and looking for somewhere to hook up”. ¬†Probably tired of making out in cars or paying for hotel rooms. ¬†But this dude acts like he’s trying to do me a favor?

For those of you who don’t know me so well… I’m an extraordinarily private person. ¬†I’m a hermit in training and don’t waste my time on most people. ¬†Sure, Bob doesn’t know that… but what kind of unreasonable douchebag is he? ¬†Not only treating Sierra like shit, he’s probably cheating on a wife or long time partner, and he’s willing to offer his mistress’ orifices to a stranger¬†just to have a place to fuck her.

My response (edited for anonymity):

“Bob, I appreciate your offer but felt that I should outline my own positions before we go any further. ¬†I don’t play with couples or groups unless I’m very comfortable with them beforehand, and I’m certainly not interested in being anyone’s third wheel. ¬†If (Sierra) wants to meet with me, see if we get along, that would be a good first step. ¬†If Sierra and I click maybe down the line I’d be open to adding others. ¬†But it would only be in stages and accommodating all of our comfort levels.

“Second, your concern for ‘discrete’ partners and inability to host implies to me that you’re both involved with others and this is some side situation, which I’m not okay with. ¬†If that isn’t the case, please set me straight.”

Yeah, I was more polite than I needed to be, but I’m a polite kind of guy and I was still curious what info I could get from him.

His reply was unsurprising:

“Yes, we are, as you put it, ‘involved’ with other people but we’ve been together for (years) and have never had any drama. ¬†Sierra only plays with me, so if you’re suggesting time with just her than there is nothing else to really discuss. ¬†Good luck with your search.”

Yeah, that put pretty much all my questions to rest.

There are so many douche bags out there. ¬†I’m quite sincere when I tell people that I’m glad I’m not a woman in the dating scene these days, I couldn’t stand it.

Worrisome Flags

Those of you who’ve been reading for a while know I’m a very sex positive, open minded, equality promoting kind of guy. ¬†That might seem contradictory to some of the BDSM behaviors I’ve picked up over the years but it’s not, and that’s something that took me some time to learn and be comfortable with. ¬†My goal has always been to give my partner a good time, bondage, dominance, and everything else are just tools in my tool box for giving her¬†what she wants. ¬†I get out of it what she gets out of it. ¬†It’s never been about me or my desires, it’s about what I can do for her. ¬†Makes sense?

Now, I know that my perspective is not universal to BDSM, nor is it exclusive. ¬†There’s a very wide range of types of people and situations in the BDSM community, most of which are perfectly healthy but others that are a bit too extreme for me. ¬†As long as it’s consensual (emphasis on consensual), than I try not to judge. ¬†To each their own. ¬†But sometimes I see situations that look far from healthy. ¬†That’s one of the reasons I encourage women who are interested in the BDSM scene to find an experienced woman with similar interests to show her the ropes, help keep her safe. ¬†There are definitely some people (guys mostly) that get into the BDSM scene to “validate” abusive relationships and interests, they aren’t “abusive” they’re “kinky”… but abuse is abuse and should be pursued legally no matter where it shows up.

Okay, so you’ve got a very thorough explanation of where I fall on the kink spectrum. ¬†I’m exactly as kinky as my partner and only go as far as she enjoys. ¬†Her having a good time is what’s arousing to me. ¬†She is always the priority, even if she’s tied up and getting spanked (because that’s what she wants, not what I want).

You also know that I’ve been dipping into the Craigslist world to see if I can find a playmate for the months leading up to my move later this year.

Well, last week I got this email response to one of my posts (lightly edited to protect anonymity):

Hello! We are a FWB couple that have been together for XXXX years.  She is a nasty Asian mixed cum slut that is into being dominated and bondage. Both DDF, disease free.  I would like to share her with you for the remaining time you are here.

Our email address is: XXXX

Bob and Sierra


Yeah, hopefully you anticipate some of the issues I have with that message, because there’s nothing in here that sounds good to me.

First, you don’t call someone that you’ve been together with for XXXX years a nasty cum slut. ¬†Now, I know there are plenty of people who get off on being called things like that. ¬†I don’t have a problem with these kind of put downs if they’re part of consensual fun between two adults… But that’s something unique to their relationship, not with strangers on the internet.

Let me put it like this, if my partner wanted to be called a “c$m guzzling, sl*tty bitch” I could call her that behind closed doors, just like tying her up or spanking her, because that’s what gets her going. ¬†HOWEVER, and this is a big HOWEVER, I would never call her that to someone else, especially a stranger. ¬†Respecting her wishes, giving her what she wants, not a problem… but showing her disrespect in public is NOT cool (unless it’s somehow explicitly tied into our game, like at a “munch” or something where people understand the dynamic). ¬†Already, the disrespect the writer is showing his “partner” is a total turn off.

Second, he’s writing,¬†not her. ¬†My whole philosophy is female-centric, giving her what she wants is what gets me going. ¬†That she¬†isn’t writing already makes this whole thing borderline already. ¬†Why is he writing instead of her? ¬†Maybe she’s not into this side of their relationship, maybe she doesn’t have a choice, maybe she’s not being given much choice? ¬†Or maybe this is part of their dynamic, more owner-object than partnership. ¬†But still, none of that appeals to me either.

Third, as if the first two weren’t enough (they were), the line “I would like to share her with you…”. ¬†Further emphasizing that this is about him, not her. ¬†He would like to share her… like she were a pair of lucky socks or some tupperware containers. ¬†That attitude disgusts me.

Now, before I go any further, I’m not judging people that are into those kinds of behaviors. ¬†Different kink for different folks. ¬†I’m just talking about this specific email and the things I see in it that bother me.

If she were emailing me about how she wants to get used in the bedroom, that would be one thing. ¬†Or if both of them were messaging me, that would be something else. ¬†Or if he’d started out respectfully and we had some dialogue before he got explicit. ¬†But him putting her down, emailing to offer her? ¬†That’s different.

Pretty much everything I see in this email is flag toward an unhealthy BDSM relationship. ¬†Well, actually they aren’t even in¬†a relationship, he says they’re just FWB. ¬†And, as a FWB, he’s comfortable offering to share her with strangers online, all while showing complete disregard for her. ¬†Her only worth to him is as an object to use… and share, apparently. ¬†And that I’m not cool with. ¬†At all.

Hot Lunch

I know it’s a bit of a click-bait title but I couldn’t help it. ¬†(And, sorry Sassygirl40, no smut yet. ¬†Just haven’t been feeling it recently.)

It’s been a while since I’ve written anything here. ¬†I’ve been busy adulting. ¬†I’m getting ready for the impending move and taking care of a bunch of things. ¬†Even got my taxes done before the deadline, pretty good for someone like me who always puts everything off to the last minute.

Anyway, as today represents the end of a very long and mostly productive week I took myself out to lunch at Subway. ¬†Big spender, I know. ¬†But one of the things that I love about the Subway near where I work is that it’s always staffed by hot women. ¬†Shallow, probably, but it makes the whole experience a little nicer.

Today, there was an absolutely gorgeous redhead serving me, totally my type.  Athletic but still with curves, some tasteful tattoos, pretty but down to earth.  She looked like the type that probably played Roller Derby on the weekends, or at least had some friends that did.  That she had a great smile and got my jokes were just icing on the cake.

And a wedding ring.

Too bad.

I really wanted to take her aside and ask her where I could meet someone just like her. ¬†Maybe ask her if she had a twin sister that was single, or failing that maybe a best friend. ¬†And I probably would have said something if the place hadn’t gotten busy. ¬†Well, that and I wasn’t sure if it would come off as weird.

Maybe next time.

Time for a G&% D@*N Rant!

I know, I know, I promised some other posts but I got side-tracked and had to rant.

Ladies, if someone came up to you and said that cutting off a chunk of your clit had all sorts of possible (though insignificant) health benefits would you go for it?

Somehow I doubt it.

When you hear about female genital mutilation in third world countries does it make you cringe?  And/or donate to Human Rights Watch?

Then why, for the god damn fucking sake are people still encouraging male circumcision?

I just saw a news article TODAY that mentioned all these “benefits” to cutting off men’s foreskins. ¬†Except, if you actually read the stats, get the background information, give it a little critical thought and check other sources, it’s almost COMPLETE BULLSHIT.

Why is this socially acceptable? ¬†Why is this even worth a fucking article? ¬†Why aren’t people pissed off?

Do you know why circumcision was invented? ¬†The church thought it would be a way to lessen boys’ urges to masturbate.

But this isn’t the fucking dark ages, why is this still a thing? ¬†Why are we permanently damaging male children, removing thousands of their nerve endings on the most sensitive part of their body?

I’ve read the studies, seen the arguments, and they’re all full of shit. ¬†Seriously. ¬†EVERY SINGLE POINT!

I don’t get it. ¬†If we were talking about mutilating baby girls there would be a shit storm of epic proportions, but no one cares about boys? ¬†This is fucking bullshit.


I had a dream last night that got me thinking and a little nostalgic this morning. ¬†Not in some “the old days were so great” kind of way, but there are things I used to have that I do miss.

In the dream I was staying at a very isolated, backwoods motel in the middle of the woods. ¬†It was an old place that looked like it hadn’t been updated in forever with an attached restaurant. ¬†At first I was investigating some weirdness in the area but “fell” for one of the young women working at the place (it was family run, she was probably in her early 20’s), she was one of those people who you’re just instantly comfortable with and the dream shifted to focus on her. ¬†She was sexy but the dream wasn’t sexual, if that makes sense. ¬†We spent a lot of time in the restaurant and in the dining area, talking, walking together, touching.

I could go into more detail, the rest of the dream was pretty strange and might make a good story someday, but when I woke up it was the comfort level with the woman that I really stuck with me. Continue reading

It’s that time of year again…

The less than great news today is that both of my new CL friends flaked out. ¬†It happens, though usually I’m pretty good at picking out which ones will and which ones won’t. ¬†Not a particularly big deal either way, a massive dose of quality time and online porn has calmed my libido down since I got back. ¬†I’ve returned to normal, my merely average level of horniness. ¬†Which is probably better in the long run since I make questionable decisions otherwise.

And like every cloud, this one has a silver lining… ¬†Once again, I can willfully ignore the worst holiday of the year.

Valentines Day.

It’s like my nemesis. ¬†It might only come around once a year but it pretty much ruins the entire month. ¬†It’s a lose-lose, if you’re in a relationship you have to do the whole buy-her-love dance, and if you’re single than you have to deal with being bombarded with images of “love” and happy couples for weeks and weeks. ¬†The whole mass media industry suddenly goes fucking crazy for couples and “showing” (buying) our overwhelming love for our lifetime match.

I have to stop here or I’m going to get even more angry than usual. ¬†It’s best for me to just avoid the whole topic.

And this year I can safely do that without it affecting my sex life.  Thank the gods.

So, for the rest of you enjoying the safety of spending Valentine’s Day alone, have a good one. ¬†Don’t forget to stock up on the wine.

(Notice I didn’t mention the Super Bowl? ¬†Yeah, I’m not really a fan of football either. ¬†What can I say, February is pretty much a crap month all around.)

Dipping in my… toes

Ever since I got back from my trip I’ve been ridiculously horny. ¬†As such, I’ve found myself drifting more and more toward my old hunting grounds, the place where the darkest shadows meet, the seediest of players gather, the place that always makes me feel like I need to take an antiseptic shower… ¬†Craig’s List.

I’m only half kidding. ¬†Yes, CL has been a favorite of mine for a long time but it’s not (always) as bad as I make it sound. ¬†At least not for guys. ¬†Usually. ¬†Sure, like an old hotel room, you might not want to go poking around with a UV light, but at least it’s cheap and easy. Continue reading

Home again, home again

Almost as soon as I heard about the craziness back home (mentioned in the previous post, Off to a bad start) I was looking for plane tickets. ¬†Thankfully, work has been light so far this year and getting two weeks off after the holidays wasn’t such a hard sell to my bosses.

I haven’t written much about Jane, my recent FWB, I’ll have to catch up on that later, but we’d been seeing each other since Thanksgiving (which was only about a month, in hindsight). ¬†A few days before the trip I got a text that would normally send a chill down my spine, “We need to talk.” ¬† Continue reading


Yeah, I’m going to talk about masturbation and fantasies for a minute. If that’s not our cup of tea you can go back to watching The View, or whatever it was you were doing before.

Alright, so this morning I was having some “me” time. This was not out of the ordinary, even when I’m getting some I still find myself needing quality time… with myself. Anyway, as I was perusing my well loved memories for inspiration I went through the usuals and just wasn’t feeling them. I stretched back further, going over past escapades until I found one that appealed to me. Bada bing, bada boom, I’m sure you don’t need details. Continue reading