Conversations to avoid with your FWB


Just in case you were wondering, yesterday’s post was an April Fools joke.  Though apparently “I’m voting for he-who-shall-not-be-named” was a popular one yesterday, and you all know me too well, because I didn’t get any freaked out responses.

I mean, c’mon, I won’t even name the guy here because he doesn’t need any more free publicity.  He’s either he-who-shall-not-be-named or maybe-anti-christ, which is a little ironic because so much of the Republican base is composed of fundamentalists.

The only reason I bring this up, other than to point out yesterday’s joke, is to talk about conversations you should avoid with your FWB.  Or, in my case, ex-FWB.

Jane and I have maintained the friendship part of our FWB arrangement even though we stopped having the benefits.

What’s kind of amusing though, is how little we know sometimes about the people we have casual relationships with.  I mean, I thought I knew her pretty well, but when the conversation turned to politics last week I was in for a surprise.

He-who-shall-not-be-named was in the headlines for some of his usual ridiculousness.  I made a joke at his expense.

Her response?  “Yeah, but he’s still better than the other options.”

I did the whole comical double take, mouth hanging open.  Whaaaaaa?  Are you kidding me?

To clarify a little bit on why I was shocked; Jane is a minority, she’s young, she’s educated, she’s very open minded in certain areas.  In my mind, none of those things are associated with you know who’s supporters.  However, she’s also religious.  Now, I’d never really thought about her faith in any serious terms because, well, we were very kinky FWBs for a while, she’s divorced, and she doesn’t really talk about her Church.  But apparently, it plays a much larger role than I suspected.

The conversation went on for a while and her argument boiled down to “Well, who else is there?”  And, to a small degree, I can empathize with her situation.  I mean, I have a hard time imagining ever being a Republican, but if I was I’d be pretty f***ing disappointed with the current options too.

Cruz is a a sniveling little, back stabbing, lying, greasy wannabe who’ll do and say whatever it takes to get ahead, no matter how despicable.  If you google “most hated man in washington” the first page is all articles about Cruz.  And that’s what his contemporaries have to say about him.  You think he’s going to be able to convince all those same people to vote for anything he proposes if, god forbid, he becomes the leader of the free world?  How is he going to get anything done?  And even if he does, he’s so fundamentalist his ideas are terrifying.

Kasich seems like a mostly reasonable dude but nobody thinks he’s got a chance in hell.  Bush or Rubio would have been half decent candidates, for Republicans anyway, but they were shot down fast.

So, who does that leave?  I mean, the Republicans are truly screwed this election cycle.  There are no good options and even the “least worst” are terrible.  The pundits wonder how maybe-anti-christ can shake off the massive blunders that would have killed any other campaign but the reason is simple, who else have they got?

The conversation with Jane was actually quite interesting.  We agreed on most points, we’re just different parties.  That might have bothered me if I thought he-who-shall-not-be-named had a chance in hell of winning.  Sure, he’s at the top of the polls in his races but that really doesn’t mean shit these days, especially considering a large percentage of his “base”, Republicans, are just as against him as the Democrats are.  What other candidate has a #NeverXXX that’s trending among his own party.

I’ve got some liberal friends that are terrified of the guy, but I just laugh.  He doesn’t have a chance in hell, and I’m not just talking about the polls that show he’ll lose no matter who the democratic candidate is (stats).  He’s too divisive, even for a Republican.

Look at it like this, pretend for a second that the US hasn’t been trending more liberal over the last decade and just look at the population breakdown (reference).  More than half the US adult population is women.  He has a 71% unfavorable opinion among women, so already he’s got a major handicap.  Sure, some will hold their nose and vote for him anyway but we’re not done yet.  40% of the US adult population is composed of minorities.  Who polls poorly among minorities?  You guessed it.  There are around 80 million millenials in the US, most of which lean liberal.  That’s where Sanders has been getting most of his votes.  They overwhelmingly poll in favor of the democrats.  Who does that leave?  Middle aged, white, male, lower middle class, republicans.  That’s a tiny, tiny slice of the cross section of the US population.

The bottom line is that He-who-shall-not-be-named is part of a party with a base that’s already dwindling and he’s gone so far to alienate those that remain he’s just shooting himself in the foot.  His slice of the American pie shrinks every time he opens his mouth.  He’s a joke and doesn’t seem to be aware of it yet.

That said, now I know not to bring up politics or religion with future FWBs.  It’s a good thing me and Jane aren’t fooling around anymore, I don’t think I could bring myself to sleep with someone who’s on the wrong side of my politics.  Actually, I could but I’d probably be conflicted about it afterwards.  Maybe.

Men and Breakups


Last month I mentioned an interesting article I’d read recently.  At the time I didn’t feel like going into it so it was just the preface to a Friday Night Music post.

An excerpt:

The post I was going to originally do was based on this article, “Why Break Ups Hurt More For Women.”

For those too lazy to read the article, it describes how men and women react differently to break ups.  According to the study, women are hurt far more when a relationship ends, then they eventually recover and are generally stronger for the experience.  Compared to men, men are hurt less after the break up but never recover, just move on.

Just reading that summary, you should have some idea where I’m going with this.  I kind of feel like the article and the study missed something.  The title says break ups hurt more for women… but they recover… and are stronger afterwards, men are just kind of a footnote but it says they never get over it.  To me, that begs the question how break ups (some study said we average three by our thirties) affect men long term.  According to the study women would get stronger and stronger, it seems to follow then that men would get weaker and weaker… which is fascinating in many ways.  But they never follow up on that.

Continue reading

Drunk and a little confused


I’m somewhat intoxicated but I’ll try to keep my handwriting legible.  We’ll see how that goes.

It has come to my attention recently that I have made a glaring error in my blogging, leading some readers to be confused as to who I am.  Now, I’m normally a very private person and refuse to share many details about my life, but this air of mystery has left one big question unanswered.

Am I a skinhead?

White power skinheads are members of a white supremacist and antisemitic offshoot of the skinhead subculture.[1][2][3][4] Many of them are affiliated with white nationalist organizations. (Wikipedia)

Continue reading

Fame and Anonymity


Anyone who’s read for a while knows how little I like social media.  As much benefit as they might have (Arab spring), they are just as often used by not-so-nice people to recruit others to their cause (every -ist you can think of).  Those are extreme examples, the outliers if you will, but the everyday stuff is often just as poisonous.  Social media is like the land of narcissism, promoting those that are ridiculous or ridiculously attractive, encouraging everyone to shout louder and louder to gain attention.

That shit scares me.  I can’t imagine being a kid growing up in all this immediate gratification, pleading for attention, and daily bombardment of bullshit.  I’ll just give you one example before getting off that particular soap box.  Just pretend for a moment you’re a fourteen year old girl on social media, the more revealing the outfit, the more risque, the more attention they’re going to get.  Good and bad.  Lovers and haters and bullies and trolls and friends and men with less than pure intentions.  And how well are teenagers equipped to deal with that?  They’re already wired to have less self control, raging hormones, and are more likely to have emotional swings.  But it’s “cool” to be on social media, right?  Hop on the bandwagon.

And everything on the internet lasts forever. Continue reading

A One Sided Debate


Since it seems Curiosetta is unwilling to participate in a discussion, I guess I’ll just post my rebuttal.

First, I’d like to just take a moment and explain why the comments that sparked all this pissed me off so much.  There are some crazy people with extreme views that go around and snipe at people online, usually hiding behind anonymity.  Those trolls are annoying but most readers can look at those comments and see that they’re just crazy and extreme and disregard them.  Those types of trolls don’t bother me, they’re more sad than anything else.

No, the people that bug me are the ones with extreme views that are smart enough to incorporate legitimate issues with bullshit misinformation or ridiculousness.  These people piss me off because when you question them they fall back on the nugget of legitimacy.

I’ll give you an fake example.  “Texting and driving is extremely dangerous.  Only uneducated idiots from Colorado text and drive.”

If someone argues against the inflammatory (and stupid) ‘uneducated idiots from Colorado’ part, the original commentor can pull out stats about how dangerous texting and driving is and obviously anyone who disagrees with them is pro-death.  They’re essentially relying on one part of their argument being close to inarguable to lend legitimacy to their whole statement. Continue reading

A Dangerous Precedent?


It seems like every time I check my news feed I see half a dozen articles that piss me off.  I should really just stop reading the news, it always puts me in a bad mood.

Today I read a piece on the Huffington Post, “Why the Boy Scouts new policy on gays sets a dangerous precedent.”  Article.

Before I go into the wrongness of the article I’ll give you a little background on myself.  I was an active member in boy scouts for many years, during that time (fifteen years or so ago) were the first debates about homosexuals in scouting.  I came down firmly on the side of gay rights.  It was too early then, the changes were shot down.  Many boy scout troops are also sponsored by religious organizations, mainly Christian, something else I was not a fan of, but that was the driving force behind the ban on homosexuals in the organization.

However… I think the BSA (Boy Scouts of America) just made a step in the right direction and opinion pieces like the one in the Huffington Post are steps in the wrong direction. Continue reading

Writing as introspection


Blogging has always been in some form or another a kind of introspection for me.  I never wrote for an audience, I wrote for myself.  It was all about finding a way to understand and explain myself to me, dig into my life, my feelings deeper.

More recently, I’ve found interesting parallels in my fiction writing.  By interesting I mean borderline scary.

Several months ago I went to see a therapist for the first time.  It’s something that I’d wanted to do for a while, I hoped that it would be like an interactive form of writing…  me finding ways to explain things to someone else (like writing) but then having that person ask questions that might give me another perspective in a safe environment.  In case you hadn’t noticed, I take my anonymity, my secrets, quite seriously.  The only way I could really talk to someone about anything, everything honestly was in a situation where I could trust their discretion. Continue reading

Pet Peeve #1357


I just watched the movie Lucy. Unfortunately, as good as the action scenes might have been, the entire premise of this movie irritated the shit out of me.  Had I known beforehand I never would have picked it up.

There is a common misconception that we only use 10% of our brain.  The movie plot involves a drug that lets Lucy tap into more and more of it, giving her all sorts of wild abilities.  There’s a ticker on the bottom of the screen that keeps going up until she’s using 100%.

That is quite possibly the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Continue reading

Anniversaries


I don’t completely remember the train of thought, maybe it was the post looking back at 2014, but I realized something interesting today, last year was the first since the divorce that I didn’t remember my wedding anniversary.  I’ve been divorced for over three years but that date was such a big deal for so long that it was second nature.

It’s ironic, I know, for a guy but I never forgot an anniversary or Cat’s birthday, even when things weren’t going well with her.  I’m terrible, terrible with dates I should remember, I know this, so when we got married I made a serious effort to drill the numbers into my brain.  I came up with little rhymes so they were easier to recall, I used every trick I could think of and it worked, I never missed one.  There was even a debate a few years in as to our exact anniversary, she was actually a day off and it became a running joke every year.  “Are you sure it isn’t tomorrow?”

Nine months after our divorce, six months after Cat got remarried, our old anniversary rolled around.  For the first time in ten years it didn’t really mean anything but I still remembered it.  She was at her new place with her new family and I was home alone.  I sent Cat a silly text about it then proceeded to drink myself silly.

The next year I was deployed and going through a fairly tumultuous situation, a week later I’d be out of the military, but I still remembered.  I didn’t send her a text, I was overseas, but I drank myself silly before getting up at 5 am the next morning for work.  That was pretty much the norm at the time but I tipped her a salute.

The following year, I was a civilian but remembered and celebrated by drinking myself silly.  I didn’t bother sending her a message, she didn’t send me one either.  In fact, now that I’m thinking about it, she never sent me any messages, silly or not, on our old anniversary.  She’d already moved on, I suppose.  She had new dates marked on her calendar.

Last year… I didn’t remember.  It didn’t occur to me at all.  The date rolled around the same as it does every year but it was just another day.  Actually, looking back through the posts, I had just returned from a trip to see Ann, Cat was the last thing on my mind.  It’s been almost six months and I just now realized that it just passed without notice.

I suppose it’s a good thing, that old part of my life is fading away, but it also makes me a little sad.  It’s not that I’m nostalgic for my marriage, the divorce was one of the best decisions we (she) made, but it signifies the fading of that whole decade of my life.  The good and the bad.  It’s the past getting further and further away in the rear view.

I should probably also find some new dates to focus on since there won’t be any more weddings in my future.  Different anniversaries, probably, but no more marriages for me.

no marriage

A New Year


I wanted to write about Australia while the memories were still fresh (there’s still more coming) but that means that I’ve put off other posts.  Like New Years.  Usually I avoid those kind of arbitrary milestone posts because on their own they don’t really mean much.  They’re like birthdays, it’s just a number, nothing has really changed from the day before.  This year though, I actually wanted to write.

The beginning of 2014 I was bored, lonely, and indifferent about my life.  Things weren’t all bad but life was dull and without any promising prospects I didn’t have a lot of optimism for the future.  I was just kind of trudging through, surviving day to day.

The end of 2014, December 31st, I was in Australia with Sharn and a few of her friends, drinking and watching the Sydney New Years Eve fireworks on the TV.  Like usual, I did a mental review of the year and was surprised at just how crazy 2014 was.  Most of my year-end reviews don’t have much to comment on but 2014 was different.  There were so many ups and downs and all-arounds.  Good, bad, and just about everything in between. Continue reading