When it rains… (update)

In my effort to tell a fairly short, somewhat amusing story I left out a lot of important things and didn’t get into detail on others.  As such, I’m a little concerned that people are getting the wrong idea -which is mostly my fault since I’m the one trying to tell the story.  I think it was the tone, it was light and silly where I should have had more variance.

So, for a moment, lets back up to before Stephanie came to visit.

Oh yeah, my dog died.  My constant companion through thick and thin, my best bud, my awesome rescue buddy that definitely saved me more than I saved her.  It’s hard to describe the intensity of the grief and loneliness that I’ve been going through for months.  Not only that, my dog was an important part of my relationship with both Jane and Stephanie, though I don’t particularly want to go into that right now.

I still have a memorial on my kitchen counter, photos and toys and things.  You can imagine how Stephanie felt seeing the toys she’d bought, the conversations we had about the dog, etc.  It wasn’t easy.

The first night that Stephanie was here I 100% planned on sleeping on the couch and giving her the bed.  And that’s how we started out the night.

But here’s the thing with loneliness/depression (whatever mental stuff is going on), you can distract yourself all day but those five minutes before you fall asleep are the worst.  I was just staring at the ceiling of the living room, feeling so sad and alone… but there’s this other human being, who’s kind and understanding, not ten feet away in the bedroom.

I went into the bedroom to cuddle.  Seriously.  I couldn’t stand having someone that close and still feeling that alone.  And one thing led to another…

Like I said, I knew she was a bad candidate for FWB.  But I couldn’t help myself.  I couldn’t.  I kind of played it off like it was a guy thing in pt 1 but that was a small part of the equation.  I was trying for light and funny rather than depressing.

And hopefully that gives you all a better idea how all this happened.

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13 thoughts on “When it rains… (update)

  1. I think I kind of preferred the story before reading this addendum. This just makes me feel bad for Stephenie and I can see why she would feel/hope there was more to it than FWB. You sought her out..in bed….for emotional and physical comfort…that’s more than a standard FWB situation in my opinion.

    • I disagree Sassy…FWB is comfort/sex for the night…then you go back to being friends the next day…I don’t think ID did anything wrong as long as he said he communicated he wanted FWB

      • Sorry I didn’t see your comment about talking before doing anything…at least there was the discussion. Unfortunately the way you describe her, I don’t think she could actually be just a FWB…she might have thought she could but someone that virgin-like wouldn’t be able to follow through on keeping emotions in check.

      • And I think you’re exactly right about her, which is why she was such a bad candidate for FWB. And I knew that and I allowed it to happen anyway because I was hurting

      • Well we can each have our own opinion 🙂 It’s not really clear when the FWB discussion took place???

  2. I didn’t get the wrong idea at all, the first time. I liked the post, and didn’t feel any judgement either way. It was just incidents in the path of life. Again – I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m facing this possibility with my 15yo girl soon, but at least I have this time to prepare.

  3. You’re taking a lot of responsibility here, Johnny, and I admire that, but naive or not, Stephanie is a grown ass woman. Be kind and gentle with yourself and her. Just be honest as you have been here and reiterate what your needs/intentions are with her. It does sound like the activity left her confused and she will likely be heartbroken for a little bit, but she’ll be ok. If you lose the friendship, then it is a good lesson for both of you. I hope you can give yourself some grace. Grieving is very painful. I hope it lightens up a bit for you.

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