When it rains… (update)


In my effort to tell a fairly short, somewhat amusing story I left out a lot of important things and didn’t get into detail on others.  As such, I’m a little concerned that people are getting the wrong idea -which is mostly my fault since I’m the one trying to tell the story.  I think it was the tone, it was light and silly where I should have had more variance.

So, for a moment, lets back up to before Stephanie came to visit.

Oh yeah, my dog died.  My constant companion through thick and thin, my best bud, my awesome rescue buddy that definitely saved me more than I saved her.  It’s hard to describe the intensity of the grief and loneliness that I’ve been going through for months.  Not only that, my dog was an important part of my relationship with both Jane and Stephanie, though I don’t particularly want to go into that right now.

I still have a memorial on my kitchen counter, photos and toys and things.  You can imagine how Stephanie felt seeing the toys she’d bought, the conversations we had about the dog, etc.  It wasn’t easy.

The first night that Stephanie was here I 100% planned on sleeping on the couch and giving her the bed.  And that’s how we started out the night.

But here’s the thing with loneliness/depression (whatever mental stuff is going on), you can distract yourself all day but those five minutes before you fall asleep are the worst.  I was just staring at the ceiling of the living room, feeling so sad and alone… but there’s this other human being, who’s kind and understanding, not ten feet away in the bedroom.

I went into the bedroom to cuddle.  Seriously.  I couldn’t stand having someone that close and still feeling that alone.  And one thing led to another…

Like I said, I knew she was a bad candidate for FWB.  But I couldn’t help myself.  I couldn’t.  I kind of played it off like it was a guy thing in pt 1 but that was a small part of the equation.  I was trying for light and funny rather than depressing.

And hopefully that gives you all a better idea how all this happened.

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