When my last FWB, Jane, broke things off so she could do some “real” dating, I was happy for her but torn for myself. I’m only going to be in my current location for about six months before moving a few thousand miles for work. I’d already decided that dating was off the table, it would have just complicated things, but I didn’t want to be entirely celibate either. So, should I get back into the search for a new FWB or just lay off until after the move?
I was lucky with Jane, despite how short the fling was. She was exactly what I was looking for, someone who knew what they wanted, were comfortable with the conditions, and was a ton of fun.
Knowing I was unlikely to get that lucky again, I decided to just wait until after the move. It sucks but seemed like the best option for the time being.
Well, it’s gone surprisingly well so far.
Last night I was bopping around the apartment, getting some spring cleaning done with a spring in my step, whistling a tune and thinking that life was pretty good. Looking back, I’ve gotten more positive improvement done in my life in the last two weeks than in the last six months. Seriously. I got myself enrolled in classes for my Masters, my apartment has never been cleaner, and I’ve even picked up the slack in my workout routine.
I’ve lost ten pounds in two weeks. No shit. And I feel great. I’m less stressed, I’m happier, it’s like going on anti-depressants without the side effects.
All this got me thinking, was dating holding me back all these years? Was the time, effort and money put into getting sex and looking for relationships actually detrimental to my quality of life?
The answer wasn’t obvious so I decided to meditate on it. Here’s what I’ve come up with:
Dating is a lot like going to the mall every day with a particular purchase in mind, but it’s never in stock. Some days you see something that looks promising but it turns out to be the opposite but most days there isn’t even anything close. It’s frustrating, it’s depressing, and generally going to the mall that day wasn’t worth the time or effort. It’s like having a goal that is constantly frustrated and isn’t really achievable.
In other words: Fuck yes, dating was detrimental to my life.
Why should I get back into that turgid pool after the move? Why risk all the positives that I’ve gained? Why bother when I’m happier without it?
That’s when I decided I needed to write this post. But not just that, I wanted to do some research to see if I could back up my opinions with facts. I know I’m not the only one that’s decided he’s better off without dating.
Well, it’s surprisingly difficult to find studies on how many people stop dating and it’s affects on their mental health. Most of the results were click bait titles like “Stop dating men in their 30’s who pop their collar” or other bullshit like that.
But I also found a few articles like this one: http://elitedaily.com/dating/im-guy-stopped-dating-found-next-best-thing/954714/
The search also led me to a large online group of men who’ve also decided to give up dating. While it didn’t have much in the way of statistics it had a lot of opinion pieces from guys who’ve come to the same conclusion as I have. It’s called Men Going Their Own Way. While some of their articles are a little weird, there were also some that I found quite interesting. It’s always good to get a variety of opinions.
And that’s when I had something of a Eureka moment. Over and over in the articles I was seeing the same things, the same stories, the same frustrations. Men are truly f***ed in modern American society. No wonder so many of them just decide to stop playing the game.
It’s not just dating, it’s society that puts a ridiculous amount of pressure on men to be successful, to fill certain roles, to shoulder the burdens of the world while being constantly harassed about not doing enough. And we’re constantly told that we’re not good enough.
How is that fair? It’s not.
Things have got to change and fast.
And you know who is the only presidential candidate standing up for men’s rights? Who understands the difficulties and doesn’t put up with all the political-correctness bullshit? Who isn’t afraid to point out when a woman is being a B****?
You guessed it.
Make America Great Again.