Could have been bad


So, I got a call from Cat the other day that was quite unexpected and could have gone very badly if our divorced relationship weren’t as good.

Before I get to what was said, I’d like to talk a little bit about her current husband.  I’ve been calling him Captain Awesome (CA), entirely unironically, for a while in my draft posts but for various reasons they weren’t posted.  He’s seriously an awesome dude and anyone who’s watched Chuck will get the reference. The kind of guy who’s so perfect you  want to hate him but is such a good dude you just can’t.  CA is tall, pretty in a way that sends women of all ages into a tizzy (seriously), successful, smart, has a bad ass job that more than compensates for his prettiness, and is exceptionally good with the kids.  Not only all that but he’s gone above and beyond when it comes to making sure I’m involved with the family, as well as being cool with me and Cat’s strange-but-friendly divorce.  I couldn’t have asked for a better dude to get added to the family and help watch over my kid.

Okay, on to the story.

Cat doesn’t typically call me, she’s far more of a texter or she’ll send a facebook update, so when I saw her name on the caller ID I was a little concerned.  What she said surprised me though.

“Sooooo, CA was just on the computer.  He noticed that your profile pic on Skype is not something kid friendly.  Do you know what it is?”

Ummm… okay.  I only use skype to talk to our daughter and to my mother, neither of which happens as often as it should, but the last time I’d been on the profile pic was an astronaut penguin or something ridiculous like that.  It was one of their default options.

But when I logged into my account I didn’t see a penguin, I saw a large cock that had just cum all over the hand holding it.  Yeah… not my style.  Not the kind of thing I’d have put for ANY profile pic, let alone one used to communicate with family.  And… it wasn’t my cock.  I was hacked.  Why, who knows?  At least there wasn’t anything too bad they could have gotten.

Thankfully, whoever hacked my account didn’t bother to change the password.  I was able to get in, change the photo and get a new password.

I told Cat, “Yeah, I didn’t put that up.”

She said that’s what she’d thought.  Apparently, when CA had shown her the image she’d laughed and remarked that it wasn’t mine.  As in, she looked at the photo on my profile and said that it wasn’t my cock.  We were married for ten years.

We both laughed at that.

Just take a second to wallow in the ridiculousness of the situation.  My ex-wife’s current husband found a cock shot for my profile pic and shows her, she laughs and tells him it’s not mine, then calls me so I can change it.  We’re not only cool with that, it’s quite humorous.

This is one of the reasons why I’m extremely appreciative of the relationship that Cat and I and Captain Awesome have.  What could have been an extremely awkward, uncomfortable, angry situation wasn’t any of those things.  It was like a very strange adult joke that we were all in on.

I just hope my mom didn’t see it, that conversation would be far less amusing.

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Sorry Devon


About two weeks ago I got a very nice email from a reader through my Contact page:

Hi There,
I happened across your blog yesterday and have been reading voraciously
ever since….what can I say it’s been a slow couple of days 😉 I wanted to
compliment you on
1. the quality of your writing. I have been by turns, inclined toward
introspection, brought to tears, laughed uproariously, aroused to raunchy
musings, and impressed by your taste in music! Well played Sir, well played.
2. Your ability to bare your soul, and ask yourself the difficult questions.
3. Your genuine love and appreciation for women despite the difficult
situations you’ve been through.
So, that is all. I feel like some odd sort of groupie now, but wanted to
share my appreciation.
Best of luck with, erm life I suppose?
Devon

So, that gave me a big smile.  I don’t write specifically for an audience, I write because I love to and need to, but it’s always, always nice to hear from someone who enjoyed reading.  I’d also wondered why my stats had jumped so high for one day.

Unfortunately, the email got lost in my inbox until recently.

I replied… or I tried to.

Hey Devon,

Apologies for the slow reply.  Somehow I missed the contact email from
WordPress until I was cleaning out my inbox today.

First off, thanks for reading and then writing to me.  When I started the
blog it was just a confidante, I didn’t really see any benefit except for
having an outlet to vent my feelings.  But over time I’ve come to
appreciate the community of writers and readers out there.  It seems almost
silly in this day of 140 character tweets, but being able to write in-depth
posts is such an important aspect of reaching real connection with people.
There isn’t really a short cut to building that rapport.

That said, it’s a lot of work to keep up with a blog, so it’s always a
boost to hear from someone who’s enjoyed it.  That’s what keeps us going.
I’m so glad that you liked what you read, I’ll attempt to keep it up and
hopefully you’ll enjoy future posts as much.

-Johnny

PS: And don’t be a stranger.  There’s a lot of cool people and good writers
that hang out in this digital dive bar.  Grab a seat, join the
conversation.  You never know what might come of it.

For some reason my reply was returned as “Undeliverable”.

So, Devon, if you’re reading this I did try to reply and I do appreciate hearing from you.  If you’re still around, hit me up again.

Follow up email


Okay, I couldn’t help myself.  That shouldn’t surprise all of you.  I replied to the weird email that I talked about in the previous post.  The message was just too off the wall, I needed to know more.  Turns out the story gets even stranger.

In the first email, dude basically offers me the use of his nympho sub for the summer.  Yeah.   There was nothing about the message that interested me at all, rather the attitude the dude had was really bothersome, which is what the last post was about.

But I couldn’t just leave it there,  I wrote back a quick, two line message.  Basically a “tell me more”.  I didn’t really want to engage with him but I was curious about him and the situation.  Call me an amateur sociologist.

We’re going with Bob and Sierra for names, for now.  According to him, long term “FWB” with a big kinky streak.

This was his response (edited for anonymity):

“Sierra is my sub, she calls me her Master.  She’s early 40’s, (irrelevant details).  I’m early 50’s, (irrelevant details).  She’s into all kinds of kink, especially playing with multiple guys.  We’re DDF and tested often.  We are hoping to share her while you’re in the area as long as you’re discrete and can host.  You sounded like someone who would appreciate the opportunity.”

Alright, on the surface there are some oddities but there were a couple details that really stood out.  Specifically, they’re both decades older than me, have been playing together for four years… but can’t host and emphasize being discrete…

What the fuck?  This screams “we’re two adults cheating on our significant others and looking for somewhere to hook up”.  Probably tired of making out in cars or paying for hotel rooms.  But this dude acts like he’s trying to do me a favor?

For those of you who don’t know me so well… I’m an extraordinarily private person.  I’m a hermit in training and don’t waste my time on most people.  Sure, Bob doesn’t know that… but what kind of unreasonable douchebag is he?  Not only treating Sierra like shit, he’s probably cheating on a wife or long time partner, and he’s willing to offer his mistress’ orifices to a stranger just to have a place to fuck her.

My response (edited for anonymity):

“Bob, I appreciate your offer but felt that I should outline my own positions before we go any further.  I don’t play with couples or groups unless I’m very comfortable with them beforehand, and I’m certainly not interested in being anyone’s third wheel.  If (Sierra) wants to meet with me, see if we get along, that would be a good first step.  If Sierra and I click maybe down the line I’d be open to adding others.  But it would only be in stages and accommodating all of our comfort levels.

“Second, your concern for ‘discrete’ partners and inability to host implies to me that you’re both involved with others and this is some side situation, which I’m not okay with.  If that isn’t the case, please set me straight.”

Yeah, I was more polite than I needed to be, but I’m a polite kind of guy and I was still curious what info I could get from him.

His reply was unsurprising:

“Yes, we are, as you put it, ‘involved’ with other people but we’ve been together for (years) and have never had any drama.  Sierra only plays with me, so if you’re suggesting time with just her than there is nothing else to really discuss.  Good luck with your search.”

Yeah, that put pretty much all my questions to rest.

There are so many douche bags out there.  I’m quite sincere when I tell people that I’m glad I’m not a woman in the dating scene these days, I couldn’t stand it.

Worrisome Flags


Those of you who’ve been reading for a while know I’m a very sex positive, open minded, equality promoting kind of guy.  That might seem contradictory to some of the BDSM behaviors I’ve picked up over the years but it’s not, and that’s something that took me some time to learn and be comfortable with.  My goal has always been to give my partner a good time, bondage, dominance, and everything else are just tools in my tool box for giving her what she wants.  I get out of it what she gets out of it.  It’s never been about me or my desires, it’s about what I can do for her.  Makes sense?

Now, I know that my perspective is not universal to BDSM, nor is it exclusive.  There’s a very wide range of types of people and situations in the BDSM community, most of which are perfectly healthy but others that are a bit too extreme for me.  As long as it’s consensual (emphasis on consensual), than I try not to judge.  To each their own.  But sometimes I see situations that look far from healthy.  That’s one of the reasons I encourage women who are interested in the BDSM scene to find an experienced woman with similar interests to show her the ropes, help keep her safe.  There are definitely some people (guys mostly) that get into the BDSM scene to “validate” abusive relationships and interests, they aren’t “abusive” they’re “kinky”… but abuse is abuse and should be pursued legally no matter where it shows up.

Okay, so you’ve got a very thorough explanation of where I fall on the kink spectrum.  I’m exactly as kinky as my partner and only go as far as she enjoys.  Her having a good time is what’s arousing to me.  She is always the priority, even if she’s tied up and getting spanked (because that’s what she wants, not what I want).

You also know that I’ve been dipping into the Craigslist world to see if I can find a playmate for the months leading up to my move later this year.

Well, last week I got this email response to one of my posts (lightly edited to protect anonymity):

Hello! We are a FWB couple that have been together for XXXX years.  She is a nasty Asian mixed cum slut that is into being dominated and bondage. Both DDF, disease free.  I would like to share her with you for the remaining time you are here.

Our email address is: XXXX

Bob and Sierra

 

Yeah, hopefully you anticipate some of the issues I have with that message, because there’s nothing in here that sounds good to me.

First, you don’t call someone that you’ve been together with for XXXX years a nasty cum slut.  Now, I know there are plenty of people who get off on being called things like that.  I don’t have a problem with these kind of put downs if they’re part of consensual fun between two adults… But that’s something unique to their relationship, not with strangers on the internet.

Let me put it like this, if my partner wanted to be called a “c$m guzzling, sl*tty bitch” I could call her that behind closed doors, just like tying her up or spanking her, because that’s what gets her going.  HOWEVER, and this is a big HOWEVER, I would never call her that to someone else, especially a stranger.  Respecting her wishes, giving her what she wants, not a problem… but showing her disrespect in public is NOT cool (unless it’s somehow explicitly tied into our game, like at a “munch” or something where people understand the dynamic).  Already, the disrespect the writer is showing his “partner” is a total turn off.

Second, he’s writing, not her.  My whole philosophy is female-centric, giving her what she wants is what gets me going.  That she isn’t writing already makes this whole thing borderline already.  Why is he writing instead of her?  Maybe she’s not into this side of their relationship, maybe she doesn’t have a choice, maybe she’s not being given much choice?  Or maybe this is part of their dynamic, more owner-object than partnership.  But still, none of that appeals to me either.

Third, as if the first two weren’t enough (they were), the line “I would like to share her with you…”.  Further emphasizing that this is about him, not her.  He would like to share her… like she were a pair of lucky socks or some tupperware containers.  That attitude disgusts me.

Now, before I go any further, I’m not judging people that are into those kinds of behaviors.  Different kink for different folks.  I’m just talking about this specific email and the things I see in it that bother me.

If she were emailing me about how she wants to get used in the bedroom, that would be one thing.  Or if both of them were messaging me, that would be something else.  Or if he’d started out respectfully and we had some dialogue before he got explicit.  But him putting her down, emailing to offer her?  That’s different.

Pretty much everything I see in this email is flag toward an unhealthy BDSM relationship.  Well, actually they aren’t even in a relationship, he says they’re just FWB.  And, as a FWB, he’s comfortable offering to share her with strangers online, all while showing complete disregard for her.  Her only worth to him is as an object to use… and share, apparently.  And that I’m not cool with.  At all.

Hot Lunch


I know it’s a bit of a click-bait title but I couldn’t help it.  (And, sorry Sassygirl40, no smut yet.  Just haven’t been feeling it recently.)

It’s been a while since I’ve written anything here.  I’ve been busy adulting.  I’m getting ready for the impending move and taking care of a bunch of things.  Even got my taxes done before the deadline, pretty good for someone like me who always puts everything off to the last minute.

Anyway, as today represents the end of a very long and mostly productive week I took myself out to lunch at Subway.  Big spender, I know.  But one of the things that I love about the Subway near where I work is that it’s always staffed by hot women.  Shallow, probably, but it makes the whole experience a little nicer.

Today, there was an absolutely gorgeous redhead serving me, totally my type.  Athletic but still with curves, some tasteful tattoos, pretty but down to earth.  She looked like the type that probably played Roller Derby on the weekends, or at least had some friends that did.  That she had a great smile and got my jokes were just icing on the cake.

And a wedding ring.

Too bad.

I really wanted to take her aside and ask her where I could meet someone just like her.  Maybe ask her if she had a twin sister that was single, or failing that maybe a best friend.  And I probably would have said something if the place hadn’t gotten busy.  Well, that and I wasn’t sure if it would come off as weird.

Maybe next time.