I had an idea

I had an idea for a post today but it was a bit too sappy and depressing, it wasn’t any fun, and it’s Friday so there really should be something amusing that can be posted.

So… I’m going to go get a stiff drink and be right back…

Still here?  Wow, your Friday afternoon/evening must be as busy as mine.  For those curious, I’m drinking Rum and Ginger Ale.  It’s all I had in the fridge.

The post I was going to originally do was based on this article, “Why Break Ups Hurt More For Women.”

For those too lazy to read the article, it describes how men and women react differently to break ups.  According to the study, women are hurt far more when a relationship ends, then they eventually recover and are generally stronger for the experience.  Compared to men, men are hurt less after the break up but never recover, just move on.

Just reading that summary, you should have some idea where I’m going with this.  I kind of feel like the article and the study missed something.  The title says break ups hurt more for women… but they recover… and are stronger afterwards, men are just kind of a footnote but it says they never get over it.  To me, that begs the question how break ups (some study said we average three by our thirties) affect men long term.  According to the study women would get stronger and stronger, it seems to follow then that men would get weaker and weaker… which is fascinating in many ways.  But they never follow up on that.

The post I was going to do about the article wasn’t that interesting so I’ll give you that link and summary and leave it at that.

Let’s find something more entertaining to write about this evening.  Hmmm…

Alcohol, Music, and Fridays usually go well together.

I’m in a heavy mood, let’s see what we can find.

I don’t think I’ve put this one up yet, it’s a good ‘un.

This one kept showing up in my Slacker feed.  I don’t even know who Nonpoint is, but I like the song.

The next one, I’d advice you not to watch if you’re on any kind of psychedelic drugs.

WTF is on TV right now?  I just looked up and have no clue.  I might also be drunk, this post has taken abnormally long to put together.

I think I’ve put this one up before, but it’s worth watching again.  “I love the cocaine, I love the cocaine.”

I’m all over the place tonight, I know, but I’m having fun.

Gotta have some Pantera.

And some Shadows Fall.

It’s not always obvious but the guitarists for Shadows Fall are fantastic.

Another favorite.

Fun side note, my dog is digging the music tonight, she’s laying by the couch with a big grin on her face. Especially during that last song, good taste rock dog.

Alright, and we’ll wrap it up with a slower tune.  And some more shots.  It’s another weird video but the song is pretty sweet.  And more shots…

… And I’m about four and a half sheets to the wind… Sweet.

Yeah, and as for relationships, my dog loves me and really that’s all I need.  She’s awesome and she’s got good taste in music.

** Side note: anybody that says they know anything for sure… is for sure full of shit.  Just sayin’.

16 thoughts on “I had an idea

  1. My Friday night included a strip club and throwing the ball for my dog at midnight…I have not heard of any of these bands…I’ll have to listen later since I have to work tomorrow….So do you agree with the article? If so, why do you think most men never recover?

    • Well, a strip club and midnight catch aren’t the worst ways to spend a friday night.

      As for whether I agree with the article or not, I’m not sure. I just thought it was an interesting start and wished they’d taken it a step further. There’s a lot of interesting supposition in the article, none of which has been backed by facts yet, but leads to some interesting questions. That’s what caught my attention, the possibility that they’re right. If they are, what does that mean for men and women? In my experience, I think they are right. I think men have a lot more issues than are recognized. Maybe if this study went the next step we might have some idea how to move forward with more understanding. Hopefully that makes sense. 😛

      • So guess what…one of my clients today said he still struggles with the fact that the mother of his son 13 years ago decided to leave them….13 years! And of course I had to bring up this article you mentioned and he also agrees with the article. And I asked why he thought this happens and he couldn’t answer why…Thinking about it now, I think anyone who deals with something heartbreaking is only able to recover if they grieve, process the grief, come to terms with why it might have happened, and then close that chapter in their life and move forward. What do you think?

      • I think it’s probably a combination of biological and cultural. I mean, guys talking about their feelings? Guys worried about mental health? Guys having a hard time with something? It might not be that we are wired differently as much as it is that we’re taught to handle things differently. “Man up”, “Suck it up”, “Rub some dirt on it”, etc. A guy talking about his feelings would be a quick way to kill most male-to-male conversations. We’re basically expected to bottle up our emotions rather than deal with them. Additionally, there could be some biological/evolutionary factors.

        If you look at males in most mammalian species, they’re essentially expendable. Imagine a scenario where the herd is threatened, the females and youth gather in the center and the males try to protect them. That’s because most of the males could die every year but there could still be the same number of offspring, whereas if the females die that’s a bigger threat to the future of the herd. So, it might be that men are designed for a shorter lifespan, get in, get it done, live fast, die young. And that programming might be complicating things as lifespans increase and lifestyles change. We have less genes than women, we’re less complex genetically, we might be physically “stronger” (sometimes) but in many ways we’re the weaker of the two. The military did studies years ago about the qualities that make for good “warriors”, other than pure physical strength women score better than men in almost every category.

        If we’re going to take all this a step further, insecurity is one of the pillars of male life. We’re essentially replaceable. In some cases, we’re easily replaceable. Deep down, I think some part of all men know that and the knowledge leads to a lot of our misbehavior and issues, inside relationships and out.

        Enough of a response? 🙂

      • I don’t see a “reply” button from your latest response so I’m just gonna respond to this one again…And man, you just gave me alot to digest. First, guys STILL don’t like talking about their feelings?!?! What is up with that?!? Every guy I see in therapy, I tell him he needs to express those emotions and not keep them in….it is easy and can be done. And ok so it’s not a man to man thing to do so thats why it always good to have female friends. =)

        When I read that line about woman being better warriors than men I said a big, loud “WOW’ (and then my dog and cat looked at me funny). I’m actually surprised…such a cool fact to know.

        And you might think you are replaceable but really you aren’t…As you know, we are all given different gifts and have different souls and man, I’ve had my heart broken a time or two by a couple of different guys who I still haven’t been able to replace…lol. Of course, I’m not looking to replace them but just find that guy who is meant for me…

      • There is some softening about the whole “feelings” issue with men, but not by much. There was another story I read recently about the difference between male-male friendships and female-female friendships. Men are essentially activity buddies, they have a very specific set of activities they focus on together, fantasy football, bowling, whatever. They are less “friend” than they are “person I do stuff with sometimes”. Whereas women have more genuine, deep interactions with their close girlfriends. Men are far more superficial together. Think like a wolf pack, you don’t want to lose your position by showing weakness. There’s a lot of false bravado and never deep conversations about feelings and issues. At least with younger guys. Maybe things change as we get older but I’m not seeing any signs of that.

        The warrior statement is very true. Women handle pain and difficulty better than men, have better long term endurance, and are mentally tougher than men in a lot of ways. If you look at physical capability they make better fighter pilots than men because they handle G-forces better. While men are better at short term, explosive, physical activities, and might have more brute force, women are better overall at a long of things. If you look at short distance sports where timing is a factor, men are more explosive and outpace women. However, the further the distance the closer those times become. If you look at Ultramarathons the women are neck in neck with all but the most elite runners.

        The replaceable comment was meant more in general than specific. From a survival of the species standpoint we are expendable. If you have ten men and ten women, five of the men could die and the ‘herd’ could still have ten offspring that year. Whereas if five of the women died, there would only be five offspring, a larger threat to the long term survival of the ‘herd’. In the lizard part of our brain I think that plays a larger role than we think it does. Look at the movies and stories about a ‘heroic’ male character, self sacrificing, morally strong, takes one for the team, sacrifices for the greater good, etc. If a male character hid behind a female character during a dangerous situation he would be unmanly.

        And in a more social context, men can be quite insecure because they know other men would be eager to be with their woman. It’s a supply and demand situation, men have the demand and women have the supply -if you get what I’m saying. Have you ever heard the phrase “never marry a hot woman, you’ll always be looking over your shoulder”? I think that’s why some men get so controlling in relationships, they’re so paranoid about all the other guys out there trying to take their girl.

        Hopefully some of that makes sense. 🙂

      • Interesting side note. As I was thinking over this back and forth I realized that I’m a pretty good example of ‘suppressed’ male. I grew up in a household that didn’t talk about anything, ever. It took Cat a long time to crack that shell and drag me out, kicking and screaming. And even then, when the marriage dissolved I didn’t have anyone to talk to about everything I was going through, couldn’t talk to family and male friends were more likely to drag me to a bar than discuss deep emotional issues. That’s the biggest reason I started blogging in 2009, because I needed to sort through things and get them out in a safe place. And blogging was the only outlet I could find. Interesting.

      • Blogging also helped me get through my tough time at the begging of the year…I love how therapeutic writing can be….

  2. I do hope you revisit the broken relationship man thing… I am intrigued to hear your perspective/opinion. The way men deal with things is so different and I like the way you talk about stuff. Men seem to hold onto it longer when it’s over…
    Regardless, I don’t think breakups hurt more OR less for men and different: breakups hurt differently for individuals based on our past experiences and what that inner voice is telling them. And, of course, that means everyone deals and reacts differently, no matter man or woman.

    Well, it’s early, but it’s my turn to hit the booze today – I’m having Mango Vodka coolers 🙂 Happy Saturday and have a great weekend!

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