I can be an asshole sometimes

I often tell people I’m an asshole, it’s surprising how few people believe that.  I might not be one all the time but I have flashes just like everyone else.

This evening I was having dinner with Stephanie.  She was talking about how videos were more and more common, cameras everywhere.  In some ways that’s pretty awesome, the ability to hold everyone accountable for their actions and record meaningful events.  On the other hand it’s a terrifying, 1984-esque concept.  It led to the following conversation.

Stephanie: “Someday soon we’re all going to be recorded 24/7, all accountability all the time.”

Me: “No way, uh uh.  I’ll move to a tiny cabin in the middle of nowhere if we ever reach a situation even close to that.”

(That’s not an uncommon comment from me, I often talk about how I’d rather be a hermit than live in a society I don’t like.  Which is more and more likely every day.)

Stephanie gave me a sly look: “You always picture yourself alone in that cabin or do you see someone else with you?”

I thought about that for a moment before giving her the honest answer:  “Nope, all alone.”

That pretty much ended our almost romantic evening.  No regrets.

18 thoughts on “I can be an asshole sometimes

  1. Haha. That’s pretty funny. The Hunter early on told me that he saw himself traveling the country in an RV with a dog – alone. I took it for what it was and didn’t get all insecure about a deeper meaning. Poor Stephanie, she should have just accepted your statement for what it was – a reinforcement that you need alone time and are a solitary creature at heart. She should actually be proud of herself that you have invited her into your life. Haha. We are all assholes at one time or another.

    • Yeah, it totally changed the mood of the evening, but it was like “You asked”. I could have gone with something noncommittal but decided honesty was better all around.

  2. LOL I used to tell people that I can be an asshole but now, everyone has pretty much already found that out for themselves. Looks like our cabins might end up in the same holler.

  3. Damn, you’re a bit fancier than NU and I, we always go for living in caves. And I’m always alone in my cave too (although sometimes I say we should have our caves next to eachother) – the whole reason I’m there is because people suck.

    I’m surprised that Steph hasn’t considered life as a hermit before, I thought that was just a part of life 😛

    • Lol, I don’t know about fancier. I grew up in a cabin in the middle of the woods, it’s not a big step to go back to one. 🙂 Finding neighboring caves might not be all that easy. 😉

      • Hey, I just watched a pool makeover show and they made a cave with a shower in it :O anything is possible Johnny!

        I grew up next to bush and used to have a 2 [internal] level cave as a ‘shack’ aka somewhere to drink and smoke in. I had my first kiss in that cave! I guess we’re both going back to where we grew up :O

      • Like a muddy igloo! And you can be a Swamp Eskimo! God dammit my cave seems a bit boring in comparison now, maybe I should be a Swamp Eskimo too 😀

  4. I don’t know if “asshole” is the right word for this situation…I think you are being a little too harsh on yourself. Asshole is the guy who throws a vase at his mom and doesn’t even regret it (just met this client at work today). It’s the guy who has sex with a gal and doesn’t call/text the next day (I’ve met him before too). It’s also the guy who…well, I know you’re smart and you get the idea. I’m sure you’ve have had your asshole moments, just like I’ve had my bitchy moments, but nobody’s perfect, right?

    • It was an asshole move because I knew what she was looking for, just a tiny bit of reassurance of her importance, and I wouldn’t give it to her. Sure, I could say I was being honest but there’s a fine line between honest and cruel. Many bigger assholes than me use honesty as an excuse for cruelty. I’m not perfect, none of us are, but it seemed appropriate to make sure I show the good as well as the not so good here.

  5. But why give her reassurance if you aren’t feeling it?? That even more of a bigger dick move…Lying to someone’s face…I agree there is a fine line and you know that line…I guess that line is different for each of us and you are feeling some guilt and maybe that’s what you are struggling with….maybe?!?!

  6. I appreciate the honesty. Harsh, yes, but better than averting your eyes and saying, “of course honey I’d want you there too.” Just commented on another blog this morning about expectations and the guy I once dated who said he had none. He never gave me honesty, but he never really mislead me either. I mislead myself and so I got hurt in the end. Better to be honest so she can only hold herself responsible if she has misinterpreted you.

    We all have it in us to be “asshole” or “bitch”… it’s what makes us well-rounded. :p

    • Misleading ourselves is, I think, one of the most common reasons for pain in relationships. I’m certainly guilty of that myself at times. We set ourselves up to take the fall. But, ah, love, it’s hard not to let it blind us sometimes. I tell myself that being harsh to Stephanie is in the grand scheme of things a kindness, but at the same time I know it hurts her.

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