Australia: An unexpected and lazy day, b*tch


Since we’d gone to bed around five that morning after spending most of the night at the fetish club Vivian and I slept in late.

That morning/afternoon as I was making coffee, Vivian was catching up on the messages she’d missed while we’d been sleeping.  She read one and burst out laughing.

I brought over two steaming cups and asked her what was so funny.  She hesitated.

Don’t get mad, she said.

Um, okay.

She read a text she’d gotten from B that morning.  “That American guy kind of looked like your bitch last night.” Continue reading

Australia: The fetish club pt 3


Fetish club pt 1

Fetish club pt 2

We made the rounds at the fetish club, saying good night everyone that Vivian and F knew. There were even a few people I recognized as we were leaving.  There was a couple that I’d met a little earlier at D’s house and C was tying a woman on stage.  A few days earlier she’d let me watch as Sharn tied her.  I waved as we were walking out but C didn’t seem to recognize me without my clothes on.

I could tell Vivian was worn out, she’d been going non-stop all day and it was past midnight.   Mentally, I made a note, when we get home she needs a break before we fall asleep.

As we were walking out of the club I did a cartoon style double-take.  A pretty woman in a sexy Santa outfit was under one of the suspension points on the main floor of the club.  She lifted her skirt, revealing a rope harness, then suspended herself from the point.  In a neat acrobatic feat she flipped upside down and started tying her own legs.  It was impressive. Continue reading

Australia: The fetish club pt 2


Fetish Club pt 1

We arrived at the club, music thumping through the walls and stripped out of our outer-wear in the entrance.  Half naked people wandered in and out of the club.  I felt a few twinges as I got almost entirely naked, handing my clothes over, but I was committed to seeing where this evening would take me.  Tight boxers, suspenders, and slippers.  Not much left to the imagination.

We got stamped and walked through the door.  As I looked around the darkened room my pervading thought was: “Wow, I might be the most scantily clad guy here.”  Almost all the other guys were wearing black street clothes.  Why hadn’t anyone told me a black t-shirt and black jeans would have been “fetish” enough to get in the door?  Oh well, it was too late to change at that point and once the clothes were off the cat was out of the bag, so to speak.  (As the evening progressed I did see a few more guys wearing as little as I was.  We were in the minority though.) Continue reading

Australia: The fetish club pt 1


One of the things about the Australia that I was looking forward to with equal parts excitement and nervousness was a trip to the fetish club.  Both Sharn and Vivian are very active in one of the local Sydney clubs, I was pretty sure I’d end up there at least once.  There aren’t many things that make me uncomfortable but I’m not a fan of crowds, loud (bad) music, places where I don’t know many people, I like my personal space, and I can sometimes be a bit shy.  In short, I’m a pretty classic introvert.  There was no part of going to a “fetish club” that was going to be comfortable for me but at the same time I was really curious.  So, I was torn.

I ended up going with Vivian on Boxing day (the day after Christmas for Americans).  Vivian had organized a raffle to raise money for a cancer charity that was going to be held at the club and she let me tag along.

That morning Vivian’s phone was dead.  She needed charge it before we went out since we weren’t sure when we’d be coming back.  She plugged it in.

Oh, what to do while we wait? Continue reading

Australia: Naked Christmas


Cern had stayed the night so I made breakfast for him, Sharn, and Vivian Christmas morning.  French toast, eggs, and sausage.  We didn’t eat until noon or so though as Vivian and I had developed the habit of playing in the morning.

I had managed to sneak in some Christmas shopping during the previous few days, so I had something for each of the women.  Sharn got a book that she had looked at when we’d been out together a few days earlier.  Vivian got a copy of one of my favorites.  If I’d realized Cern was going to be over that morning I’d have gotten something for him too, he had to settle for all the food he could eat.  Sharn gave me a Neil Gaiman book that we’d talked about.

Cern and Sharn left shortly after breakfast so Vivian and I had the place to ourselves for the rest of Christmas day.  (Well, actually, we had it to ourselves for the next four days as Sharn had been “kidnapped”, though we didn’t know that at the time.)

Thus commenced what Vivian called our “Naked Christmas”. Continue reading

Australia: Christmas Eve


Vivian had Christmas eve and day off, so that was the first significant time during the trip that we could spend the together uninterrupted.  That morning we took a leisurely couple hours playing before getting out of bed.  It was nice not to have to rush or feel bad about making her late for work.  Her hip was bothering her a bit but we managed to work around it pretty well.

A few days earlier, Vivian had asked me how I met Sharn.  I told her that I was a blogger and shared a link to this blog.  Afterwards, I asked her what she wanted to be called in future posts since I’d be writing about the visit.  Christmas Eve morning she decided on Vivian as her nom de plume.

I forget how the topic came up, but that morning Vivian also threatened to turn me into her Christmas tree for the year.  The previous Christmas Vivian had suspended B (who will come up a few times in these posts) upside down, wrapped her in Christmas lights, and inserted a lit candle into her.  Vivian showed me a photo she took of the “Christmas tree”, it was both erotic and artistic.  She threatened to buy a Santa hat and use me for her tree that year.  I wasn’t entirely opposed to that idea. Continue reading

Australia: the third night with Vivian


Vivan had to work the first week or so I was in Australia.  Fortunately, as the days passed we managed to get her out the door in the morning a bit earlier, maybe not on time but at least not an hour late like the first morning.

The third day I got a text from Vivian while she was at work asking if I liked steak.  Um, I’m a red-blooded, American male, steak is the largest food group.  Closely followed by beer, of course.  She liked to cook and wanted to make dinner.

I offered to get the wine.  Anything with “New Zealand” and “Pinot Noir” on the label, I was told.  I got one bottle as she suggested, then found a Shiraz to show her one that I liked.

Being the helpful individual I am, I offered to help Vivian in the kitchen when she got home with a bag full of groceries.  Yeah, I got a big “No!” from her.  She is very possessive of the kitchen when she’s cooking, so I stood outside the imaginary divide and watched her work. Continue reading

Australia: Second night with Vivian


**I wasn’t planning on writing about every day with Vivian but there were at least a couple fun/funny notes from each day.  I suppose I could do some sort of “Best of” post and just hit the highlights but then those notes would lose their context, which is half of what makes them amusing.  So, sit back and enjoy lots and lots of context.**

I almost felt bad for Vivian as she left for work that first morning.  Neither of us had gotten any sleep.  Notice how I said “almost”?  Yeah, that night had been way too pleasant to regret, though I wasn’t the one that had to work all day.  I took a lazy day, bumming around the apartment.

That evening Cern came over to hang out with Sharn.  There’s something almost strange about meeting people in real life after reading about them.  Maybe it’s just me but my imagination always creates these mythical characters and when I meet them I have to reconcile what’s in my head with the person standing in front of me.  It’s not a bad thing, it’s just interesting.

Cern was a lot like most of the Australian guys I met, someone I’d be happy to get a beer with.  Nice, laid back, and easy to talk to.  He actually brought beer, so we had a few together.  I got to see him and Sharn together, they were pretty cutesy. Continue reading

Taking a breather


You’ll have to forgive the break from trip posts for a moment, it’s been a crazy few days.

Sometimes the universe just slaps you in the face.  You could say it’s a sign from God, Allah, Yahweh, whoever/whatever, but as an agnostic I like the idea of the great unknown and “the universe” is a nice, ambiguous way to put it.

The problem with these proverbial slaps is that they don’t come with instructions or a convenient moral at the end.  There’s no sky banner saying “That’s what you get for XYZ, asshole!”, or “Don’t forsake love for the better job in Denver!”, or whatever the applicable lesson should be.  We just get bitch slapped and left wondering why.

Since returning from Australia I’ve had a series of unlucky, unfortunate events.  At first, it was a few minor things not that far out of the ordinary but the magnitude and frequency of these events kept increasing.  I went from thinking that maybe I was having a string of bad luck to thinking that the universe was trying to tell me something in an incredibly awkward and increasingly painful way.  Whatever the lesson is, I’m not learning it quick enough. Continue reading

Australia: Vivian


If you read the post about the big freaking spider you know I need to introduce Vivian.  Well, it’s more than just that one, pretty much every important story from Australia revolves around her.  When I’m on a trip I like to take notes about the little details that really make the moments, the specific words used, the order of the actions, and I have to say that my notes about my first night with Vivian are quite amusing.  It’s a condensed version of the following story and it makes me smile a lot to read the notes, remember, and write about it.

When I arrived in Australia, staying with Sharn for two weeks, it became apparent that she was going to be quite a bit busier with Cern than she originally thought.  She suggested that I spend a bit more time with her roommate, Vivian.  Well, she actually said that Vivian had told her that the only reason I was staying with them was to torture her.  She also said that if I was going to spend more time with Vivian to be careful with her, that she hadn’t had an easy year.

Vivian hadn’t been around a whole lot until that point, we’d had a few short conversations but that was about it.  She was cute, fun, and could hold a good conversation but I didn’t really know much about her.  I decided that should change.  (Just so you know, she’s read some of this blog and chose her own pseudonym for these posts.) Continue reading