This morning I kind of gave Ann an ultimatum. I felt like we were in relationship limbo and couldn’t stand it anymore. I told her I wanted to figure out a way to move forward, I was sitting at the negotiating table and needed to know whether she was going to sit down or walk away. She agreed to talk about it over the phone this evening. She wrote A short list of desires about what she wants and what she needs. At the end of the post you can see her internal tug-of-war over the our discussion.
All day I was sweating, I knew what was going to happen.
Ann was going to do the right thing and dump me.
I totally deserved it. If you read her post My Biggest Heart Break, you’ll know that just before their marriage her ex dumped her, they got back together but she was devastated and she never looked at him the same. She regretted not listening to her gut and leaving him then, she never wanted to make that mistake again. Continue reading
Three nights ago I had a strange dream. I was chatting with Ann and suddenly all the words turned into gibberish. I’d try to write something and it wouldn’t make any sense, she would respond with something that doesn’t make any sense. “Purple rhinoceros box kicked flute”. The dream was so vivid that I was absolutely positive that when I checked my phone in the morning it would show evidence that I’d been sleep texting all night. There wasn’t.
Last night I was chatting with Ann and we reached a special place. We both bared everything, exchanging really long messages and stories. We were full of humility, understanding, and forgiveness. It felt we finally found common ground and really connected again on a deeper level. It felt really, really good.
Then I woke up. My phone was empty.
I can’t help but think that my subconscious was trying to give me a clue. It’s as though there were special words in the dream that would make everything better if I could just remember them, but like all dreams as soon as I woke up the words got all blurry.