Visiting Ann: the kind-of threesome

**I recently returned from spending ten fantastic days with Ann St Vincent.  These posts about the visit aren’t going to be in any specific order, there is too much to write on too many topics.  So, don’t look at these like one long story, they are more like post cards or snap shots from a fantastic trip.**

Warning: this is a very unsexy post.  Very unsexy.  In fact, it’s probably the least sexy post every written about a “threesome”.  It’s probably also the most awkward post I’ll ever write.  I’m sorely tempted to simply skip it and let Ann say her piece, but with the high value I place on open, painful, base honesty it seems disingenuous to commit that sin of omission.  So, here we go.

Ann and I have had some pretty frank conversations about sex and fantasies.  I’m a pretty vanilla guy when it comes to what I like.  I’m easy to please, if Ann plays with my penis I’m a happy guy.  However, I might not be driven toward any fetishes but I’m pretty damn open to trying them out.  How will you ever know what you like until you try it?

Several times during those conversations Ann told me about her fantasy to have a male-female-male threesome, specifically with double penetration.  Yeah, I can’t say that one was on my bucket list but, what the hell, I figured I’d give it a shot if that’s something she really wanted.  I was coming for a visit and she already knew another guy who would happily take part, Jason, so we went ahead and set it up.

She was so excited that she had a dream about the possible threesome (My Threesome with Johnny Id).

A few days into my trip with Ann was the big night.

Let’s just say that my downward spiral started about 24 hours earlier.  I had been feeling funny and hardly gotten any sleep the night before.  I even wrote a post, Up at Dumbass-late (looking back at that post now, I can tell how off I was feeling).  I’m pretty in-tune with my body, when I’m not feeling right then something is definitely going on.  I should have listened to what my body was saying.

A couple hours before Jason was due to arrive I laid down for a nap, hoping it would help.

I woke up from the nap feeling more rested but not actually any better.  I still felt off, unwell, and had a headache.  Ann, who was totally gracious throughout the whole experience, offered to cancel the date.  I told her I wasn’t feeling great but that I still wanted to give it a shot, I wanted to make her fantasy come true.  Feeling crappy?  A little nervous?  Suck it up, buddy.

That’s when I started drinking.  The first couple drinks gave me that fake, happy, confident feeling.  The drinking didn’t actually improve anything but helped mask it.  What the hell, if a couple drinks helped, a couple more would be even better, right?

Now, I wasn’t drunk, far from it, but I had a good buzz going by the time Jason arrived.   He was a fairly quiet guy, slightly taller and bigger than me, but kind of dorky in an indefinable way.  He was totally nonthreatening, which eased of mind a bit.  He was kind of like those big kids that still get chosen last for dodge-ball, all elbows and knees, full of nervous energy, eager to please, and totally inoffensive.

We only had limited time, so we had to kind of work fast.

I expected Ann would be the director in this particular performance, the two of us males would be players to be directed.  That was not the case.  As we started to get frisky Ann seemed to get a case of the nerves, so I actually had to be something of an aggressor in this threesome that wasn’t my idea, otherwise risk it going stagnant which would make a fairly awkward situation even worse.  As we started messing around, getting naked and physical, I found myself directing far more of the action than I expected.

Ok, we’re doing this, it’s happening, no big deal, let’s give Ann a nice night.

I had joked with Ann before Jason arrived that I was up for the threesome as long as his cock wasn’t bigger than mine.  I think I got a kind of nervous laugh out of Ann with that one.  He was bigger, not significantly but noticeably.  Surprisingly, that didn’t really bother me.  He was a bigger dude than me, we were both proportionate with our body frames as far as I was concerned (and as long as Ann likes my cock, who gives a fuck?).

As we were getting physical I notice something strange going on with my nether regions.  Or, rather, I noticed things not going on with my nether regions, which was very strange.  My cock was 100% uninterested in the festivities.  Not even a little bit.  No reaction whatsoever.  I tried every trick I could think of, nothing worked.

Jason didn’t have any problems.

I can’t imagine a more frustrating situation.  Ann was riding Jason on the edge of the bed, we’re all positioned for the double penetration, the time has come… and I’m totally flaccid.  Fuck.

failed threesome s

Watching another dude have sex with your girlfriend while the three of you are engaged in a threesome?  Eh, I figured that wouldn’t be a problem for me.  Watching another dude have sex with your girlfriend in a not-so-three-way?  That’s a little bit more difficult.  Some guys like watching their partner with another guy, I’m definitely not one of them and have never had any illusions otherwise.

Of all the ways the threesome could have gone wrong, me not being able to get it up had never, never crossed my mind.

Now, I can say that it had never happened to me before, but that’s what all the guys it happens to say, right?  But seriously, I can only remember a couple times in my entire life that my cock couldn’t perform and they were only when I was so drunk I shouldn’t have been screwing anyway.  But this time I wasn’t drunk, only slightly buzzed.  I had no idea what was going on but it was intensely frustrating, embarrassing, and humbling.

At that point, the situation was already awkward (for me at least), it would have only made the situation worse and awkward for everyone if I made a big deal out of it.  So, I helped out from behind in what limited ways I could.

Thankfully, he was on the bottom and otherwise engaged.  It would have been a lot worse for me if he was watching me struggle and fail to get hard.  As it was, I’m not sure he ever even really noticed.

When our time limit was up he got up and left.  He didn’t even get a chance to cum but he was pretty laid back about the whole situation.  When he left he even told Ann to fuck me good.

Unfortunately, my condition didn’t improve after he left, my cock was absolutely unresponsive.  I was totally uninterested in sex, suddenly feeling really sorry for myself, totally emasculated and humiliated, and didn’t even want to be touched.

I started to really freak the fuck out, I wanted to be left alone to drown in my sorrows.  Ann went to bed, I went downstairs and drank until I fell asleep on her couch.

I want to be clear here, I wasn’t freaking out because I had just watched Ann having sex with another guy.  I told her that wasn’t the case before going downstairs and it was true.  I mean, it was a little awkward but I knew what would be happening when I volunteered for the situation, it was my own physical and mental reactions that were freaking me out.  There was something going on with me, tripping me the fuck out physically and mentally, and I didn’t know what the hell it was.

Ann had work early the next morning.  I had fallen asleep on the couch after drinking and woke up when she came down.  We had a brief conversation before she left but I was hungover and my head was still all fucked up and dark.   She left really worried about me and thinking that the failed threesome might have really screwed things up for us.

A couple hours later, I figured out what the hell had happened.  I drank some coconut water to help with the hangover and suddenly I felt totally fine.  My head did a 180 from fucked up, angry, depressed, freaked out to everything was good in the world.  I even went for a run.  I texted Ann at work and told her we were completely good and I knew exactly what had happened.

My mom has a condition that messes with her blood sugar levels, she calls it hypoglycemia.  I’m not going to pretend to understand it but it means her body doesn’t process sugar and insulin properly, causing larger fluctuations than normal.  It’s not the same as diabetes, it’s not that serious, but I think it’s somewhat similar.

I’ve never been tested for the condition but I’ve known for a while that I need to pay close attention to what I’m putting in my body.  Too much sugar, not enough sugar, and it starts fucking with my head.  Bad.  I actually stopped drinking regular sodas a couple years ago when I figured out that their high sugar content led to irrational temper tantrums a couple hours later.

For the previous 48 hours my body had been telling me that my blood-sugar levels were fucked up.  I should have realized it when I hadn’t been able to sleep the night before.  I’d also been drinking more over the past 48 hours than usual, not a ton but enough to make an already volatile situation worse.

Alcohol directly affects the body’s metabolism in several negative ways.  So, if a body is already sensitive to blood sugar fluctuations drinking alcohol, even in small amounts, can lead to problems.

Medicinenet.com:

“Alcohol can also negatively impact blood sugar levels each time that it is consumed, regardless of the frequency of consumption. Research has shown that acute consumption increases insulin secretion, causing low blood sugar (hypoglycemia), and can also impair the hormonal response that would normally rectify the low blood sugar. Drinking as little as 2 ounces of alcohol on an empty stomach can lead to very low blood sugar levels.”

The coconut water had a lot of electrolytes (for the hangover) but it also had a lot of carbohydrates, which was what my body had been craving.  As soon as I drank it I felt infinitely better and knew exactly what had happened the night before.

Basically, I’d had a major, major sugar crash at exactly the wrong time.

All the stress, frustration, awkwardness, emasculation, the ruined threesome, the scare I gave Ann, all due to fucked up sugar levels exacerbated by alcohol.  I was completely embarrassed, both at my failure to give Ann her fantasy and with my own mental breakdown afterwards.

It would be easy to just say that, “Oh, well it was just the sugar thing”, but that’s only part of the story.  I’m sure it was a combination of lack of sleep, sugar, alcohol, and not being super enthusiastic about the threesome anyway (we’d also had sex twice already that day, which probably also didn’t help).  I didn’t pay enough attention to my body, I was too full of male bravado to admit I wasn’t feeling up to it, I handled the whole situation poorly and made everything worse.

And not being able to get my dick hard was fucking embarrassing enough, sugar or no sugar.

Ann was relieved that it wasn’t something she and/or Jason had done.  I was relieved that I wasn’t going crazy and my cock wasn’t broken (we tested it out as soon as she got home from work and everything was fine).

Figuring out the problem really opened my eyes to the seriousness of my own physical situation, which is really valuable as I move forward with my life.  Yes, absolutely a valuable lesson that will undoubtedly serve me well in the future.  I just wish the lesson could have been learned in a less awkward, embarrassing, frustrating, and humbling way.

For the rest of the trip I was very careful about what I put into my body.  I paid much closer attention to how I was feeling and there weren’t any other problems.  The rest of the trip went extremely well and provided the inspiration for quite a few posts, many of which are still in the works.

All that said, I’m probably not going to be jumping at the opportunity for another threesome anytime soon.

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16 thoughts on “Visiting Ann: the kind-of threesome

  1. Damn, worst timing. Hope you’re feeling better 🙂 Positive spin – at least you now know to watch your sugar levels a bit more carefully, and you’ve been involved enough in the threesome to realise you in fact aren’t very interested in it.

    I totally understand your predicament though. I once had just started seeing this girl, it was my first night staying at her place. Her roomies didn’t know she was into girls (and she wasn’t keen to tell them) so we did the whole hang out in the lounge room drinking wine as friends thing then oh oops I can’t drive home thing. Well the wine part was a bit *too* fun it seems, I passed out in her bed. The next morning I woke up with a cold sweat, dizzy and my heart was beating fast and erratically. I ended up somehow driving home and long story short, I had some tests done – apparently my heart doesn’t react well to stimulants anymore (maybe she was the stimulant that time?) and the doc said I shouldn’t drink coffee anymore nooooooooooo!!! 😥 but now I know its something I have to watch so in that respect, I’m glad it happened. Just baaaad timing!

    • Like I said, it’s a valuable lesson, I just wish I’d learned it at an easier time and place. Of all the nights to freak out, that was absolutely one of the worst. Cock blocked by sugar, that’s got to be a first.

      Thanks for sharing the story, it makes me feel a little better about posting my own. Cock blocked (figuratively) by alcohol and stimulants, that’s got to suck. And must have been frustrating and kind of scary at the same time.

      Like you said, it’s good it happened. Just baaaad timing!

      • Hahaha cock blocked by sugar! See, anything unusual makes for an interesting story 😉

        The great thing about the worlds population size is that any possible scenario has happened to someone else, living or dead, I dare say guaranteed (well *exact* places and people involved of course would differ). Either way, it’s a comforting thought 🙂

  2. Dude, as much as the timing sucks, don’t beat yourself up about it. Things happen, and honestly? Most of the times, threesomes and the like are awkward, *especially* your first one with a lover. Especially if it’s not the kind of thing you’re in to. I think you handled your end admirably and I am glad you discovered what caused the breakdown!

  3. Pingback: What my boyfriend has to say about all this | ann st vincent
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  5. From a swinger’s standpoint, it’s not at all uncommon for new guys to have problems getting it up. I don’t know if it’s performance anxiety or having to perform in a crowd but you definitely are not alone. For example it’s not uncommon to get a blow job at a party, with people all around you and it takes a few times until you can forget about them and focus on the job at hand.

    I’d say try it again and don’t drink as that never helps. You’re going to love DPing your girlfriend as it feels so good for everyone involved. Maybe you should enlist another guy to plug up her mouth to keep her from screaming. LOL

    • From my perspective, what I quickly learned was that you should focus on your partner and not the new person. In my case I tended to spend too much attention on the new girl which in retrospect, makes your partner feel that you want sex with the other person more than your partner. Once I started with wifey before the other girl, things went much better. If it’s a MFM threesome, then likewise make sure that you don’t give her/him any negative vibs. For me the easiest thing to do is try and picture my wife as just some other girl that we’ve picked up to tag team. If she sees that I’m comfortable with everything then she’s more likely to be comfortable with it.

      After being in the Lifestyle for awhile, it quickly ceases to be an issue and both of you enjoy the threesome without worrying about the other person.

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