Visiting Ann

The ten days I just spent with Ann St Vincent were probably ten of the best days of my life.  It was truly an amazing, wonderful, beautiful time with her.  Our last night together we went to a tattoo shop and I got a permanent reminder of this trip.

I don’t know how other people view tattoos, but I see them like a book mark or a stamp in a passport.  What it is doesn’t matter as much as when, where, and who I got it with.  Being in Ann’s city, at the end of a fantastic trip, with Ann at my side was what mattered.  It could have been a terrible butterfly tattoo (it isn’t) because it’s the memories and experiences it represents that are important.  It’s a reminder of those ten days that I will carry with me forever.  There are very few certainties in life, we never know what tomorrow will bring, but this is a way for me to mark an amazing experience that I not only want to never forget, but want to be constantly reminded of.  Ink and memories may fade but I know this tattoo will always make me smile.

As wonderful as those ten days were, as with all good things, they came to an end.

I was feeling pretty down last night, arriving “home” to an empty condo and reality.  After being in heaven for the past ten days it made my reality seem so much more stark and barren in comparison.  I was missing Ann the second that I stepped onto a plane to leave her.  Rather than submitting all of you and myself to a morose, love lorn post last night I needed to write something a bit more silly, Visiting Ann: Big Red .

For those of you that haven’t noticed already, humor is my go-to defense mechanism.  Usually, the more I focus on being funny the more serious it is.  So, I joke about the relationship and situation with Ann because the reality is that she is everything to me.  I’m totally smitten with her, devastated that I’m not with her, and frustrated by the distance and complications.  So I make jokes and write posts about ridiculously large butt plugs.  Is that a healthy reaction?  I don’t know, but it gets me through the lonely nights.

I have done a lot of writing over the past 24 hours and have pages of notes about things to write, drawings and stories, some of which will probably be written up but remain between Ann and I, others will go up here.   They aren’t in any particular order, like Big Red before this post, they’re just snap shots or post cards from an amazing trip.  I have some silly posts, make jokes, but that underlying all of that is a whole lot of real emotion.  I would be moping and feeling sorry for myself right now if I wasn’t trying so terribly hard to laugh.

There are plenty of complications and a vast distance between us, but I can always look down at the ink in my skin, relive the memories, and smile.  With how amazing our time spent together is, I know it won’t be long before we’re together again.  It will all work out the way it’s meant to.

visiting ann 1




9 thoughts on “Visiting Ann

  1. I’m in the Doctors waiting room for my post-surgery check-up and now I’m smiling like a total goofball. This is beautiful and the cartoons are great – although my son was not afraid of you and you played together 🙂

  2. I use sarcasm and humor when I’m in any situation. It’s a huge defense mechanism of mine too. We had lay offs at my old job and when they had us in a meeting, our whole team was making wildly inappropriate jokes to keep from being depressed.
    “So now our team will fit in one car…”
    “Hey, now we don’t have to order extra shirts!…”

  3. Pingback: What my boyfriend has to say about all this | ann st vincent

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