The Art of Seduction pt 5

Alright, so you’ve sent the girl of your dreams a photo of your cock (The Art of Seduction pt 1).  You’ve sent her an amazing first email (The Art of Seduction pt 2).   You’ve gotten dressed and ready for your first date (The Art of Seduction pt 3).  You’ve chosen the location for your first date (The Art of Seduction pt 4).

So, you’ve gotten ready and are headed to your first date.  Don’t forget your wallet!  This will be important later.

Before you leave the house, review your date’s online profile.  Take notes on the highlights, interests, dislikes, and any quirks.  That will help keep you from getting her mixed up with all the other women on dating sites that you’ve been chatting with.  You definitely don’t want to get BDSMon.myA$$666 confused with PeaceLoveandHarmony03.  Take down the notes on small, discrete cards that are easily concealed.

You show up to the location you picked out.  You walk inside, glance around, and don’t recognize anyone.  You send her a text and a stranger at the bar checks her phone.  She doesn’t look anything like her profile photos.

What do you do?  First off, don’t freak out.  Pretend you didn’t even notice.  She’ll be so relieved that she will be more willing to overlook all the things that you lied about on your profile.

You get your table and walk over.  Hold the chair for her, it’ll make her loins tingle.  Be nice, compliment her frequently.

Once you sit down, if you aren’t actively complimenting her don’t talk.  Imagine a scale from 1 to 100, those are your odds of getting laid.  Every time you say something that isn’t a compliment, imagine your chance at sex dropping rapidly.  You have to play the strong, silent type or risk her realizing how messed up you are.  And women love to talk, it shouldn’t be difficult to keep your mouth shut.

Don’t take big bites of your meal.  Small, dainty, easy to chew bites are preferable.  That way if she asks you a question, it isn’t too awkward to give a one word answer within a few seconds.  One word answers are best.  If she looks at you like she’s expecting more, ask her a question instead.  Get her talking about herself.

If you hit an awkward silence, pull out the notes you took on her profile and ask a question about one of her interests.  Try not to let her notice you checking the notes, maybe check them in the bathroom or something.  Repeat if necessary.

When the check comes, and this is important, YOU PAY.  That’s one of two reasons why it’s so important to remember your wallet.  By paying you get some leverage later in the evening when you’re negotiating for sex.  And, believe me, it’s always a negotiation.  The second reason is because that’s where you keep your condoms.

ALWAYS walk her to her vehicle after dinner.  This is important for two reasons; one, it makes her feel like you’re a gentleman; two, it gives you more opportunity to work your way into her panties.

Finally, you’ve reached the end of the date without embarrassing yourself (too much).  You are in that almost awkward moment by her car, or by her front door, she’s looking at you with those gorgeous, fuck-me eyes… Go for the kiss.  Try to be mediocre, not pushy but not too weak either.  Maybe a little tongue, but not too much.  Your goal here is to be ‘good enough’.

Then she pulls away to say good night/good bye.  If you want to get laid, don’t let her.  Interrupt her, distract her, whatever you’ve got to do to keep her from closing out the night.  Drop your keys, women are attracted to shiny objects.  Remind her how you paid for dinner and suggest a night cap (ALWAYS a euphemism for sex).  If she looks like she might accept, rip off your clothes to show her how you feel about her.

AOS pt 5 s

No!  You can’t leave yet!  I’ll die if I don’t get at least a BJ!

If all else fails, beg.  It’s not manly, but women have strong maternal instincts.  If you act like a child she’ll be more inclined to take pity on you.  Fall to your knees, wrap your arms around her legs, and start bawling about how you won’t be able to live if she doesn’t fuck you.  Tell her how beautiful she is.  Crawl halfway into the door so she can’t close it and get away.  Be persistent.

If necessary, make a big scene.  Cry loudly, be big and embarrassing, maybe throw in some wailing.  She will reach a point where it’s not worth the hassle and will just give in.  One way or the other, eventually her resolve will crumble and she will spread her legs and give you access to those heavenly gates.


Stay tuned for The Art of Seduction pt 6: how to fuck your way into a second date.

2 thoughts on “The Art of Seduction pt 5

  1. thank goodness none of that shit has ever worked on me 😀
    You forget to tell the guys about body odor and foul-breath. Smelling like soured onion burritos or having ashtray mouth – YOU ARE KO’D.
    The first thing that will turn me into a pile of mush is eye contact when we meet, if that’S followed by non-sweaty hands and decent conversation that doesn’t involve any of your exes or prison time, we are pretty golden. The perfect way to get laid is knowing how to kiss. Slobbering doggy kisses don’t work nor do weak cold lips. Don’t mutter and shrug, act confident!!!
    Hope you and Ann are going strong, can’t wait for the stories!

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