I hadn’t planned on writing a part two but a couple readers seemed interesting in reading more, and one of them posed some interesting questions. So, I decided to write some more and see where it went.
In the last post I talked about some of the physical and mental aspects of sex, but what about everything that leads up to the actual act? What are turn ons? What are ways to seduce your spouse/partner (you should always be trying to seduce your partner)? How do you make them feel special?
I haven’t consciously thought about those things in a while, they’re things that we just do, not necessarily things that we put much thought into. Or, at least, I don’t. Most of this post will be pretty subjective, every person is different.
To me, one of the most important parts of a healthy sex life is making your partner feel appreciated. It’s such a simple, small thing, but it has a huge impact on having a happy, healthy relationship. A happy, healthy relationship is key to having a happy, healthy sex life. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander, or vice versa, if you know what I’ll mean.
For those of you following us, you’ve probably noticed that I go out of my way pretty regularly to do/say something nice about Ann. I want her to feel special and appreciated all the time… which leads to a healthy sex life (or as much as it’s possible to have one in a long distance relationship).
The way that I learned how to treat my spouse/lover/partner/woman/girlfriend (you get the idea), came from my father and my now ex-father-in-law.
My dad is a super laid back, down to earth, quiet, chill dude. He’s definitely not the kind of guy that goes for big, romantic gestures -hot air balloons and roses- but he is the King of small gestures, all the little day-to-day things that made my mom feel loved. For example, when the weather was bad in the winter he would let my mom drive his 4×4 truck and he would take her car because she had to drive further to work. The next morning when she got in her car she would find that he had cleaned it out, washed the windows, and filled the gas tank (and if needed, would change the oil). This was never asked for, expected, or even spoken about, it was just something that my dad did every single time to make her smile. Those were the kind of things that my dad was always doing, maybe not big gestures, but dozens of little ones every day.
When Cat and I told our parents that we were getting married, her father told me that before I could get his blessing we had to go hunting together (we’ll call him James). I should also mention this is the same guy that was in biker gangs and had an affinity for large guns. He could frequently be found walking around town with a .44 magnum on his hip, we had very strong open-carry laws at home. Although intimidated, I agreed to go. It turns out, James wasn’t taking me into the woods to make me disappear, he wanted to pass on some of the things he had learned in his marriages. His early marriage hadn’t lasted long but he learned the lessons and his second had been good for over twenty years.
First, James told me that no matter what, no matter the argument or situation, just tell her I was wrong and say I’m sorry. Period. End of story. Wrong or right, not important, keeping the wife happy definitely important. Second, we were walking along a river bed, he picked up a rock and told me he was going to bring it back to his wife. Why a rock, I asked. James said, “it doesn’t matter what it is, it just shows that no matter where I was, I was thinking about her.” I thought that was stupid at the time, now I find it pretty insightful.
Between those two men, I learned that lots of nice little things add up into something really special. I also learned not to sweat the little bad things, the little arguments, to let them go and move on. While those might not sound like huge, important lessons, my parents have been together for well over thirty years and James’ has been happily married for more than twenty five years. Both couples are ridiculously cute too, sickeningly so.
As little as I want to think about this… I’m sure they have very healthy sex lives despite their advancing ages. Haven taken their lessons on relationships, all of mine have been happy, healthy, and filled with sex. So, while this post isn’t directly about sex, it’s about having the kind of relationship that is healthy in all respects, mentally, emotionally, and sexually.