I put up the first post earlier, are all of you ready for the second of my “Search Terms: What kind of creep are you” posts? Are you as excited about this as I am? Probably not, but then I’m not all that excited either. Scared? Creeped out? Really curious? Most definitely.
I think this person was looking for phone sex but couldn’t type. What the hell is a “phode” and how do you have sex with one? And why google “phone sex”, if that’s what they were trying to do? Were they looking for a phone sex hotline? If so, I would think there would be better search terms to use, though judging by the spelling and punctuation this was probably a really drunk, horny guy. Well, hopefully he enjoyed Phone Sex.
“Sex advice for women redbook”
I was really curious what this person was looking for. Sex advice for women, alright, but I was a little confused by the “redbook” part… until I actually googled “redbook”. I hadn’t realized that there was a woman’s magazine called “Redbook” until I did the search. Great. Well, she probably ended up on my Sex Advice post, which is really all anyone should ever need. I’d also like to mention that calling a magazine “Redbook” is pretty stupid, it’s a magazine, not a book.
“Christian singles advertising on hgtv”
This probably led to my Christian Mingle post, though I’m not sure how flattering that is for me. How much do I want to be associated with a christian dating site or advertising? And if that’s what they were looking for, I imagine they were pretty disappointed when the clinked on the link to my post mocking the christian dating site. And why HGTV?
“I was a big slut but I’m not anymore”
This probably came from the Why I’m not a slut… anymore post. I get that. It’s strange that it’s that led them here though, there must be hundreds of thousands of results for a search like that. At least it’s in the same realm of what the post was about, unlike the christian ones.
“Is there an emoticon for horny?”
Emoticon cyber sex. ‘Nuf said. Though it tells me I’m not the only one that thinks there really needs to be an emoticon for horny.
I can only guess this person was looking for porn. More specifically, I think they were looking for a porno called “Fucks 2”. I have to say that would be a pretty unimaginative title for an adult film, though it is pretty straight forward. I mean, you’re not going to accidentally rent “Fucks 2” thinking it’s a drama or something.
“My ebay used sex toys”
Yes, I wrote a post about used sex toys on ebay, Used sex toys. My question is why would someone google “My ebay used sex toys”. Ok, a creepy, penny-pinching adult might google “used sex toys on ebay” to try and find some cheap toys, but why “My”? Has this person misplaced their sex toys and think that maybe they ended up on Ebay? Or they were drunk and put the toys up on ebay by accident? This doesn’t make any sense to me at all.
“closed relationship – images”
This is kind of an interesting term and probably led to my post, A closed relationship. Who searches for images of a closed relationship? I mean, what results would you get for a search like that? You’d probably get lots of pics of smiling, happy couples. Now, if that’s what the person was looking for, why did they click on a link to this blog? Hmmm.
“duck sexual war”
I laughed when I read this term. Hopefully, this was one of my readers that was looking for a specific post of mine, because otherwise what the heck were they looking for? If not my post on The Sex Wars of Ducks, why would anyone want to look for information on duck sexual wars?
“anyone need a cook or maid?”
When I first switched over to WordPress I wrote a post Chef, maid, and/or girlfriend wanted. It’s one of my all-time favorite posts. It’s not exactly what this searcher was looking for but maybe it gave her a smile.