I was reading a fascinating post the other night, Should we cut Men some slack, and it got some thoughts rolling around. Usually that’s not a good thing but this time I think it was. I left what I thought was an interesting comment… And then decided to write a post about a question the author posed.
She asks whether it’s true that nice guys finish last. I commented on that in my response to her but thought I could do a more thorough post here (some sentences are copied from my comment).
I’m going to qualify this because otherwise I’ll probably end up with hate mail- To a degree, nice guys do finish last. Did you see that, I said “to a degree”.
There are definitely some aspects to being a ‘nice guy’ that can sometimes make a guy seem less masculine, more a friend than a potential mate, and less successful at dating.
For example, typical gender roles would say that men are supposed to be fairly aggressive, loud, sex crazed, never talk about their feelings, insensitive, and vulgar. None of those are traits that would be associated with the “nice guy”. I think this can cause confusion during dating and relationships because sometimes when a woman sees a nice guy, who’s sensitive, who talks about feelings, who isn’t aggressive, she doesn’t think he’s interested in her sexually because he isn’t showing “typical” male behaviors. Or, she isn’t interested in him because he isn’t as aggressive as other guys. To a degree, we all want to be pursued, and sometimes a nice guy comes across as less assertive in his approach… which can turn some women off.
Sometimes this leads to some perfectly good men wallowing in the short end of the dating pool.
As embarrassing as this story is, I’ll use myself as an example here: Continue reading