The Date… dun dun dun

The date was pretty boring, went to a coffee shop and BSed for a while.  Then her place, the sex was pretty boring too.  All in all, it was a pretty boring night.  I could go into details but… it was boring. What would be the point?

Ok, back home. Did have sex but it was an otherwise unremarkable time, not much more interesting than just staying home. Not going to bother seeing her again. Hope you’re having a good morning.”

In hindsight, it’s not the most tactful message I could have sent Ann.  On the other hand, how exactly do you tell your partner that you got laid the night before?  Especially when you know it’s going to hurt her?

Yeah, boring night, boring sex and causing deep pain to my partner…  A lot of you readers are probably thinking, “Then why the fuck did you do it?”

date s Continue reading

Pre-Date… dun dun dun

Ladies, another honest post.  This is the back story for last Friday and Saturday evenings.

Leading up to the only date I had in our open relationship was a trying experience with Ann.

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Before our trip, Ann had a fairly decent rotation of lovers that she could call upon.  I didn’t.  In fact, I’d hardly been on a date over the previous year because I wasn’t interested in dating just for the sake of dating or getting laid.

This became somewhat problematic because we were in an open relationship, she could text someone and get laid… while I needed to actually go out and meet people, which isn’t one of my strengths.

Almost as soon as she was back to her normal life after our vacation together Ann exercised her rights in the open relationship.  From later conversations, this encounter seemed to bother her emotionally but it wasn’t the last time she exercised those rights.

As she so humorously posted about, she even asked me about a possible MFM threesome a guy was trying to arrange for her in an unbalanced conversation. Continue reading

A Closed Relationship

Ok, ladies.  You wanted honesty after my last post, here you go:

So, after only a month or so of being in our open relationship Ann and I have decided to close it.

I originally suggested the open relationship because Ann and I were still pretty new and being monogamous in a long distance relationship can be problematic.  Ann is also freshly out of her Marriage, so she’s a lot closer to her “sowing wild oats”  phase than I am.  Forcing her to be monogamous so early in the relationship would have been a terrible idea, especially since she so quickly enjoyed the benefits of being open after our trip together.

So, we tried out being open, but it was obviously creating friction between Ann and I when I used my benefits (which should be pretty apparent if you’ve read her blog over the past few days).

For me, being in a closed relationship is fairly easy since I’ve been divorced for years already.  I had my fun, now my sex drive waxes and wanes depending on my partner, no good partner means very little sex drive.  Good partner and we can fuck for days on end.  So, only having sex every 3-4 months when Ann and I see each other shouldn’t be a problem for me.

And yet… I’m more nervous for our relationship now than I was before. Continue reading

A Private Conversation

Recently, I find myself in a bit of a sticky situation.

I’m an extremely controlled, private person.  I compartmentalize my life, personal, work, writing, family, etc… each has it’s own clearly defined place, extremely specific and isolated.  The parts don’t mix, there’s no overlap.  And I almost never discuss personal things in public, or even in private usually.  Private thoughts stay private.

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The reason that I started blogging was so that I could express, discuss and write about all those inner most thoughts and feelings safely and honestly.  I made this blog as anonymous as possible so that I could say absolutely anything without worrying that anyone in my real life might find out about it.   There are no links between my real life and this blog.

But things have changed over the last few months. Continue reading

Friday the 13th

Wow, today has capped off a rough couple of days.  The last few days I was half way across the country on business, jet lagged, having stressful meetings with various corporate bosses, and experiencing some chaffing in my long distance relationship with Ann.

Today, was the ridiculously early flight from way over there to way over here.  I was up at 5:30 in the morning, had to skip breakfast to make it to the airport early, was frustrated by the overwhelming construction efforts around the airport that required three loops around said airport to find the proper road to drop off the rental car, ten hours of travel time during which no meals were served (why thank you penny-pinching airlines, I want my money back), then arrived in my home state just in time for rush hour traffic.

I’m seriously jet-lagged, exhausted, my blood sugar is microscopic, pissed off, home alone with no food in the fridge (just came back from the trip), Ann is “out” and can’t talk (which I’m pretty sure is her polite way of saying she’s “otherwise occupied” for the evening), and all I want to do is get a complication-free BJ or crawl under a table somewhere with a bottle of Jack Daniels and cry myself to sleep.  Or both, get the BJ and then crawl under a table somewhere with a bottle of Jack Daniels and cry myself to sleep.

Or get in a fight.

drunk johnny s Continue reading

Naked Thursday #9

For all of you noobs, you can read the explanation and previous posts on the Naked Thursday page.

Some things aren’t so great to do on Naked Thursday but other things work out surprisingly well.

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One of the things that actually works out well is having your portrait painted.

You’ve always been a fan of the dignity and poise of a wonderful portrait painting.  Now, it’s time to dust off that calendar and get one scheduled for Thursday! Continue reading

Sex Advice

Has anyone else noticed that most sex advice columns are total bullshit?  Sure, they might sound like they have a clue what they’re talking about, but once you dig a little bit you realize they’re full of shit and just regurgitating the same advice they read on another bullshit site.

For example, (I’ve chopped it down for readability without changing the content too much, you can verify by reading the original here.  I’m not calling out that site specifically, but this type of advice. **Edit, the site has since been removed but I’m too lazy to find another bullshit sex advice column and they’re pretty much all the same anyway**.) here is some advice provided on an actual relationship and sex advice blog here on WordPress:

Ways to spice up your now boring sex life:

1. Dress up. It is so fun to dress up and get into character. Be creative and daring. You have the maid, cops and robber, dirty teacher, sexy stripper, handyman, etc. 

2. Candles and bubbles. You and your partner can take a nice cozy bubble bath with candles throughout the bathroom. 

3. Games.  Playing games in the bedroom is another way to bring some excitement and fun into the relationship.  There are sexy adult games in adult novelty stores or you can make up your own.

Ok, those don’t sound so terrible, do they?  Those tips might help a bored couple spice up their sex life, right?  Then why am I saying that advice is retarded?  Because it is. Continue reading

An Apology to my Dick

We’ve all been there, where you got caught up in the moment and later you’re wondering what the fuck you just did.  I’ve had a couple of those and it really makes me feel sorry for myself… or at least part of myself.

After my first year of college I wasn’t in a very healthy place.  My long distance relationship had just fallen apart and I’d dropped out of school.  I was pretty down and just needed something to perk me up a bit… preferably something warm, wet and tight.

The lead singer of my band and I invited a couple of groupies over to our place.  They weren’t specifically our groupies, just a couple of girls that went to all the local shows and were generally passed around by the various bands.  “Band Aids”, I think they were called in Almost Famous.

One of them, we’ll call her Brandy, had made it obvious a couple of times that she was into me but I’d been in the long distance relationship.  That, and she was kind of gross.  She was one of those young women that was constantly drinking, doing drugs and having sex with band members.  Her bed was like a revolving door with tattooed, drugged-out musicians constantly cumming and going.  Why would I want my dick anywhere near her?

Well, I was upset over my recent break up, I was drinking a lot, and Brandy was easily available.  All of the reasons not to have sex with her were fading away with each drink. As it got later, I got more drunk and horny.  Finally, I went over to her.

“Nice shoes… wanna fuck?” I asked.  I said it in a joking manner and she looked at me all confused. Continue reading

Worst Sex Ever

There’s a common misconception that any sex is good sex for men.  That’s definitely not true.  Guys might be easier to please in the bedroom but there is definitely such a thing as bad sex for us too.

When I was in college I played in a couple decent, local bands.  There was this one chick that was a regular in the music scene, she was at every single show no matter who was playing.  She was a cute but ditsy.  Kind of a hippy chick that always seemed stoned and dancing, but her most notable characteristic was an amazing ass that she displayed in tight pants.  She was a cool and laid back but I never spent much time with her.  We’ll call her Sarah for this post.

One night, I was at the college library.  It was a week night and late so there weren’t many people there.  About midnight, Sarah walks in.  She comes over and sits at a computer next to me.

She tells me that she was just dropped off by a student friend and was looking for a ride to her parent’s house.  What a coincidence, I had a car and had just finished studying.  I agreed to give her a ride… though I hoped that there would be some riding going on inside the car too. Continue reading

Dangerous Liasons

I recently discovered an odd and slightly disturbing side of myself.

There is a BBC show called Luther about a hard-boiled detective that solves murders.  In the very first episode he interviews a character called Alice Morgan and realizes that she’s an amazingly intelligent sociopath that murdered her parents.  Because of her intelligence Luther can’t find any evidence and she gets away with it.  After the interview Alice becomes fascinated by Luther, stalks him, and they develop something of a friendship.  She’s overt in her sexual interest in him but nothing ever really comes of it.

To be clearer, a sociopath is someone who essentially has no sense of empathy, no sense of morals, and absolutely no problem with taking a life.  Think of a shark, if it’s hungry it doesn’t hesitate to eat fish or other sharks.  She hung around Luther not because she actually “liked” him but because he interested her, like a spider playing with a funny looking fly.  There’s no question how that situation is going to end, only how long it will go on before the inevitable happens.  Needless to say, Luther was hesitant to jump into a deeper entanglement with her.

Now, before I lose you completely, something about the situation was strangely attractive to me.  That surprised me a bit, so I hesitated and sorted through what I thought of it.

luther and alice Continue reading