Recently, I received the Liebster Blog Award from Desirious and I’m truly fascinated by the prospect. This award breaks up my normal monotonous life filled with sexcapades and debauchery, so a big thank you to Desirious. If you haven’t checked out her blog, it’s a fun one and you definitely should. Apologies for the delay, Desirious it’s been a really busy week, which I’ll be posting about soon.
I’d like to start with a short acceptance speech.
First off, I’d like to thank my Mother. If she had been a half-way reasonable human being, slightly understanding, mildly accommodating, than I wouldn’t have had to come up with a sense of humor to survive my childhood. I would like to thank my ex-wife for teaching me a mastery in the arts of manipulation. She was so amazing at it that most women seem like amateurs in comparison. Additionally, I would like to thank the inventor of the internet, Al Gore, for providing me this amazing capability to spread my mental illnesses throughout the unsuspecting masses around the world.
Much like a chain mail, now I’m supposed to answer some questions, provide some little known facts about myself, and then forward the award on to another set of bloggers. I’m going to momentarily try and suspend my naturally sarcastic, asshole-ish nature and attempt to cooperate with the spirit of the award. That doesn’t mean I can’t have some fun while I cooperate. Every single one of these facts/answers is literally true.
Questions to me from Desirious:
1. What is the hottest most sexiest moment in your life that you can recall?
When I was in the military I got stationed in Africa. It was really, really hot and there were no women on base, so there were thousands of men constantly masturbating. Depending on your perspective that’s really hot and sexy.
2.What is your favorite sexual activity?
Sex. Pretty much any time my penis is inside a woman’s vagina is my favorite. Hands are nice, mouths are nice, but nothing feels as fan-fucking-tastic as pussy.
3. Ever been in love? Those of you already blogging about being in love have you ever been in love with anyone else?
4.What is the most important quality for a person you are having a relationship with to have?
Willing to let me put my penis in her vagina. See #2 above. I believe sex is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. If all talking can be avoided, that’s even better.
5.What attracts you to another?
I’m assuming you mean what attracts me to another person? Readily accessible vagina, see #2 above. If the rest of the package is nice to look at that’s a bonus.
6. Have you ever had a threesome or multiple partners at a time?
In the military, 80 of us shared bunk space in one large room. I can guarantee at least four of us were masturbating at any given time. I’m pretty sure that counts.
7. What is one thing you like to do in your free time?
See #2 above. And if I’m not having sex than I’m writing about sex. Or writing about things I hate because I’m frustrated that I’m not having sex.
8. Do you write any other blogs?
I used to have a blog on training for extreme endurance competitions, but it was too hard to keep up. Hyuk Hyuk.
9.Do you like to kiss?
I would rather be doing #2 above. Unless you mean kissing pussy, because that’s pretty awesome too.
10. Do you identify as a writer?
I try not to confuse blogger and writer, Stephen King scares me.
11. What inspired you to begin writing your blog? (stole that from Atiyaluv)
Lots and lots of #2 above. Then I got bored when I ran out of #2 and kept writing.
11 Random Facts about me:
1. When I get drowsy I get a hard on, makes boring business meetings awkward.
2. I have written over a 100,000 words in posts for Id’s Redbook.
3. I’ve literally traveled around the world.
4. My favorite cereal is Chocolate Rice Crispies.
5. My left testicle hangs about half an inch lower than the right.
6. I have at least five tattoos (I’m always losing count), only three of which my mom knows about.
7. When I first discovered masturbating my exact thoughts were “THIS is what everybody is making a big deal about?” I was very disappointed.
8. When I was 14 I wanted to be a cartoonist (I left that dream behind in High School and picked up a guitar, cartoonists don’t get laid)
9. I had a mullet in middle school. It wasn’t cool then either.
10. I did a variety of fun and very illegal drugs in my youth.
11. I think Jim Henson is the fucking man. That may or may not be influenced by the previous fact.
Blogs I’m Nominating. These are blogs that I genuinely like and I’m curious what they come up with for their nominations. (Ha! Your turn!):
11 Questions for my Nominees:
1. Is your blog better than mine? Don’t try to be objective, I want completely subjective.
2. What is the most disgusting thing that you’ve ever seen… during sex?
3. Can you properly use there, their, and they’re in a single sentence?
4. Which 80’s band had the best sense of style? And why? (minimum 100 words)
5. Have you ever had an STI/STD?
6. If you answered “Yes” to #5, have you ever had sex with me?
7. Do you have any coyote ugly stories? Please share.
8. Do you believe that Jim Henson is the fucking man? Explain your answer in at least 100 words.
9. Have you ever had sex while on any illegal substances? If so, would you recommend I try it?
10. You’re all bloggers, which post that you’ve written is your favorite?
11. If you answered “No” to #5 and #6, will you have sex with me for nominating you for this award? (Did anyone else notice that all the blogs I’ve nominated are written by women? Coincidence? I’ll let you decide.)
For future Liebster Award recipients, here are the rules:
Thank the person who nominated you, and post a link to their blog on your blog.
Display the award on your blog — by including it in your post and/or displaying it using a “widget” or a “gadget”. (Note that the best way to do this is to save the image to your own computer and then upload it to your blog post.)
Answer 11 questions about yourself, which will be provided to you by the person who nominated you.
Provide 11 random facts about yourself.
Nominate 5 – 11 blogs that you feel deserve the award, who have a less than 1000 followers. (Note that you can always ask the blog owner this since not all blogs display a widget that lets the readers know this information!)
Create a new list of questions for the blogger to answer.
List these rules in your post. Once you have written and published it, you then have to inform the people/blogs that you nominated that they have been nominated for the Liebster award and provide a link for them to your post so that they can learn about it (they might not have ever heard of it!)