I Really, Really Want to Hate Justin Timberlake


As a general rule, I hate all famous pop figures.  I mean, if I saw Justin Bieber on the street I would have to fight the urge to run over and punch him in the face (maybe a bad example, I think a lot of people would feel the same).  Brittany Spears?  You might have to hold me back.  Adam Lambert?  Not entirely sure who he is, but I want to hit him too.  Kim Kardashian?  I still don’t understand why she’s famous, and thus deserves two punches in the face and a kick in the ass.  Miley Cirus?  I’d hit her if I didn’t feel so sorry for her parents.

There’s something so fake about all the really famous pop figures.  Sure, they can sing, they can dance, but they’re  like artificial people.  Everything they do is choreographed, photoshopped, focus grouped, marketed… there’s no artist left in being famous, it’s designed.  And yet they’re all so fucking rich.

And you know what’s worse than a pop star?  A pop star that also “acts”.  You can turn off a radio, but when they’re all over magazines, TV, and in the movie theaters it’s like being bombarded by meat puppets pushed by major corporations.  I swear, Disney is like a factory that pumps out stars.

Which brings us to Justin Timberlake.  He acts, he sings, he dances, he does comedy, he raps… he’s everywhere.  He checks all the boxes, he really should be at the top of the “Punch in the face” list.

Justin Continue reading

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Tired of the Superficial Analysis


The blogs I read tend to be written by women, generally because women have more interesting things to say (sorry guys, but it’s true).  Normally this is an entertaining, amusing diversion, but there’s a common thread through many of these posts that has been bugging me.

Man-Scolding250px

“All guys want is sex.”

This is meant as an insult, that men only think with their dicks, and will do anything to get laid.  Ladies, you’re meeting the wrong guys, looking for love in the wrong places.

While technically true, all guys do want sex, that’s like saying “all guys want to breathe.”  Sex is a biological imperative, we’re all (men and women) designed to enjoy sex, to want sex, and to pursue a healthy sex life.  There’s nothing wrong with wanting sex.

Not all guys are dogs.  Just like not all women are bitches.

What these women should be saying is “some guys ONLY want sex and those seem to be the only guys I meet.”  Because, believe me Ladies, there are plenty of guys out there that want sex but are also interested in a more long term commitment.  Men are people, just like women, they come in every shape and size, and have varied personalities.  If the only guys you meet are horn-dogs, then you’re looking in the wrong places.  You need to figure out what you’re doing to meet guys (that suck) and break that pattern if you want to find different kinds of guys. Continue reading

Naked Thursdays


When I got divorced I decided it was time to institute a policy that I’d been dreaming about for years.

Naked Thursdays.

For various reasons I wasn’t able to start the policy immediately after the  divorce.  Now, I think it’s finally time to drop my drawers and enjoy the freedom of Naked Thursday.

Before you ask, I don’t plan on posting photos of myself on Naked Thursday.  This is about the principle of the matter, not an excuse to post photos of myself; though I have to admit I can be quite photogenic if the room is poorly lit.  This is about freedom, gratuitous nudity, and freaking out the neighbors.

So, here I sit, writing to all of you, and instead of being in my boxers like every other day I’m totally nude.

Naked Thursday

Talented Artists Representation of a Blogger on Naked Thursday Continue reading

One of the Nights that I Almost Died


I’ve had a few events in my life that were pretty extraordinary.  And I don’t just mean in the bedroom.  The following is a true story of one of those moments that ended up having a really profound impact on the way I think and live my life.

A few years ago I became obsessed with Scuba Diving.  I got my certification and immediately started jumping into all of the craziest dives I could find.  It was thrilling to push the boundaries, to feel unsafe, and explore the world in a new and exciting way.

Well, sometimes you get a little more than you bargained for.

night-dive

One of the dives I signed up for was a nighttime wreck dive.

We took a boat way, way out in the bay.  So far that we could barely see the lights from shore.  It was overcast that night, no visible stars, and the moon was covered by clouds.  The water was black, the sky was black, and town was only a dim glow on the horizon.

This was my first night dive, a more experienced diver friend was supposed to come with us but had to back out last minute.  We dove together all the time, he was my “buddy” so we’d watch out for each other.  Even though I was still with a group, his absence made this a lot more nerve wracking.

We jumped into the water and I quickly realized how black it really was.  I brought several lights but what’s so unnerving about it, and most people don’t realize, is if there isn’t anything for the light to hit the beam just disappears.  You’re light is on but it’s still total blackness in front of you.  Then a fish will swim through the light beam, you get some sense of three dimensions, and it’s gone again. Continue reading

Can Men and Women be friends? Online?


A couple weeks ago I read a post from a fellow blogger, Ann St. Vincent.  She’d written a post about a new guy she was seeing (Giant #3).  There were a couple things that were said in the post that tweaked my antennae.  A couple statements about the guy weren’t adding up and I had some theories as to why.

Fighting my better instincts, I decided to inject myself into the situation.

Ha!  As if I have better instincts!  That would have been a good joke for April fools, too late now though.

So, I sent an unsolicited email to Ann.  It pointed out the inconsistencies that I saw in the guy’s behavior and possible explanations.  Honestly, I figured she’d read it, think I was some weird creep, and delete it without replying.

To my surprise, within a couple hours I had a very nice response from Ann.  She already had some sense of what was going on with him and some of the things I pointed out in the message resonated with her.  Recently, she wrote another post about him, My Giant Says Thank You, and quoted some of my email.  Pretty cool.

After that first email we spent the rest of the day emailing back and forth, talking about relationships, dating, and blogging.  It turns out that Ann is a very smart, attentive, funny, articulate and interesting woman.  She read all of my older posts on Id’s Redbook, I read all of her posts on Ann St. Vincent, and we went back and forth discussing posts.  As a talented writer and interested reader she had a lot of good feedback on posts I’d written.  We both blog, she’s got a kid, I’ve got a kid, we’re both divorced, so there was a lot to talk about.

It was really nice and totally unexpected.  I had no idea when I sent that email that I would meet this cool woman.  I’d read some of her posts, but that doesn’t always paint an accurate picture of the writer.  If anything, she is way, way cooler than I would have guessed. Continue reading

Long Distance Friends With Benefits?


I’ve been having a lot of fun with this blog recently, doing amusing and entertaining posts, but I haven’t been doing a very good job of updating all of you crazy, loyal readers about the recent events in my life.  I hinted at one of those events in the Phone Sex post, but haven’t filled in any details.

I met Julie online when we signed up for the same writing workshop.  Each writer submitted something and the others provided constructive feedback.  I submitted a couple editorials/essays and she submitted a long, humorous story about a guy that she had recently dated.

With all the emails flying back and forth we started to get to know each other.  We quickly realized that we had similar senses of humor, but both of us also had strong opinions and took the writing seriously.  We also had some experiences in common and ended up exchanging a lot of non-workshop related stories.  Within a few short weeks she knew more about me than anyone else in the world.  Our deepest secrets, worries, and insecurities were laid bare for each other.

The emails started to get flirty and quickly started to escalate.  We exchanged some photos and we were mutually attracted.  We started calling, chatting, and emailing multiple times daily.  That’s where the phone sex post came from.

Awesome, right?

The problem is that we don’t live on the same continent. Continue reading

Bucket List


I’ve seen bucket lists all over the place the last couple years.  They always seemed like an interesting idea but I never really sat down and came up with one of my own.

Bucket

So, without further ado, my first attempt at a bucket list (in no particular order):

01. Meet Bruce Campbell

02. Visit all 7 Continents

03. Start my own Religion.

04. Write at least one Novel.

05. Save enough money to pay for my daughter’s college.

06. Road trip from Panama all the way up to Alaska (preferably by motorcycle).

07. Take a trip down the Amazon.

08. Go on a photo safari in Africa.

09. Visit the pyramids and other wonders of the world.

10. Drunkenly stumble into a cheerleader sleepover. Continue reading

An Interesting Male Perspective


I was reading through some of the blogs I follow, one of them listed a link to this article, “Ladies, Men don’t have it as easy as you think (If you have a few minutes, check out the post below it too.  It’s pretty funny).”  The article made me think and when I think, I write.  If you have a differing opinion, suck it up and leave an offensive comment at the end.  Offensive comments make me hard.

Essentially, the article says that women are constantly bombarded with imagery in the media that says they are unattractive unless they use certain products, or need to lose those extra pounds, etc.  Then, on a day to day basis those same women are constantly receiving the opposite message from men.  Men call them attractive, hit on them, gawk at them, etc.

Then, the article parallels the female experience with a man’s.  Men are constantly bombarded with imagery in the media that says we’re fat, unattractive,  need to make more money, or need a more expensive car to be attractive.  It’s similar to women, but the difference is that men don’t get that day to day reassurance of their attractiveness.  Men are rarely complimented, are rarely hit on, are not gawked at like women are.  We have the negative pressure but little of the positive pressure.

I can feel the female hatred radiating through the screen.  No, I’m not saying that being gawked at constantly, hit on constantly, and rude passes are a good thing.  I’m sure those are a constant frustration, but I am saying that men don’t get any of that.  Not even a smidge.  None of it.  No positive reinforcement on a day to day basis.  I can’t remember the last time that a woman I wasn’t dating, or wasn’t family, complimented me on anything.  I don’t even get “Hey, that’s a nice shirt” from female coworkers.  And that was my feeling-sexy shirt  😦 Continue reading

The Art of Seduction pt 2


Ok, if you’ve read The Art of Seduction pt 1 then you have already sent your online love interest a photo of your cock.  Now what?

First, you wait for a response.  If she doesn’t send you a message back in the next 20 minutes or so, continue to send the cock shots periodically over the next 24-48 hours.  Sooner or later she’ll write, the constant cock shots always works.

Your computer pings, you’ve got mail!  She’s responded!  Inter-gender communication can now begin, put on your dance shoes and pull out your thesaurus (or same gender communication if you swing that way). There you are, poised over your keyboard, the blank email screen lit up in front of you…  Umm…?  You could send another cock shot, but that’s kind of a cop-out.  You’ve hooked her, now you need to seal the deal.  But what do you write?

On writing s

First, put her name or screen name.  Spell the name or screen name correctly, this is important because it shows you are interested enough to learn how to spell it.  Then a comma and hit the return key.  Your screen should look something like this: Continue reading

Phone Sex


For many, many years I had no interest in phone sex.  I’d tried it a couple times when I was younger, but it just seemed like this really pale comparison to the real thing.  Mutual masturbation over the phone, it was just weak.  Half the time it would have been better to just to use my imagination instead of stroking myself while simultaneously trying to think of sexy things to say.

Recently, that feeling has totally changed.

I “met” this really awesome woman on an online writing workshop we were both doing.  We started exchanging emails, doing some chatting, and eventually were calling each other.  All of this was pretty flirty, we’d even sent each other some dirty pictures.

One night, there is a suggestion made that we have some fun on the phone.  With my history, with the opinion that phone sex is far less rewarding than real sex, I was slightly hesitant with this.  I mean, it was better than nothing, but not even close to as much fun as the real thing.

So, I call her.  We start off with some day-to-day chit chat and eventually work around to talking about sex.  What I would do if I were there.

This is when something interesting happens.  Through the phone I can hear her breath start to quicken.  I talk about slowly unbuttoning her shirt, kissing her all down her front as the cloth pulls away from her skin.  She lets out a small moan.  I talk about sliding off her pants, playing with her panties with my tongue.  Her breath gets even faster, her moans get louder and more frequent.  Slowly sliding off her panties, rubbing and kissing her legs.  I kiss her up and down her thighs, each time spending a little bit longer on her clit before moving to the other thigh. Continue reading