One of the most frustrating things about being a divorced, single guy is being asked my relationship status. If any of you readers are “single” and/or “divorced” then you probably know what I mean. Just saying “single” or “divorced” is depressing. I have those two options, and they’re both terrible.
If I tell people I’m divorced, I get one of two reactions; “What the fuck is wrong with you that caused a divorce” or pity, “Oooh, you poor broken man.”
A) There’s nothing wrong with me, my ex and I grew apart and amicably divorced. We have a great friendship and communicate regularly.
B) The divorce getting finalized was one of the best days of my life. I had this new opportunity to explore life and start new relationships.
So, not fucked up, and not broken.
What about calling myself “single”?
When you tell people you’re single (especially if those people are in relationships) it brings to their mind Beatles lyrics:
“One is the loneliest number…”
“You poor man, don’t worry we’ll fix this.” They see your single-ness as a problem that needs to be immediately remedied. One buddy’s wife invites over her single friends whenever I’m coming over. On one hand, it’s kind of cute that she’s trying to set us up, but on the other hand…
Who the fuck asked for help?
I’m not single because I can’t handle myself around women, or get laid if I want, or meet enough of them; I’m single because I haven’t found one I want to date right now. It’s not like I’m running around pulling one night stands or anything, quite the opposite. I’m in a really good place in my life, I don’t feel the need to be dating someone just so that I’m in a relationship. I don’t need some one else to prop up my ego (I’m quite good at that myself).
I’m sorry if my independence threatens the foundations of your “you must be in a relationship to be happy” worldview.
With the connotations and reactions to the terms, how do I explain my situation without using “divorced” or “single”?
I’ve come up with my own term, “happy, healthy, and unattached.”
I think that fits my situation much better. It says there’s nothing wrong with me, nothing that needs to be “fixed”. There’s no confusion, there’s no pity, there’s nothing broken; I just don’t happen to be in a relationship at this exact second. I’m happy, I’m healthy, and just happen to be unattached. Perfect, right?
No longer do we need to label ourselves with “single” or “divorced”, terms that are looked down upon. No longer will we be pitied, gossiped about, worried over (my mom always asks if I’m still “single”), no longer will we be second class citizens! Rather than pitied, all our married and attached friends will actually be jealous of us! And rightfully so, we are in a wonderful, amazing, place in our lives that is full of potential, mystery, and new experiences. Yeah, that’s right, you should be jealous of my happy, healthy, and unattached life.
Free up your life, do away with the traditional labels and let us all just go by “happy, healthy, and unattached”. Try it out, say it to yourself, and you’ll get a little surge of happiness. Isn’t that a whole lot better?