The blogs I read tend to be written by women, generally because women have more interesting things to say (sorry guys, but it’s true). Normally this is an entertaining, amusing diversion, but there’s a common thread through many of these posts that has been bugging me.
“All guys want is sex.”
This is meant as an insult, that men only think with their dicks, and will do anything to get laid. Ladies, you’re meeting the wrong guys, looking for love in the wrong places.
While technically true, all guys do want sex, that’s like saying “all guys want to breathe.” Sex is a biological imperative, we’re all (men and women) designed to enjoy sex, to want sex, and to pursue a healthy sex life. There’s nothing wrong with wanting sex.
Not all guys are dogs. Just like not all women are bitches.
What these women should be saying is “some guys ONLY want sex and those seem to be the only guys I meet.” Because, believe me Ladies, there are plenty of guys out there that want sex but are also interested in a more long term commitment. Men are people, just like women, they come in every shape and size, and have varied personalities. If the only guys you meet are horn-dogs, then you’re looking in the wrong places. You need to figure out what you’re doing to meet guys (that suck) and break that pattern if you want to find different kinds of guys.
For example, if you are meeting guys in bars, you are WRONG. What kind of a guy is going to hang out in a place where both sexes imbibe drinks that lower inhibitions? Guys that want you to have lowered inhibitions. Guys that will undoubtedly take advantage of your lowered inhibitions. Guys you meet in bars are probably not the take-him-home-to-meet-your-parents type.
Did you know that men have close to twice the alcohol tolerance of women? That’s an easy situation to take advantage of. “Can I buy you a drink?” Just saying.
Actually, any social setting where alcohol plays a large role is probably not a good place to meet guys. Sure, it might break the ice a bit, but I guarantee the ratio of quality guys to horn-dogs is way worse than, say, a library. How many long term relationships are born from a night of drinking? Compared to how many “WTF was I thinking?” mornings after.
As a somewhat quality guy (laugh all you like, I’m employed and looking for a long term relationship), I never go to bars to pick up women. Maybe that’s why I’m single, but I don’t see how anything but regrets comes from a night with alcohol (or STDs). I might take a woman to a bar, but I don’t go there to actually meet women.
And guys like me go many months at a time without sex because we haven’t found a quality partner. I don’t try and fuck anything that moves. I don’t lie to get laid. All we want is sex? Fuck you. There are plenty of good guys out there, you just need to know where to look. They’re worth the effort.
So, what are good, nice men and women to do? The best bets for meeting real people are at work, friends of friends, social settings that are activity-based rather than alcohol-based, or possibly (sigh) online on serious dating sites that don’t promote “casual sex”. Craigslist is probably not the site to use if you’re looking for a good LTR.
Better yet, develop a social hobby to engage in.
Activity based social settings are probably the most realistic place to meet good people. Join Meetup or something. Join a hiking group. Maybe take some college classes. Or, I don’t know… line dancing lessons (any ladies out there with a cowboy fetish?). If you are blogging than you like to write, join a local writing group. Or go to church. As much as I hate churches they are a social setting that involves a wide variety of people getting together to do something other than drink. You could go to a Unitarian service, or Atheist, or Mormon (if you’re feeling frisky), or Catholic (if you’re feeling guilty about your alcohol-fueled night).
But don’t go online and say that all men are horn dogs. It simply isn’t true.