Long Distance Friends With Benefits?

I’ve been having a lot of fun with this blog recently, doing amusing and entertaining posts, but I haven’t been doing a very good job of updating all of you crazy, loyal readers about the recent events in my life.  I hinted at one of those events in the Phone Sex post, but haven’t filled in any details.

I met Julie online when we signed up for the same writing workshop.  Each writer submitted something and the others provided constructive feedback.  I submitted a couple editorials/essays and she submitted a long, humorous story about a guy that she had recently dated.

With all the emails flying back and forth we started to get to know each other.  We quickly realized that we had similar senses of humor, but both of us also had strong opinions and took the writing seriously.  We also had some experiences in common and ended up exchanging a lot of non-workshop related stories.  Within a few short weeks she knew more about me than anyone else in the world.  Our deepest secrets, worries, and insecurities were laid bare for each other.

The emails started to get flirty and quickly started to escalate.  We exchanged some photos and we were mutually attracted.  We started calling, chatting, and emailing multiple times daily.  That’s where the phone sex post came from.

Awesome, right?

The problem is that we don’t live on the same continent.

Seriously, different fucking continents.   I even had to download a new app for my phone so that we could chat while I was at work because of the enormous time difference.

Julie’s very well set up, settled in, and happy in her location.  I’m set up, settled in, and happy in my location.  We have this amazing connection mentally, from all indications would have an amazing connection physically, and yet we are located thousands and thousands of miles away from each other.  If it were anyone else, I would have completely disregarded the possibility of anything further, we’re both too well set up in our locations and those locations are too far apart.  And yet Julie and I have this amazing potential to be something significant.

The more we shared, the closer we got, and we’ve shared just about everything.  We just fit.  We also have an amazing erotic connection based on the phone calls, messages, and photos we’ve exchanged.  She pulls at pieces of me that have lain dormant for far too long.  It’s fun and exciting.

So, my thought is, how the fuck is this supposed to work?  Never before in history has it been so easy to build an amazing connection, so quickly, with someone so far away.  What do we do now?  Are we dating?  Are we in a relationship?  What are the rules for this kind of thing?  Because it certainly seems like this is the first generation that might need to come up with good answers to questions like that.  All these complications, questions, and Julie and I haven’t even met yet.

Luckily, Julie and I are on the same page when it comes to these questions.  We’ve talked about them at length.  We want to explore this connection, the potential for something significant, without tying the other’s hands in the process.  What if Julie meets an amazing guy tomorrow but doesn’t follow up on it because of me, then we meet and it doesn’t work?  And yet, we don’t want to jeopardize this amazing potential by not giving it an opportunity to flourish.

Without trying to trivialize it, the best definition I can come up with is something along the lines of “Long Distance Friends With Benefits”, at least until we can meet up and find out if this intense online relationship can carry over into the real world.  You can know everything about a person, their entire life story, their beliefs and dreams, but until you actually spend time with them, what do you really know?

So, what do we do?  Where do we go from here?

Some days it seems like we’re the explorers in a brave new frontier, drawing the maps for all those who would follow.  Other days it’s frustrating as hell.

Good days, bad days; either way I am looking forward to seeing how all of this plays out.  How do those questions end up getting answered?  It’s unique in this day and age that we find ourselves in a situation that’s totally outside our realm of experience.  It’s exciting, it’s intriguing, and at least for now it’s a whole lot of fun.

long distance relationship

2 thoughts on “Long Distance Friends With Benefits?

  1. Pingback: The lazy person’s guide to Matthew & our story | ann st vincent

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