The Art of Seduction pt 2

Ok, if you’ve read The Art of Seduction pt 1 then you have already sent your online love interest a photo of your cock.  Now what?

First, you wait for a response.  If she doesn’t send you a message back in the next 20 minutes or so, continue to send the cock shots periodically over the next 24-48 hours.  Sooner or later she’ll write, the constant cock shots always works.

Your computer pings, you’ve got mail!  She’s responded!  Inter-gender communication can now begin, put on your dance shoes and pull out your thesaurus (or same gender communication if you swing that way). There you are, poised over your keyboard, the blank email screen lit up in front of you…  Umm…?  You could send another cock shot, but that’s kind of a cop-out.  You’ve hooked her, now you need to seal the deal.  But what do you write?

On writing s

First, put her name or screen name.  Spell the name or screen name correctly, this is important because it shows you are interested enough to learn how to spell it.  Then a comma and hit the return key.  Your screen should look something like this:

Candi,

Then you should introduce yourself, something like “Hi, my name is _____”.  This is important because you can then verify in later messages if she is interested enough to spell it correctly.  You should probably use your real first name, nickname, or a fake name that is realistic enough to pass.  If you choose to use a fake name, make sure you remember the name you chose or there will be problems later.  Your message should look something like this:

Candi,

Hi, my name is Johnny Id.


Oh, did you see what I did there?  No?  If you’re going with a fake name, don’t use mine.  Once you meet her in person you’ll never be able to pull of my suave, charismatic, charming, witty self.  She’ll see right through you.

Next, you should compliment her.  Women like compliments almost as much as they like cock shots.  It gives them a warm and fuzzy feeling that increases your odds of getting laid.  You could talk about how her hair looks like rainbows, or with her body she could totally be a model, or that her fake breasts look amazingly real.

Candi,

Hi, my name is Bob.  You have great tits.


Next, you should put some sort of personal detail that will charm her.  You could talk about how you love kittens, volunteer at soup kitchens, or help little old ladies across the street.  What if you hate kittens, vagrants, and old people?  Lie.  Pretend you like them and hopefully you’ll have gotten her pregnant or something before she finds out.

“…  I like to feed old people while helping them and their tiny, blind kittens cross the road safely.  I’m so good at it that one old lady made me a knit hat that says “Gud Helper” on the front.”


Next, list a couple of your common interests.  This is important, read her profile first and make a list of things she likes to do.  Find a couple interests that you both have and mention it in your email.  This demonstrates that you like her enough to actually read her profile, it makes you stand out from other the guys that spent three hours staring at those fake tits in all her profile photos (even if you too spent three hours staring at her fake tits in all her profile photos).  It shows that you are paying attention to her, individually (don’t tell her about the 8 other women that you are writing to today).  What if you don’t like any of the same things?  Lie.  List all of the things that she likes and tell her that you like them too.  Copy and paste works well for this.

“…  I see that you like knot tying, the rodeo, puppies, and hot yoga.  What a coincidence, I also like knot tying, the rodeo, puppies, and hot yoga.  We should totally do that together.”


Finally, you should tell her that you’re glad she liked your cock shot and look forward to hearing from her.  Then hit enter and put your name.  Simple, right?

Candi,

Hi, my name is Bob.  You have great tits.  I like to feed old people while helping them and their tiny, blind kittens cross the road safely.  I’m so good at it that one old lady made me a knit hat that says “Gud Helper” on the front.  I see that you like knot tying, the rodeo, puppies, and hot yoga.  What a coincidence, I also like knot tying, the rodeo, puppies, and hot yoga.  We should totally do that together.  I’m glad that you liked the photo of my cock and I look forward to hearing from you.

Bob


There you go.  You’ve done the internet meet and greet.  You’ve reached your proverbial hand (and cock) through the fiber optic lines, screens, and distance to introduce yourself to the woman you want.  You’ve complimented her, told her a few good things about yourself, demonstrated your attentiveness, showed your mutual interests, and that you would like to get to know her better.

Two more things to remember, use spell check and don’t use text abbreviations in your introductory email.  If you can’t spell, she probably won’t bother writing back because she’ll think that you’re actually a third grader.  If you use text abbreviations in an email she probably won’t write back because you’re a Douche Bag.

Success!  Hit Send on that bad boy.  Actually, wait.  Double check that you’ve spelled her name correctly.  Are you sure it was Candi with an “i” and not candy with a “y”?  Is it good?  Shit.  You fixed it?  Ok.  Now, hit Send on that bad boy.

Nothing left to do but sit back and bask in the glow of your mastery in the Arts of Seduction.

 

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