It’s not often that a woman reaches out to me on an online dating site. Typically, the guy has to make the first move, show some interest, and hope that she writes you back.
Not so much this time. A couple days ago I received this message:
“Hey sexy, you go to church on Sundays?”
Now, obviously this was some kind of bad joke. Well, too bad, I’m going to mock her anyway.
Talented Artists Representation of crazy OkCupid lady
First off, “sexy” and “church” should not be used in the same sentence. They’re mutually exclusive. There is nothing about church that’s remotely sexy and sexy would be ruined by the mention of church. “Oh god, oh god…” is okay during sex, but if a chick I was fucking said anything about church I would risk death-by-blue-balls, jump up, laugh demonically and run naked out the fucking door.
I mean, am I being propositioned or indoctrinated into the next kool-aid drinking, sex cult?
Secondly, who the fuck sends that kind of message to a perfect stranger? It basically has to be a joke because no one in their right mind would expect any kind of favorable response to a message like that. And if it isn’t a joke, what kind of response are they expecting? “Oh yeah, baby. I always go commando to the 9 am service! I cut a glory hole into the last confessional on the left, we should meet there after the last hail Mary.”
Lastly, if she knew anything at all about me (or read my profile) then she would know that I am absolutely NOT religious. I mock religion, frequently. I might have lied about everything else on the profile, height, weight, income, and my penis size but my religious preference was honest at least.
So, you ask, what did I do when I got the message? I sent her a cock shot. I haven’t heard anything back yet but I’m hoping she’s impressed enough that I’ll at least get a BJ out of it.