Alright ladies, listen up. These are some things that you do not do if you’re interested in keeping a guy.
My first date with Kelly was amazing, the best first date I’ve ever been on. She’s smart, funny, attractive, outgoing, just awesome. I felt like a teenager, we were making out every five minutes and just having a grand old time.
The next two weeks were littered with warning signs, little things that were adding up. I’ll write out those details in another post. For now, I just want to focus on the last night, the many straws that broke the camel’s back.
So, after two weeks of warning signs I was still holding on to the possibility that things would work out because the first date was so awesome. I was working nights and at 1 a.m. I got a text from her asking if she could stay at my place. She’d never been to my house before but she was in the neighborhood, drinking with friends, and didn’t want to drive home. I would be off at 4 a.m. and she said I could wake her up so we could fool around. I really didn’t want her in my house when I wasn’t around but she was drunk, I didn’t want her to drive, and she was begging. So, I reluctantly agreed.
I get home after a long night of work, exhausted, she’s passed out in my bed and I don’t feel like waking her up to get some. That’s how tired I was. So, I laid out next to her and went to sleep.
A few hours later she wakes up feeling horny. She plays with my cock until I wake up (I’ll admit, that’s a wonderful way to wake up) and we go at it like bunnies for the next hour or so.
We finish up, she checks her phone and starts freaking out because now she’s late picking up her son from her friend’s house. Freaking the fuck out. MTV reality show freaking out. She starts yelling, crying, throws her things together, briefly cleans up in the bathroom and runs out the door.
I’m thinking, if being late is such a big deal why did she wake me up for sex? Or she could have set an alert on her phone to remind her to leave at a certain time. It would have been a little odd if she stayed over and we didn’t have sex, but I would have been totally cool with that if it saved this dramatic meltdown.
After she’s gone I notice that there’s a shirt crumpled up on the floor on her side of the bed. I realize that it’s the shirt that my daughter bought me for my birthday. Kely had worn it to sleep. Previously, I had shown her this cool shirt my daughter got me… and drunk Kelly wore it to bed, drunk-sweaty, night-on-the-town Kelly, then took it off and fucked me. Now, how do I see that shirt and think of my daughter? I haven’t worn it since that morning. Kelly has a kid, she should know how fucked up that is.
Then, I noticed that my bedroom looks different. Doors that I never leave open were open, drawers that are empty were ajar, and little things have been moved around. She searched my bedroom while I was at work. I didn’t have anything to hide but it was a major invasion of privacy. I was nice enough to trust her in my home when I wasn’t around and she betrayed that trust. That’s not cool.
Finally, I notice a huge pool of blood where we’d had sex. This wasn’t a little bit of spotting, it was a freakin’ slaughter house. There was blood everywhere. I look down, I’m covered in blood from navel to knees. I could even track her progress from the bedroom to the bathroom when she cleaned up, splotches of blood down the whole hallway. I mean, if the cops had shown up, they would have thought I killed someone. Or three.
Now, I have no problem with the female monthly cycle. It happens, it’s perfectly natural, it’s not a big deal. Say something, maybe we put a towel down, maybe I don’t care, but say something. It’s pretty inconsiderate to not say a word, fuck a dude in his house, and leave him a huge bloody mess. I had to mop my floor when she left. I understand, accidents happen sometimes, but I was seeing a trend with her behavior.
1. Emotional meltdown in my house that could have been easily avoided. (Crazy)
2. Slept in the shirt that she knew was a gift from my daughter. (Fucked up)
3. Searched my house while I was at work. (Intrusive)
4. Didn’t say a word then proceeded to bleed all over the house like a stuck pig. (Inconsiderate and gross)
Any one of those would have bothered me. Any two of those would have pissed me off. Three of those and I would have dumped her. All four? Get The Fuck Out! Slam the door theatrically behind her. And that doesn’t even include the things from the previous two weeks.
Apparently you don’t have to be a man to be an asshole. I called her after I cleaned up my house and told her I didn’t want to see her again, though not in such polite terms.