Chef, maid, and/or girlfriend wanted


I’m in the middle of going through these ancient boxes filled with all this shit that Cat and I accumulated over 10 years together, trying to sort the wheat from the chaff.  A lot of stuff is simply being thrown out, the questionable stuff I put aside to ask Cat if she wants it (I’m an asshole, but not that bad).  My living room is an ocean of piles, boxes, bags, and papers.  My dishes are piled up in the sink and the refrigerator is almost empty.  For dinner tonight?  Tuna salad made with tuna, salt, and old mustard (I was out of mayo) on dry toast.  Yeah, whoopee.  The sheer number of things that need to be done tends to demoralize me to the point of being unable to do anything.

I was looking around my disaster of a home today and had this urge to write a Craigslist ad.  I wrote it out in my head, completely serious, before throwing out the idea because… well, you’ll see.  I thought it was great but could also understand why it might be taken the wrong way.  At the very least, I think it’s funny.

 

Cook, maid, and/or girlfriend wanted:

As a single, busy, working professional (that’s also lazy) I find myself in a curious predicament.  I need someone to help clean up my tiny home, performing general tasks like vacuuming, dishes, and straightening up.  Occasionally, larger jobs such as sorting through boxes of random old souvenirs/photos/nick-knacks might also be required.  I am also interested in someone to plan, purchase groceries, and cook healthy meals.  Groceries will not come out of your pay, I will provide a weekly allowance for the expense.  I don’t eat dairy, gluten, or anything processed, unless I have no food in the fridge.  When the fridge is empty I frequent fast food places.  You can see why having healthy food available is required to maintain my sanity, manly figure, and digestive track.  Therefore, a person who can perform both duties of chef and maid will be given priority. Continue reading

A little bit of background


Alright, so I mentioned before that I’ve been blogging for a while.  It’s a lot of history and I’m not going to try and fill you in on all the sordid little details, but I can give you a bit of a high-light reel.

I was married to a cheating spouse for almost 10 years, the last half of that time we were in an open relationship.  As a very naive, idealistic, inexperienced young man from a small town the whole situation with Cat was insane.  I felt like I had to constantly reevaluate my position on things, what I was comfortable with, and how relationships are supposed to work.  To say that my horizons were expanded would be a major understatement.  Toward the end of the marriage I was seeing three women at the same time.  Someone left the barn door open and the horses were gone for good.

Cat and I divorced about two years ago, she got remarried and moved away.  Since then there have been various dates, relationships, and experiences over that time.  Funny stories and all, but nothing all that important.

Currently, I’m single, cynical, I drink too much, and spend hours writing about how screwed up society is, or how crazy women are, or why relationships suck.  Or whatever else has pissed me off, made me think, or I think is funny.  I tend to harp a bit about how screwed up women are but I think we can all safely chalk that up to a recent lack of sex.  One moment I’ll be a bit of a hopeless romantic, the next I’ll tell a story about the best BJ I’ve ever gotten.  The only aspect of my writing that is constant is that I’m scrupulously honest, I’ll  smudge details and names to protect the guilty but otherwise I try and be as honest as possible.  What’s the point of posting anonymously if you can’t be honest?

You can check out all my old posts at idsredbook.blogspot.com and stay tuned here for any updates.