Chef, maid, and/or girlfriend wanted


I’m in the middle of going through these ancient boxes filled with all this shit that Cat and I accumulated over 10 years together, trying to sort the wheat from the chaff.  A lot of stuff is simply being thrown out, the questionable stuff I put aside to ask Cat if she wants it (I’m an asshole, but not that bad).  My living room is an ocean of piles, boxes, bags, and papers.  My dishes are piled up in the sink and the refrigerator is almost empty.  For dinner tonight?  Tuna salad made with tuna, salt, and old mustard (I was out of mayo) on dry toast.  Yeah, whoopee.  The sheer number of things that need to be done tends to demoralize me to the point of being unable to do anything.

I was looking around my disaster of a home today and had this urge to write a Craigslist ad.  I wrote it out in my head, completely serious, before throwing out the idea because… well, you’ll see.  I thought it was great but could also understand why it might be taken the wrong way.  At the very least, I think it’s funny.

 

Cook, maid, and/or girlfriend wanted:

As a single, busy, working professional (that’s also lazy) I find myself in a curious predicament.  I need someone to help clean up my tiny home, performing general tasks like vacuuming, dishes, and straightening up.  Occasionally, larger jobs such as sorting through boxes of random old souvenirs/photos/nick-knacks might also be required.  I am also interested in someone to plan, purchase groceries, and cook healthy meals.  Groceries will not come out of your pay, I will provide a weekly allowance for the expense.  I don’t eat dairy, gluten, or anything processed, unless I have no food in the fridge.  When the fridge is empty I frequent fast food places.  You can see why having healthy food available is required to maintain my sanity, manly figure, and digestive track.  Therefore, a person who can perform both duties of chef and maid will be given priority. Continue reading

Advertisements

A little bit of background


Alright, so I mentioned before that I’ve been blogging for a while.  It’s a lot of history and I’m not going to try and fill you in on all the sordid little details, but I can give you a bit of a high-light reel.

I was married to a cheating spouse for almost 10 years, the last half of that time we were in an open relationship.  As a very naive, idealistic, inexperienced young man from a small town the whole situation with Cat was insane.  I felt like I had to constantly reevaluate my position on things, what I was comfortable with, and how relationships are supposed to work.  To say that my horizons were expanded would be a major understatement.  Toward the end of the marriage I was seeing three women at the same time.  Someone left the barn door open and the horses were gone for good.

Cat and I divorced about two years ago, she got remarried and moved away.  Since then there have been various dates, relationships, and experiences over that time.  Funny stories and all, but nothing all that important.

Currently, I’m single, cynical, I drink too much, and spend hours writing about how screwed up society is, or how crazy women are, or why relationships suck.  Or whatever else has pissed me off, made me think, or I think is funny.  I tend to harp a bit about how screwed up women are but I think we can all safely chalk that up to a recent lack of sex.  One moment I’ll be a bit of a hopeless romantic, the next I’ll tell a story about the best BJ I’ve ever gotten.  The only aspect of my writing that is constant is that I’m scrupulously honest, I’ll  smudge details and names to protect the guilty but otherwise I try and be as honest as possible.  What’s the point of posting anonymously if you can’t be honest?

You can check out all my old posts at idsredbook.blogspot.com and stay tuned here for any updates.

Sexually Graphic Language


“You know when you are working your man’s cock and craving that juicy load? You’re so hot that your knees are quivering and you are moaning just thinking about it?”

This is an excerpt from one of the blogs that I’ve followed over the years.  Additionally, those two sentences are the introduction to the post.  You click on the link and BAM there’s a cock in your face.  Figuratively anyway, a big written schlong right between your eyes.

I’ve mentioned that I have an aversion to language like that, I’ll avoid it whenever possible for multiple reasons.  I even got into a bit of an argument with the creator of e[lust] when I withdrew my interest in the project because I thought there was too much of the graphic and didn’t feel it fit with what I was writing, e[lust] submission (read the comments, Monique and I go back and forth a bit).

On personal level, I generally don’t enjoy it’s because it tends to be crass for crassness’ sake and lacks a sense of the artistic.  It reminds me of those young kids that run around saying swear words, grinning ear to ear because they’re being bad.    

As a writer (I’m using that term loosely right now, I’m not sure blogging is in the same realm as being an actual writer), the graphic language usage bothers me for two reasons.  1. When you use evocative words too frequently they lose their power.  Imagine if every time you turned on the TV it showed hardcore porn, after a while it stops shocking you and it’s just expected.  Or when you know someone who swears all the time, the first time you talk to them it rattles you but then it just becomes expected.  2.  There needs to be some build up before you jump into erotic language.  First off, if you don’t know who’s involved you have no connection, no investment in the sex.  It’s just there.  Secondly, if you want to work someone up you start slow, suggest, tease… then when you get into the actual sex it’s almost a relief. Continue reading

Shelly’s Broken Heart


I’ve talked about Shelly a couple of times (Shelly’s Leaving).  She’s the worker that came in under me at my last firm, I took her under my wing and she became my replacement when I left.  I was attracted to her but the circumstances never worked out for us to be anything more than friends and coworkers.

She left the area about six months ago with her fiance to move closer to his home.  This was somewhat stressful for her because she didn’t know anyone in the area except for his family.  She was nervous about the move but I encouraged her, she was so talented and driven that she wouldn’t have a problem getting a job anywhere.  I was right, she applied a couple places and had a good paying job within weeks of moving to a totally new place.  Even with the poor economy, it didn’t surprise me that she was already successful.  It was a big step outside her comfort zone, but if that’s what her fiance wanted then she wanted to make him happy.  They’d been together for about two years, engaged for a while, and planning on getting married later this year.

I never really understood the whole engagement.  She’s this bright, driven, ambitious, beautiful young woman and he’s a lazy, underachieving, overweight, heavy-drinking, good-time kind of guy.  Now, I can understand why she would date him, he was a fun, funny guy that was always a good time to be around.  She’s a little more introverted, a little more straight laced, so I can see why he would be a fun guy for her to date.  However, anything more than a fun time seemed extremely unlikely to work out in the long run. Continue reading

Trying Out WordPress


I’ve been blogging for the past few years but the old site seems to be dying a slow death… So, I thought I would try something here and see if the scene is any more active.  I’m already irritated by the site layout, which seems designed to be as difficult to use as possible, but we’ll see how it goes.

I blog anonymously so I can be as honest about my life, observations, relationships, as possible without offending any of the people actually involved in my life.  Personally, I think that’s the fallacy of Facebook, it’s so public that you can’t get beyond superficial posts, there’s absolutely no way to be honest without pissing off friends, family, or coworkers.  So, my blog is my sounding board, my therapist, my drinking buddy, where I can spout off about whatever is important at that moment without worrying about repercussions.

It would be pretty ridiculous to try and move my old posts over here.  There’s years and years of stories, rantings, and drunken exposition.  If you’re interested in previous posts visit http://idsredbook.blogspot.com/ .