I’m in the middle of going through these ancient boxes filled with all this shit that Cat and I accumulated over 10 years together, trying to sort the wheat from the chaff. A lot of stuff is simply being thrown out, the questionable stuff I put aside to ask Cat if she wants it (I’m an asshole, but not that bad). My living room is an ocean of piles, boxes, bags, and papers. My dishes are piled up in the sink and the refrigerator is almost empty. For dinner tonight? Tuna salad made with tuna, salt, and old mustard (I was out of mayo) on dry toast. Yeah, whoopee. The sheer number of things that need to be done tends to demoralize me to the point of being unable to do anything.
I was looking around my disaster of a home today and had this urge to write a Craigslist ad. I wrote it out in my head, completely serious, before throwing out the idea because… well, you’ll see. I thought it was great but could also understand why it might be taken the wrong way. At the very least, I think it’s funny.
Cook, maid, and/or girlfriend wanted:
As a single, busy, working professional (that’s also lazy) I find myself in a curious predicament. I need someone to help clean up my tiny home, performing general tasks like vacuuming, dishes, and straightening up. Occasionally, larger jobs such as sorting through boxes of random old souvenirs/photos/nick-knacks might also be required. I am also interested in someone to plan, purchase groceries, and cook healthy meals. Groceries will not come out of your pay, I will provide a weekly allowance for the expense. I don’t eat dairy, gluten, or anything processed, unless I have no food in the fridge. When the fridge is empty I frequent fast food places. You can see why having healthy food available is required to maintain my sanity, manly figure, and digestive track. Therefore, a person who can perform both duties of chef and maid will be given priority. Continue reading