Taking a break

WTF, WP?  Changing the formats again?

Anyway, I’ve had a couple shitty weeks in a row, I’m pissed off and tired.  Let’s just say that the post I did a couple weeks ago, saying that the world is full of heart break and assholes was right on the money.  There’s been so many times recently, especially online, where I end up shaking my head and wondering what the hell I’m even doing.  There wasn’t any one specific situation, it’s a culmination of a lot of frustration and anger.

I have a very love-hate relationship with the internet and blogging.  That pendulum has swung into the throw-my-laptop-against-the-wall-and-go-live-with-a-pack-of-wolves phase for the last few weeks and doesn’t show any signs of improving.  So, I need a break.  A long break.

I seriously considered deleting the blog, or suspending it, but apparently you can’t do that temporarily.  If I changed my mind later on I’d have to start all over.  So, I’m just going to log out and leave it.  Maybe I’ll be back, maybe I won’t.  We’ll see.

And if you don’t see me here any time soon, keep an eye out for a particularly pale, noisy and ungraceful wolf.

Random Thought While Stuck in Traffic

This afternoon I was stuck in an everyday, yet still epic, traffic jam.  As I was highly irritated and my AC died last month, I had the windows rolled down and the metal cranked up on the radio.  I got to my favorite song and hit repeat.  For the next forty minutes I was blaring the same song over and over and over.  It amused me greatly to think I might be causing extra annoyance to fellow drivers.

I love the rhythm on that track.  Not that the audio quality of this video is very good.

Anyway, as I had plenty of time on my hands a strange thought occurred to me.  Kids these days will never know the joy of buying the new album from their favorite band and finding a secret song at the end.  This Staind album is a good example, the last ‘track’ had ten minutes of silence after the song then there’s a flowery song at the end.  That doesn’t really work with mp3 players, or iTunes, or Spotify.  One more reason to feel sorry for the following generations.

I’m not a nice guy anymore

I’ve realized something over the last… year, I guess.  I’m not a nice guy anymore.  

Depending on how long you’ve been following me that might not make much sense, but for most of my life I was the absolute, stereotypical, boy scout, “nice guy”.  I was the first to forgive pretty much anything.  Easy going?  I was a pushover.  Second chances?  Hell, lets push it to fourth or fifth chances.  I had friends, girlfriends and regular acquaintances that treated me like shit and I put up with it.  Wasn’t forgiving them, being there for them when they needed it the important thing?  I let the whole world lean on me, I took care of everyone else.

I’ve actually written about bits and pieces of this over the years as the nice guy act broke down.  About how I was pushing off my issues by trying to help other people with theirs, but that’s only part of the problem.  I think the larger part has to do with my appalling lack of self worth during those years. Continue reading

People Online Disappoint

I should clarify, most people disappoint eventually -thus the Super Villain Johnny posts I did- but it’s even worse involving people online.  And before anyone gets any ideas, this isn’t about anyone specific, it’s the culmination of quite a few experiences over the past few weeks.

I haven’t been writing here much because this site is in a weird limbo place for me.  When I started blogging it wasn’t really to connect with people, not at first anyway, it was just to have a place to write whatever the fuck I wanted to write.  My life was in a crazy place and I didn’t have anyone in real life I was comfortable talking to, so I wrote it all out.  It helped keep me sane.

The other side of blogging is that it does eventually connect you with people that have similar interests, situations, problems, etc.  It’s really easy to make connections, but how much quality is there?  It’s so much easier to ignore someone, be rude, or whatever, when the interactions aren’t face to face.  And there are so many people with different agendas online.  How many of us have been spammed by followers who just want us to check out their “How to improve blog traffic” websites?  Eventually, we weed through the BS to find ‘real’ people that seem to ‘get’ us.

But then, when you’re ultimately disappointed by some of those people online it screws everything up.  The blog isn’t really anonymous anymore because you have relationships with people, when they piss me off I don’t feel like sharing anymore.  Why should they be privy to my innermost thoughts and what’s going on in my life?  Screw them.  I gave them time and energy and opportunities for real connections and they blew it.

So, why post anything?  Maybe I should just stick to “Evil Johnny” cartoons when the mood suits.  Or I could just disappear and leave the assholes guessing.  Which, I have to admit is quite tempting.  I’ll always be a writer, and I’ll probably always have a blog, but that doesn’t mean I have to post anything here.

I don’t know, I’m just tired and frustrated of always being disappointed.

Alcohol leads to…

Like most people I have a love-hate relationship with alcohol.  Usually when I’m drinking I love it, while the hate is usually reserved for the next morning.

It also sometimes means I don’t always remember what was so fun about the night before.

This weekend I decided to have a ‘me’ day, just drinking and playing video games.  Stephanie, not having any plans, decided to hang out too.  I didn’t have a problem with that, the whole ‘friends’ thing has been working out pretty well so far.  As long as she didn’t care that I planned on getting blasted.

Continue reading

People Suck

You ever have those weeks that feel like you’re in a Super Villain origin story?  Everyone just seems so stupid and ridiculous and nothing goes your way?  Like the universe is pushing you toward the extremes and by the end of the week you’re cackling madly and dreaming of killer robot designs and world domination?

Maybe that’s just me. Continue reading

Unfollowing Facebook

Those of you that have been following for a while know that I absolutely hate Facebook.  I do.  Truly.  With a passion.  Twitter is worse but I’m not on that site so that hate doesn’t burn as hot.  Of course, if I were forced to write a list of things I hate it would be really long and have to get updated on a daily basis but FB would be near the top.

I was active on it for a year or two when it was still “new” and “cool”, like everyone else, but quickly got annoyed by all the BS everywhere.  I don’t give a shit about what some one-time friend had for lunch, or what motivational poster they liked.  Also, the loss of privacy, the transparency of everyone’s information about every little detail of their life was terrifying.  When I was in college I did a report on how ridiculously easy it is to steal identities that scares me to this day (really, all you need is a full name and a birthday).  But it’s not just criminals, there’s Facebook stalking, potential employers, trolls, skeezy family members (I have stories), and all the other creepy shit that happens online. Continue reading