Rough few days


Probably the most interesting part of yesterday was seeing the various commentary on different posts.  There are quite a few people who seem really eager to paint me with a variety of vulgar colors.  Some of them even quoted parts of my posts and tried to analyze me.  Most believe that the sex was the problem… which indicates their one dimensional outlook on relationships and a complete ignorance of most everything I’ve written.

So, let me make this abundantly clear IT’S NOT ABOUT THE SEX.

Let me put it this way, our relationship status is a perfect analogy;  Ann open, me closed.  That’s pretty much it in a nutshell. Continue reading

Post Visiting Ann: The relationship talk


One of the things on our “To Do” list for my visit with Ann was to have the relationship talk.  Yeah… I wasn’t really looking forward to that one.

Ann and I have a problem, none of the general relationship statuses work for the two of us.  Monogamous, non monogamous, polyamorous, etc. No matter what we tried someone was going to start chaffing.

Open – At our distance, open makes sense and that’s what Ann needs right now.  I’m fine with open but Ann was really hurt when I went out during our open phase, which was why we switched to closed until my August visit.

Closed – A closed relationship at a distance?  Yeah, that could be problematic.  I can do closed but Ann just got out of a rough, 15 year marriage and needs her freedom.

Uneven – Ann open, me closed.  During my marriage, I was cheated on several times.  I need an honest, up front and even relationship. Continue reading

Sex Injuries


There have been a couple times that sex ended up being less pleasurable than painful.  Twice, I’ve almost had to make a hospital visit after fooling around.

The first time:

When Cat and I were newlyweds we lived in a tiny cabin on the outskirts of our small home town.  It was also on the edge of the state graveyard, I’ve got a few ghost stories which I’ll probably write about some time.

Like most newlyweds, we were fucking constantly.  As a twenty year old, that was about as good as I thought life could be.  At that point, Cat had never had an orgasm but she was still eager in the bedroom.  We were working on her problems together but she didn’t mind them.  She as focused on perfecting her own technique and wanted to practice on me at every opportunity. Continue reading

Cat and too much history


I’ve written a bit about the open marriage with Cat and how it was the best two years of the marriage.  Well, whenever I write about it I get the inevitable question;

“If it was so great, why did you end up getting divorced?”

That’s a great question, it really is, and not one that is simple to answer.

During the open period Cat and I might have been able to get along, trust each other again, be happy and healthy, but ultimately our shared history was too much to overcome.

When you first meet someone they’re like a blank canvas, full of potential, one big mystery.  Each experience with that person adds something to the canvas.  Nothing is ever removed from the painting, good or bad, it’s there forever. You can’t take back memories. When you have mostly positive experiences the collage is bright and colorful.  When you have mostly bad experiences the collage is darker.

collage s Continue reading

The Open Marriage – Cat 3


Continued from Cat pt 1 and Cat pt 2.  Actually, it’s kind of a side note to the second post, before the divorce.

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The years that Cat and I were in an open relationship were two of the best years of our marriage.  The communication and the honesty were so much better.  We were so much happier together, so much more comfortable… and you know what?  The sex was way better too.

Yes, in the open relationship the sex was the best sex of our marriage.  We had more sex when we were newlyweds but we were young then, when we went into the open marriage we had eight years of practice together.  Almost the same quantity but the quality was way, way better.

Cat’s an exceptionally flirty, sexual person that thrived on attention.  But that outward sexuality was misleading, it was the attention she wanted not the sex.

You see, when we’d gotten married Cat had never had an orgasm.  She’d been sexually active for a while but had some awkward experiences and couldn’t get comfortable enough to actually cum.  She would think too much, be too self-conscious to relax and enjoy it.

We worked on her issues with sex together.  It took almost two years before Cat could reliably orgasm during sex or oral.  But even then she had to be really relaxed and she needed to be stimulated in exactly the right ways.  Seriously, like down to the exact angles and speeds.  If the sex didn’t hit the all the perfect marks at exactly the right time she couldn’t orgasm.

Yeah, she needed to be really comfortable with her partner and had to have all the right buttons pushed… picking up some random dude at the bar wasn’t going to do much for her except maybe boost her ego and her odds of getting an STD.

During our open relationship Cat would often go out.  At the bar she would be a total tease, leading on half a dozen guys at a time, letting them get a glimpse of cleavage or legs while playing pool.  They’d buy her drinks left and right, drooling over how lucky they were going to get.  Each one of the dozen thought they were going to get laid that night.. until she grabbed the taxi home, alone.

She could have gone home with one of those other dudes but why would she want to?  She had fun, drank, danced and got all the attention she wanted.  And she knew she could come home to a safe, reliable place and a guy that knew exactly what she needed in the bedroom to get off.

It was a pretty sweet deal for me.  I’d be sitting on the couch with a beer and practically get jumped as soon as she walked in.  Or if it was too late, I’d get woken up by her hands on my cock.  She’d already be aroused from being hit on all night and playing the tease, I could just sit back and enjoy the fruits of all those guy’s labor.  And their money.  None of the work but all of the reward.

There were times that she dated guys and slept with them, but judging from how often she still jumped into the sack with me they couldn’t hit the right spots.  Granted, I’d had eight years of practice, so how could they compete?

Yes, the open relationship was pretty awesome.  There were a few months when I was sleeping with three different women, Cat and two others.  I didn’t do one night stands so I was I basically had three FWBs.  Lots of sex at home, lots of sex outside of the home, pretty sweet all around.  That was actually when I started blogging, back in 2009.

Wow, 2009.  It’s crazy to think I’ve been blogging for five years.  Holy shit.  Granted, there were a couple years where I only put up a few posts, but I’ve written over 150,000 words on Id’s Redbook.  I’ve done a lot of growing in that time period.  It’s actually kind of amusing for me to go back and read those early years and see how things have changed since then.  Crazy.  I was a much dirtier guy back then, way more self absorbed (it’s hard to believe that’s possible, I know).

If you’re curious about those early, less enlightened years you can pop over to http://idsredbook.blogspot.com/

 

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The Open Marriage – Cat 2


Continued from Cat pt 1.

So, Cat and I were on opposite coasts and had decided to have an open marriage.  It wasn’t my idea, it wasn’t what I wanted, but I didn’t feel like I had much choice in the matter.

The first few months on the new coast were really difficult for me.  I was thousands of miles away from my daughter and broken emotionally, financially and mentally.  As bad as it would have been anyway, it was worse because Cat now had “permission” to date other guys and was having a great time back in Georgia.  I knew because every time we talked on the phone there was a different male voice in the background.

After a couple months though, I kind of got my mental shit together.  I couldn’t just sit around feeling sorry for myself, I needed to try and move forward with my life.  I started working out, drinking less and taking better care of myself.  I began to feel a little better.  Feeling better made me more confident.  Confidence and the working out started to turn some female heads. Continue reading

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The Open Marriage – Cat 1


It might seem odd that I’m posting about my ex-wife after all the posts about Ann, but there’s a few current posts that require the backstory.  My relationship with Cat played an important role in how I am in relationships now, so think of this as a belated preface.

Cat and I got married young, before we were both 21.  We were best friends and dating at the time but marriage was mostly a practical decision, not a romantic one.  Sure, we were in love, but neither of us had big, romantic ideals about the notion of marriage.  I had decided to join the military to get out of town and make some money, she wanted to come with me, it seemed natural enough that we get married for the benefits and the free move to another part of the country.

A new marriage and the military are a terrible match to begin with, though we didn’t know that when we started.  Sure, we were moved to Georgia together but I was working crazy hours and was already scheduled for a deployment. Continue reading

Romance and media


I had a long talk with my mom the other night. My parents had just returned from an extended weekend trip to a very small town on the coast.  We talked about a lot of things and came around to the difficulty my mom had finding a paperback to read on the long road trip back home.

There were plenty of books for my mom to choose from but apparently small town life leads to lonely hearts and most of the books were romance novels.  My mom is more of a crime thriller woman. She was amazed at how many romance novels there were and that they were so popular.

Her opinion, why would she read about romance when she already has love in her life? Continue reading

Visiting Ann: Leaving my love


**I recently returned from spending ten fantastic days with Ann St Vincent.  These posts about the visit aren’t going to be in any specific order, there is too much to write on too many topics.  So, don’t look at these like one long story, they are more like post cards or snap shots from a fantastic trip.  This particular post was written my flight home.**

(I wrote this post on the plane ride home after the visit with Ann.)

American Airlines has this weird boarding music, a solo piano player doing top 40 hits with no vocals. It’s an interesting, slightly disconcerting sound track. You sit down, hardly noticing the quiet, slow paino tunes until it tickles an ear worm… then you spend the next three minutes trying to figure out what song it is.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5mOasmluWkI

(Not my video, but glad someone else thought it was strange enough to be note worthy)

In theory, the music should be pretty neutral, pop that has been toned down a bit by the solo piano. However, on this flight, for some reason every tune seems distinctly melancholy.

But maybe that’s just me.  Leaving is always a melancholy affair.

Once again, I’m on a plane flying away from my love. Considering the awful experiences I’ve had with the airlines, I’m starting to feel like I’m being kicked while I’m already down. It’s not fair, but then life rarely is.

Continue reading